Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Okay, I have some more presentation dates I am ready to announce. I'm thrilled about my fourth year presenting at the True Colors Conference. This year I will present two new workshops with a new collaborative performance piece called Dragged Out of the Spiritual Closet . The piece will explore the spirituality of several queer folks (including Earthel and Chad). I am writing and performing it with Momma aka Worthie Mecham, a female impersonator and Christian speaker from LA. (Oh and Elliot will also present a workshop at TC this year too!) Now that I premiered The Re-Education of George W. Bush , I have begun to research and write my next play Transfigurations -- Exploring the Gender Diaspora , a theater piece about trans, genderqueer and gender-different people in the Bible. I will weave the real life stories of trans folks with Bible characters who lived outside of traditional gender roles (there are many of them--you'd be surprise). Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Half...

These days in Portland I have met SO MANY amazing people. People filled with wisdom and history and activism. Mark Middleton is one of these (along with his cutie pie partner, Nick. Happy Birthday Nick!). A volunteer at SMYRC , a house leader of the Anawim community, a web genius, skydiver and so much more, Mark's approach to life and ministry defies convention. Over coffee and some unbelievable vegan desert delicacies at Pix , Mark shared a story that tickled and moved me. It's a true story about how they used to transport fish in barrels cross-country in the old days of the US. In the story is a GREAT object lesson about how we can keep each other from growing stale in our minds and world view. I asked Mark if he would blog about it and he did : The journey these fish were on lasted for several weeks at a time and caused a dilemma of sorts. The fish would get comfortable, lazy, stagnant and would either die or become so sedentary that their flavor would go down the tubes. By...

Dodgy , a British term meaning evasive, tricky, not sound, good or reliable, questionable and suspicious. Yep, seems a member of NARTH , the "secular" ex-gay organization, recently testified about same-sex parenting in Yorkshire, UK. The PinkNews reports: An employment tribunal in Yorkshire has heard evidence from an American academic who claims that placing children with same-sex couples damages them. --snip-- The tribunal heard evidence yesterday from Dean Byrd, who is a prominent promoter of so-called conversion therapy as a “cure” for homosexuality. Dr Byrd told the tribunal: “The most reputable scientists would agree that the research on children raised by same-sex couples is in its infancy,” according to The Yorkshire Post. “However, in spite of the many flaws in the very limited pool of rigorous studies, there appears to be an emerging theme. Children raised by same-sex couples exhibit poor outcomes not so dissimilar to those raised by divorced heterosexual parents.”...

This trip to Portland I have presented in some wonderful places, but the extremes between some of them surprise even me. A new Friend, Noël, pointed this out to me this evening after my show. She was the only person who witnessed me at both of my presentations today--and they couldn't have been different. This morning I spoke and performed for the middle and high school Sunday School class at West Hills Friends Church . This is a Christ-centered Quaker church that is part of Northwest Yearly Meeting (NWYM). I don't know that much about NWYM, but I think it is accurate to say that they are not yet open and affirming of LGBT folks. Like many Evangelical Christian groups, they have work to do. But there are always pockets of people who can see that the church has to catch up with God and that it is time to open the doors to LGBT folks. So there I was talking about identity, starting discussions and doing some excerpts, (we were all very tired and sluggish--I had a show to a packe...

Alex has gotten me to think about seeds this morning. In a beautifully written post entitled Serenity , (which I know Alex knows is more than a feeling, but also a spaceship filled with friends caring for each other even when they don't fully understand the journey they are on), Alex shares some of his faith journey and the many times he tried in vain to un-christian himself. Something kept bringing him back. Some people are hardwired for God. Perhaps all of us all in some way but it shows itself in many different ways (even through Karaoke!) I love that idea of the seed in us. The thing is, sounds like it has always been there for Alex. After a submersion in cold water in the chapel besides the home of my childhood I stood in front of the parish and sang a song called "Jag har beslutat att följa Jesus"/"I have decided to follow Jesus". I remember how I asked what "beslutat"/decided meant. It is a word more like determine in swedish but means roughly...

Tonight I am thinking of survivors. How many survivors read this blog? I wonder. Survivors of sexual abuse. Survivors of abusive relationships. Survivors of addiction--their own or of people they love. Survivors of marriages that died along with long cherished dreams. Survivors of churches, spiritual homes that chucked you out, and in one violent rejection invalidated years of sharing, serving and love. Survivors of the ex-gay movement, still believing somewhere in your brain that there might be something wrong with being queer because you have been told this so many times by so many people you respect and who stand in places of authority over you. Survivors of the closet, a self-imposed society-enabled tomb. Those years of silence, of hiding, of fearful expectation that you will be exposed and denounced and rejected. Afraid to even admit to yourself who you are, afraid that if you did accept that one part of you, it would somehow overtake the rest of you and turn you into a stereoty...

They liked my Bush piece (I love saying that) so much that they asked me to perform it again here in Portland. I wish I had more time to blog. I had the most amazing in of body experience in a sensory deprivation flotation chamber early today. But I am off to Salem, OR to do a talk about the ex-gay movement and my spiritual journey. The organizer sounded a little concerned that there might be protesters because of some of the phone calls she had been getting. I'll keep you posted. Below are the details for Monday's show. Through a series of lively lessons, educator and theatrical performance activist, Peterson Toscano playfully instructs President Bush and his cabinet on history, the economy, privilege, environmentalism, the Bible and humanity. Bitingly funny and painfully insightful, Peterson takes no prisoners as he speaks to the George W. Bush in all of us. The Re-Education of George W. Bush Monday January 29, 2007 12:00-1:00 PM Spiritual Life Center--Campus Ministry Portla...

Today I got to hang out with two amazing grandmothers. Bonnie Tinker and her partner Sarah were lesbian moms over 25 years ago--trail blazers. For years Bonnie has worked as a queer activist fighting for marriage equality through her role at Love Makes a Family here in Oregon. A committed Quaker, she also protests the war in multiple ways and has done much to address issues of racism and skin privilege. Her partner, Sarah, may get arrested tomorrow for a direct non-violent action aimed at a recruiters office. They are movers and shakers. Bonnie is the one who has organized most of my presentations here in Portland. Seems EVERYONE knows her. Today she and her co-worker, Cecil, sat down with me and taught me some of the non-violent techniques they use. She developed this cool and effective method they call LARA. The idea is to build connections and relationship with opponents. L--Listen! Not just to the words, but listen with your ears and heart to hear the needs, the fears the concern...

I feel live a roving correspondent these days. And in Portland this week... Tonight I performed Queer 101--Now I Know My gAy,B,C's at Portland's Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center , or SMYRC (pronounced smurk). Okay, the place is beyond coolness. About ten years ago, two teens started the center. I think one was 14 and the other 19. They got a grant and have been going at it ever since. It is completely youth-run. They have adult volunteers (who must go through a training) and all speakers and events and rules must be decided on by the youth. Being invited to perform there, I felt so honored. Many of the youth I met spoke so intelligently about gender issues, (issues that I find that many older gay men--like over the age of 25--struggle to understand. These young folks have such a healthy view of it from what I heard them share. Wise, funny, engaged and real. Great people. They also affirmed me and my work in a big way. After speaking to a few groups this week, I have been a...

Tonight after President Bush's State of the Union Address, I premiered The Re-Education of George W. Bush here in Portland, Oregon. The audience was comprised of some VERY serious peace activists, a generous sprinkling of gay men and a few college-age students. No doubt I felt anxious, not about remembering my lines (or Vlad's killer dance moves--they actually wanted an encore). No, I felt anxious about the script itself and the issues that I raise. In addition to talking about war in Iraq and Afghanistan, I brought up a load of issues indirectly and directly. Racism in America and white male power and privilege--particularly the privilege many of us have to live without seeing racism or knowing that it really still exists. The Environment and the personal impact to make a difference. (Get rid of your car! Stop eating meat and dairy products!) Sexism in the Bible and the world. The slippery slope of anti-gay legislation in Nazi German and parallels to the US. The ways we treat...

Back in December, I posted the entry, Another Straight Spouse Speaks Out . The anonymous writer, a Christian woman and mother of young children, shared some about her experience finding out her husband is gay and the journey she has been one since with all of its trials and challenges. She has since left a comment with an update of the situation that I thought I would repost here. I post the comment in full but with paragraph breaks I added. I feel amazed at her willingness to be real and honest about her trial while somehow also remaining hopeful. I know other woman who have gone (and are going) through similar difficulties read this blog. Your stories are moving and must be heard. I am the "another spouse" who left that first message. Just to give you an update.... Things are not easy, by a long shot, but we are being civil. I commented to my ex-husband recently that it's as if I have a long-lost friend back. He has opened up to me much more since he came out than he ev...

I spent the weekend with the Anawim Community, a group of gay Christo-centric men who have met together regularly for meals, Bible reflection and silent prayer for over eight years. They also hold an annual retreat on the Oregon coast at a Methodist retreat center (one of the few religious run centers that is open and affirming to queer folks.) As the retreat leader, I gave a talk about my own spiritual journey from a private and powerful encounter with God as a teen to my cultural conversion to Fundamentalism and Conservatism to my odyssey in the Ex-Gay Movement to my coming out of a biblically induced coma to the spiritual shift to an inward faith based on being still before God often without words. Sometimes words just get in the way. And this got me talking about my relationship with the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). We also did a Bibliodrama , a form of Bible study through drama, where you don't simply study the passage, but you embody it. By walking through step by ...

Since my flight from Hartford, CT to Portland was scheduled to depart at 6:00 AM today and I had to leave my house by 3:30 AM to take a taxi downtown to get the city bus to the airport, I decided to stay up all night and sleep on the plane. I used my time last night writing and typing (on my Royal Quiet De Luxe Manual Typing) post-holiday letters to family and friends. Now I am settled into Portland sitting in a cyber cafe . After a week of successful rehearsals, workshops and re-writes, I feel REALLY GOOD about my new play, The Re-Education of George W. Bush (because no president should be left behind). The play is much less about Dubya and much more about exposing the Inner Bush lurking in heart of nearly every US citizen. In my re-writes, at the last minute, I wove in a whole thread about my mom , her patriotism, her wisdom , her life and death. Like my other plays I layer the content with multiple themes, images and motifs. I also draw on the Bible to underscore some of the main...

Although I was off-line most of the days in rehearsals and previews for my new show (which is going well), I received good news through the phone (thanks Dave!) that Alan Chambers and Exodus International have released some details (via Warren Throckmorton ) about new guidelines for youth . That's good news and a very good first step. From the brief look at the guidelines that I had, they need to be beefed up a bit especially compared with say the Boy Scouts . And if you are up, have a listen to my live interview tonight at 9:00 EST on KBOO . I'll do some samples of plays and talk about silly and serious stuff. You can listen live and streaming.

In preparation for my 10 days in the Portland, Oregon area, I will give an interview for the radio station KBOO , Tuesday, 16 January at 9:00 PM eastern standard time (Sorry Sweden & the UK). They stream live on the web, so anyone can listen (but you need download Microsoft Media Player to listen) On the show we will discuss some of the issues facing youth in Exodus programs along with my interactions with Exodus over the past two years since I first heard about some of these issues from BBC reporter David Akinsanya directly after he spent several days filming Love in Action. I'm excited about this Portland trip because I will be doing pretty much everything I can do in front of a group of people (except tap dance; I need to work that in somehow). I'll present three different plays, including the WORLD PREMIERE of The Re-Education of George W. Bush . I will do talks for both liberal and conservative groups. I will lead a retreat for gay Christian men, meet with campus Qu...

Thank you to those of you who have shown concern for the youth in Exodus programs. From your comments and your questions, e-mails and calls, I see that many of you really care about these kids and wanted to make sure that if any child is at risk, that all necessary and possible steps have being taken. And they have, at least for the situations I alluded to in my last posts. Proper authorities (and parents) had been contacted, action had been taken. When faced with an immediate problem, Exodus dealt with it. That has never been the issue. The problem is that in spite of the issues that I brought to Alan Chambers' attention, the conditions exist where interaction between youth and adult participants can still happen. Also Exodus does not have any publicly known guidelines that specify staff working with youth must undergo appropriate background checks. That means that youth are still at risk. Without any local or state oversight, the only authority over Exodus member ministries is...

I am at a Quaker high school retreat in Chicago this weekend, so my Internet time is very limited, but I wanted to add a few more details because people are rightly concerned for the welfare of young people in Exodus programs. Although clearly inappropriate, the incidents that I related to Alan Chambers last July did not include criminal acts. The incidents revolved around interactions between adult and youth participants in an Exodus member ministry. Even though the incidents did not require contacting authorities at that time, the situations and the conditions that existed, (and as far as I know still exist), at the Exodus member ministry where these situations occurred, were such that minors were at risk for potential harm. In our conversation, Alan also expressed concern along with his intention to create guidelines that would ensure the safety of youth under Exodus member ministries' care. At that time I told Alan that I believe it is inappropriate and harmful to do any sort ...

On June 26, 2006 I initially left voice messages for Alan Chambers of Exodus International and another national ex-gay leader about inappropriate incidents that affected youth at an Exodus member ministry. I will not go into the details at this time, but I shared three specific situations that happened within the previous year. The shocking details of the third situation compelled me to contact Alan and this other national leader. In my initial messages I said that I would rather discuss this privately, but if they did not wish to talk, then I would initiate a public discussion. E-mails went back and forth including one in which the program director of the Exodus member ministry acknowledged the situation did occur, and since being alerted about it by Alan, shared some of the steps he took to address it. After multiple phone conversations with Alan's assistant and more e-mails, Alan finally agreed to speak with me on the phone. The other national leader declined to speak with me ou...

Okay the details are going up for the presentations in the month of January. Loads of great stuff going on in Portland at the end of the month (Thanks Bonnie, Doug, Wes and so many others!) Keep an eye on the performance schedule for updates and additions (Thanks Steve!) I am now back in Hartford, CT (aka home) desperately trying to stay up past 10 PM so that I can adjust to the time change in preparation for a high school retreat this weekend in Chicago. It's great to be home even if it is only for two days. After five weeks in Scotland I feel very centered and focused. I spent a lot of time in prayer, silent worship and in reading the Bible and inspirational books including Thomas R Kelly's A Testament of Devotion, C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce Audre Lorde's Zami: A New Spelling of My Name and some writings of William Penn . Most helpful for me has been singing my reworking of John 15 sung to the tune of Abide With Me . After a long conversation with a reporter...

My family has a strange habit of adopting brothers. My dad's closest friend since he was a small boy was Bobby. They played on the streets of the South Bronx together (when that part of NYC still had farms), they went to school together, they went to war together, and they grew old together. I only ever knew my dad's friend as Uncle Bobby and his children were always my cousins, closer than my real cousins. Some of you know that 2006 was very difficult for me and my family. My grandmother died right as the year started soon after my mom was diagnosed again for lung cancer. After many months of struggling and hanging on, my mom died in September. Then right before Christmas my Uncle Bobby became ill. He went into the hospital with a clot in his leg only to find out his body was riddled with cancer. He died two days later. My dad has suffered many deep losses this year. His mother, his partner of 50 years, and his best friend since childhood--a friend closer than a brother. Elli...

Did you ever wish you could change something about yourself? Your height? Your eyes? Your family? Your abilities? Your sexual orientation? Considering the many years I tried to change myself, I created The Identity Monologue In which through eight characters in two minutes I tell my life story...

My brother, who lives in Madrid and often travels to the UK for work, arrived in Glasgow on Wednesday to hang out with me until Sunday. Yesterday we went to Dunkeld to see the cathedral and walk along the river. Then we drove to see the Queen's View, where during a grand tour of Scotland, Queen Victoria declared the view there to be the best of all, (thus immediately turning it into a tourist attraction). Near the car park we saw a beautiful wood carved sculpture of a mother and child. Sadly no information about the artist was listed. After that we went to Pitlochry for a walk in town and then dinner at the Moulin Inn, where they make their own ale, and I gratefully drink it. Like mom, my brother doesn't like photos taken of him. I have learned long ago to not even try. so no photos of my bro posted here today. There is something so comforting about being with someone who has almost always been in my life, particularly with him being so accepting of me as a gay man. I know in ...

On Huffingtonpost.com I found a well-presented and powerful shockwave video about Dr. King, the current US wars and non-violence (but not silent) protest.

I have not put up the 2007 winter/spring schedule yet, but it is looking hot, hot, hot! I see 2007 as the Year of the Survivor. I hope to see many people share their stories on blogs, stages, podcasts, and in conversation and art. Therefore, in addition to my regular presentations, I will also lead several workshops and retreats designed to engage folks in exploring and sharing their stories. I've said it before, there is a mysterious power in telling our stories. January will bring me to Chicago the weekend of January 12th for the Quake that Rocked the Mid-West , a Quaker high school retreat. (As of yet, I have nothing planned for the evening of Sunday, January 14. If you know of a group, gay church, etc who might be interested in having me do a talk or something that night in the Chicago area, let me know as it is still open.) January 18-31 I will be in Portland area. The first weekend I will help lead a retreat for the Anawim Community, a gay male Christian group. Then I will d...

Week four of my Scottish adventure brought me to the wee village of Comrie for their famous ancient Flambeaux (torches) that they parade through the town to drive out the evil spirits. With all the rain and wind nearly EVERY Hogmanay (Scottish New Year's Eve) event was canceled, but Comrie hung in there! Enjoy.

I went on a 10 mile ramble in the hills and around the Cluney Forest. The sun broke out every now and then to surprise us. The highlight was when we walked back to the car in the gathering twilight, we saw an albino deer. It was magical springing along side of its tawny colored companion. If I were an ancient Greek, I would take that sight as a good omen. As it is the New Year, I am in a reflective mood, looking at details as well as the big picture (as you might tell from my photos). Traditionally, in addition to a New Year's walk, I also spend time during the first few days writing goals for the new year. This helps to focus me. Often these goals rise out of some time in silence and time spent writing. Tomorrow I head off to Edinburgh to hear Handel's Messiah, the uncut version. Then on Wednesday my brother arrives to spend a few days with me. He lives in Spain, so it is just a quick hop for him. Can't wait!