Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Okay gang, I have some video for you. First is a clip from when Steven Fales and I appeared on the Trya Banks Show. (Note: if you ever appear on a daytime TV program, NEVER tell them that you had an exorcism or other extreme momentary experience. They will focus so much on that they they could actually miss the point.) Ex-Gay Watch links to a video ad for Exeter International, a thinly veiled parody. There is a good reason I don't watch myself perform on video--it is scary and I may never perform again. Am I really this bizarre??? Peggy Senger Parsons caught some video of Vlad in the act during my recent presentation of my one-man (multi-character comedy) The Re-Education of George W. Bush . The question is, when I make a complete fool of myself, will my friends ever tell me??? Peggy writes, Vlad presented an interpretive dance to a hidden Condaleeza Rice in the audience. Vlad's goal was to entice Condi to run for president and re-instate Russia as the United States favorite...

Just arrived home in Hartford (thanks Patrick for picking me up at the airport). Doug in Portland gave me a super sandwich to take on the plane loaded with avacado and greens. Yum (thanks) I loaded up the rice cooker with sweet brown rice and set it for 7 AM. Perfect alarm clock. Then John takes me to the WNPR studios (thanks John) for an hour program (see previous post) then I dash to catch the train to meet up with Christine in NYC for lunch. But tonight I sleep in my own bed with my own things. So glad I cleaned and organized before I left. Nice to come home to a tidy house. I have great friends, a nice quiet home and after three weeks, eight US states and 18 presentations, I feel great . I go to bed a very rich man.

Check out ex-gay survivor and BeyondExGay ( bXg ) co-founder, Christine Bakke on the radio Tuesday, April 23, 2007 9:00 AM EST Sirius OutQ Radio . OutQ is on channel 109. On Wednesday, April 24, 2007 from 9:00-10:00 AM EST I will be a guest on the live WNPR program Where We Live . I will talk about identity, the ex-gay movement and more. Also on Wednesday, check out Daniel Gonzales' new podcast If It's Wednesday, It's Ex-Gay . I just finished a nutty phone interview with Daniel. Who knows what he will keep and what he will cut. Reminds me of those heady days when Joe G. manned his Beppepodcast. I am a little high on a vegan carrot cake (yep, that is the decadent gay lifestyle for you) so I channeled a few other people. And to check out Christine on Good Morning America, click here I leave Portland, OR tomorrow :-( but will be in NYC on Wednesday and Christine and I will hang out :-)

I just watched Christine Bakke on Good Morning America. Diane Sawyer interviewed her. Christine is really the first woman to be highlighted in the national media as an ex-gay survivor. She did an amazing job, so clear, confident, without rancor, just telling her story. Well done! You can see it for yourself here The piece stands out because Sawyer makes it clear that there is a problem with most reparative therapy and ex-gay ministry. They do show a short clip of Alan Chambers saying, It's not an easy process, but someone can choose not to be a homosexual But they place that quote right before footage of Pastor Ted Haggard and back story about how he was pronounced 100% heterosexual after a mere three weeks of therapy. (Perhaps not something that Exodus would actually agree with or support, but in the media world, all ex-gay experiences fall under the same umbrella). The ABC piece states, Although these programs have been widely renounced by medical professionals, they are, in fac...

I'm feeling tender today. Good thing that I am among Friends here. Peggy Parsons , the amazing motocyle-riding, Christ-centered Quaker minister and her family have put me up for the night here in Salem, OR. Peggy is the real deal pastoring a semi-programmed Quaker church, preaching wherever the doors open and working with trauma victims in Burundi--many of them Quakers. Last night the brilliant Quaker artist (music, visual art, humor, you name it) Alivia Biko cooked us a killer vegan meal replete with vegan chocolate chip cookies. I felt loved. (BTW both Peggy and Alivia miss Joe G. Just saying in case he is lurking :-) Yeah, I am feeling tender as I soak up all of this love in Portland with Doug and Bruce and Bonnie and in Salem with Peggy and her family and Alivia. This tour has been great in many ways but harder than most. Since the launch of bXg , Christine, Steve and I have received so many stories from people sharing their trauma from ex-gay experiences. I read some of these...

Tonight in Portland (PDX) I got to revisit SMYRC , the Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center. A youth center started by youth some years back, it is a safe space for LGBTQ youth to hang out, play video games, enjoy Dance Dance Revolution, do hair, work on theater, and just be with friends and caring adult volunteers. They do a GREAT job at keeping the young people safe with very clear guidelines about appropriate, respectful, acceptable behavior. The room filled this evening with all sorts of Queers--goth, butch, fem, genderqueer, latino, Black, bisexuals, questioning, transgender and whatever. When I attend the True Colors Conference each year, I hear folks in my generation (Generation X) say how they wish they had something like this when they were growing up, it would have made all the difference. Yeah, I tend to agree. If I had SMYRC growing up, I think I would have found myself so much sooner and would have saved myself and others years of turmoil and heartache. Last January I p...

Christine Bakke, co-founder of BeyondExGay and recently featured in Glamour Magazine , is slated to share some of her story Monday live on Good Morning America. Of course a volcano can blow up or Hillary Clinton or someone could say something stupid and that will change the course of morning "news" programs, but as it stands Christine will fly out to NYC this weekend to do the Monday morning show. It may air around 8am, but then who knows. Ex-Gay Watch reports that Ann Phillips, former staff member at Love in Action and an ex-gay survivor, will speak at the Evangelicals Concerned women's retreat July 25-27, 2007 in Orange County, CA. She speaks so well--witty, wise and practical.

This week Daniel Gonzales began a new weekly podcast, If It's Wednesday, It is Ex-Gay , in which he will update folks on some of the ex-gay news from the previous week and talk about upcoming event. The pod is available at Jim Burroway's excellent blog, Box Turtle Bulletin . He really should interview Marvin ! In other Internet news, blogger Disputed Mutability came to my Homo No Mo show recently and has just posted a review about it. She writes about her momentary uneasiness at attending my show, My gayness or ssa-ness or whatever doesn’t faze me at all, but the fact that I am kinda sorta one of those nefarious “ex-gays” is enough to make me blush and stammer in polite company. And I wasn’t sure what difficult memories of my own residential experience the show would dig up. She shares a lot about her own experience as well as give a great overview of my play. She likes Marvin, so you know she's gotta be cool. About Marvin she writes, I think Marvin was my favorite exga...

Phew. I have been on the road for two weeks and touched down (or blew through) Indiana, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virgina, North Carolina, Texas (8 hour unexpected layover in Houston) and now Oregon. It has been GREAT but exhausting. Right now I am in the home of Doug and Bruce--so relaxing here, like a mini-retreat (I know Doug I need a longer retreat :-) I have SO MUCH to blog about! There is Eugene's exceptional article at Ex-Gay Watch-- What is a Gay Christian? A MUST READ for those who are interested in the Bible and Homosexuality. There is the recent Tyra Banks show that touched on the ex-gay movement, what they left out, what I think and what you think. There is the LONG car ride with my wonderful dad and our discussion about the two times he and my mom came to the Love in Action program for the Family and Friends Weekend. There is all the new music I have recently purchased. (Bright Eyes, I'm From Barcelona, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Kate Havenik) T...

This morning I did two performances of Queer 101-Now I Know My gAy,B,Cs at a high school in Greensboro, North Carolina. The show looks at homophobia, identity and activism through the word and lives of lesbian and gay poets. Although it was INSANELY early in the morning (don't they realize that most youth do not fully function until 11 am?), the students responded well and asked great questions. After the second show, some students approached me to chat a bit about the show, queer issues and their lesbian, bisexual and gay friends. One female student told me that some of the guys at the school felt anxious about the show thinking that I would talk about gay sex and then try to convert them to being gay (the famous "gay agenda"). Not the first time I have run into this assumption both from students and parents. I am so glad that at one point in the play Chad, one of the characters, rattles off his list of what he is looking for in a potential mate. Of course he would have...

I feel so pleased and excited about my upcoming trip to the UK and Sweden next month. This will be the fifth time I have presented in the UK and hopefully will get to some new places including Wakefield and Nw Castle. The Quakers in Oxford will host one of my shows. (Thanks Jon Brown for the poster. Click on it for a larger view). The Quaker meeting is right by the Eagle and Child, famous stomping grounds of CS Lewis and the gang. In fact, I believe Lewis married his wife Joy in the same building as the Quaker center on the second or third floor. The rest of the schedule is slowly getting up on the site as I get more details. Hope to see some of you again soon! Oh, and right now I am in North Carolina with my dad at the home of family friends. He heads back North in the morning, and I have shows here before heading off to Oregon. As I type, the TV blares aways in the background (for the benefit of our friends' Quaker Parrot--I thought Quakers are supposed to be QUIET) and an advert...

I find my stomach gets sour whenever I read about the "Day of Truth", and adult-led, anti-gay reaction to the Day of Silence. The Day of Silence allows young people to stand in solidarity with queer and questioning youth, often silenced by the heterosexist societies in which they live. It is not an attempt to convert anyone to gayness (as if such a thing were possible) So what do some frightened, reactionary adults do? They create the Day of Truth in which they hope to spread lies about LGBT people. I can't even write about this without feeling sick. It feels to me to be ugly, thoughtless, selfish and unchristian. Daniel Gonzales produced video analysis to expose the lies behind the "Day of Truth". The video is brought to you by and hosted by Truth Wins Up. Now I have to go get some Tums or ginger to sort out my upset stomach.

How excellent that we get to hear more and more from lesbian ex-gay survivors. Darlene Bogle was not only a "former lesbian" but also served as an ex-gay leader with Exodus. She recently submitted her survivor narrative, ( My Exodus from Exodus ) and two articles to BeyondExGay.com. In the article Healing from the Broken Truth, Darlene writes: I had been part of the Gay community for many years, but with my connections to ex-gay ministry, extensive prayer healing sessions, and a strong will to not be rejected by the God who loved me and gave Himself for me on the cross; I thought I was free from homosexual desire. That was the truth I spoke out on national television and wrote about in articles and several books. I proclaimed that truth, and shared that pathway to every caller, offering hope for them to share in the promised land of freedom. There was only one problem. Many of the calls were repeat calls from gays and lesbians who followed the prescription to sexual freedom...

Carol writes : In the past two years, I've read stories and posts and profiles and blog entries, seen pictures, copied quotes and I've identified with people outside of my circle of friends. I have become acquainted with new people - and I love it! She then writes words that give me a big smile and a warm feeling in my heart. Yesterday all of my girls and I traveled about an hour away to Earlham College. We'd come to watch the one-man performance that portrayed personal experiences of living in an ex-gay ministry. This performance revealed many true-to-life happenings, some of which were humorous to laughing out loud funny, as well as the heartbreak felt by those who try and inevitably cannot, change through any means, their sexual identity/orientation. By taking on various characters, Peterson Toscano also shared the hope - the hope and the inspiration - to bring love and light to those around us. This includes our gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender friends and family,...

She's smart, attractive, passionate about making the world a better place AND she is featured in the May issue of Glamour --she is Christine Bakke--America's Next Top Lesbian. Christine stepped up to the plate and gave an interview with a writer for Glamour Magazine. It was a little over a year ago when the reporter swept into her life, and what a grueling experience. I mean, to tell your story is hard work and from the little bit I know about the interview process it was deep and intense. I read the Glamour piece on Christine and I am impressed with the care and thoughtfulness that went into it. Clearly Stephen Fried takes his work seriously. Christine has already gotten an e-mail response to the article which she writes about on her blog . She also shares her reasons behind doing the interview and putting her story out there with all the doubts and fears it stirs up. It was a very deliberate decision I made to have my story out there. I knew it had the potential to be inflam...

What a wonderful time in chilly Richmond. Apparently the weather was sunny and in the 70's up until about 20 minutes before I landed on Tuesday. Yo, I have nothing to do with the weather! It is FREEZING with like snow, but the sky is turning blue and folks here at Earlham College are so wonderful. I did my show last night and was soooooo touched by some special people in the audience who I talked to before and afterwards. (You know who you are and I'll let you speak for yourselves if you want). Let me just say that I had a very special hug from a very special person. And I had an incredible conversation and prayer with someone before the show. And I got to see a bunch of my New England Yearly Meeting young Quaker friends too. Sweet. Tonight will be the Take Back the Night event. According to the flyer it is, an internationally-held march and vigil with the purpose of unifying women, men, and children in awareness of sexual violence and other forms of violence against women, ch...

I am sitting in a computer lab right now with Ariadna typing away beside me. She and I are co-writers of the Dos Equis blog. It is a Spanish language blog for gay Christians where we talk about our faith and experiences as queer Christians. Of course I write about the ex-gay movement as well. Right now we are posting a blog entry together, a little interview. I just gave her a hard question, Como encuentras a Dios--In what ways do you encounter God? Being a religion student, I think she will be at it a little while, which gives me some time to blog here in English :P This week I feel like I am bursting with joy and satisfaction. That is big for me. A lot of it has to do with the many partners that enrich my life. Four years ago when I first premiered my Homo No Mo play, I was truly a one-man operation. My good friends Christina, a co-worker from the Watkinson School and Roy Steele,my web master, cheered me on and helped out some, but for the most part I was on my own. But now, wow, h...

The response to the new web site and The Survivors Conference has been great! Lots of folks are signing up for the conference and logging in their interest to get involved in the site. Now that BeyondExGay is off the ground, so am I. I fly out of Hartford this morning for a three week trip that will take me to Indiana, New Jersey, Tennessee, North Carolina and Oregon. And I get to see some of YOU! First off to Earlham College in Richmond, IN where I will perform and connect with students. Then I fly to Newark, NJ to meet up with my dad. We will spend the night at my cousin Louie's house (yes, I have a cousin Louie), then my dad and I will go on a road trip to visit my Uncle Frankie and Aunt Rolla (yes, I have an Uncle Frankie) in Eastern Tennessee. After that we see an old family friend, Gloria, in Winston Salem, North Carolina, then my dad drops me off in Greensboro, NC where I will perform at Guilford College and New Garden Friends School April 11 and 12. I then fly off to Po...

Okay BIG news. For over a year Christine Bakke and I have been working on a new web site called BeyondExGay.com (or bXg for short.) We then got together with the technical expertise of Steve Boese and BAM! we have bXg! The site will serve as an on-line community and resource specifically geared towards ex-gay survivors. We recognize that many of those who have had ex-gay experiences could use a place to connect with others with similar experiences, to process their own histories and learn how to get beyond ex-gay. Then a few months after we began building the site, I started a partnership with SoulForce to talk strategy about a positive response to the ex-gay movement. Through those talks we began to plan a special conference specifically designed for ex-gay survivors. After much talk and planning we are ready to announce that we will have the The Survivor's Conference--Beyond Ex-Gay in Irvine, CA June 29-July 1, 2007 (which happens to be the same weekend and city for the Exo...

Today's New York Times features the story of a gay teen, Zach O'Connor who lives in Connecticut. I first heard his story two years ago at the True Colors Conference when he co-led a workshop with his therapist. I saw him at the conference last week, and he is doing really well. The article brings out how wonderful his parents responded to him when, at age 13, they suspected he might be gay. Initially Zach freaked out about the possibility, “They asked me, ‘Do you know what being gay is?’ ” he recalls. “They tried to explain there’s nothing wrong with it. I put my hands over my ears. I yelled: ‘I don’t want to hear it! I’m not, I’m not gay!’ ” But his parents observed that their son was not happy. Cindy and Dan O’Connor were very worried about Zach. Though bright, he was doing poorly at school. At home, he would pick fights, slam doors, explode for no reason. They wondered how their two children could be so different; Matt, a year and a half younger, was easygoing and happy. Za...