Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Keeping his word to interview more ex-gay survivors, Peter Godbold had Daniel Gonzales, a writer for Box Turtle Bulletin , on the Strictly Confidential Radio program last night. You can listen to the interview here . The audio is a little choppy at first, but once Daniel starts talking, it clears up nicely. Dan speaks about his experience and the difference between the secular approach to gay reparative therapy and the religious-based approach. Dan received therapy directly from Joseph Nicolosi of NARTH. Here is Daniel ex-gay testimonial on YouTube, if you need a vision.

I feel I have neglected my blogging duties, what with the premiere of Transfigurations , the prep for a bunch of travel coming up, and several new projects, not only have I had little time to blog, but little thought about blogging topics. So this blog is an update of sorts and an apology in advance if I drop off further with my blogging. The preparation for the premiere of Transfigurations--Transgressing Gender in the Bible took lots of time and attention. But unlike my other premieres this time I had much more time and open spaces of time two weeks before the show. This reduced the stress. I felt pleased with the premiere and the direction the piece is going. I am especially satisfied that some of the material I present appears to be original. So little has been done around affirming pieces that look at the Bible and transgender people. Recently I have worked on updates for both Beyond Ex-Gay and my PetersonToscano.com site. I added some new articles on bXg and have begun to put ...

The old Shaker Hymn proclaims, Tis a Gift to Be Simple . (I doubt they mean in the head, rather simplicity in one's lifestyle.) Yesterday I received a Facebook message from a friend in the UK with a question about being different. The question soaked in on me until I found myself writing back late late in the night. She referenced a talk she heard by a trans woman named Carol who discussed the Two-Spirit people of some Native American tribes, people who possessed the spirit of male and female and were often elevated to places of honor in the community as shamans and leaders. She then asked, But how much more hopeful would the stories be for us if we could see stories in our history where God's purpose for people lay in the fact that their cultures celebrated their difference and their role was uncovered in this positive context? Carol gave me hope that historically people's difference have made them stand out as positive examples of a rich and diverse creation - some hope ...

Late on Tuesday night I sat for a long and rambling interview with Jayna and Mila from Trans-Ponder Podcast . We spoke mostly about my new play, Transfigurations--Transgressing Gender in the Bible . If you listen to the podcast, you will get to learn about some of the transgender Bible characters I highlight in the play as well as the influence of the Gospel of Thomas on the shaping of the piece. We also talk about being gender-queer as well as the tendency for some gays and lesbians to lob onto transgender historical figures. The sound is a little funky since we did most of the interview via Skype . You can have a listen to episode 19 here or you can get it through iTunes. Then dig into their other episodes. Good stuff!

Thankiness--kinda like Stephen Colbert's made-up Truthiness . Thanksgiving is such an odd holiday in the US. Considering the genocide of the native people who were here when the European arrived and the atrocities done in the name of God and national building, it sours for me the images of pilgrims and Indians. I do think having a day to give thanks for the people and special moments and accomplishments of the previous year is a great thing to do. I typically write up a thankiness (or thankfulness list). After mentally scanning over the year, I consider all the many things that I feel thankful for happening and especially for the special people in my life during the year. Some of you who read this blog are on that list. I sat for an interview last night for a transgender podcast (I'll give details when it is up), and reflected on how rich my life has become with transgender friends, some who I only meet in the past year. I will not post my Thankiness list, but it has been an a...

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a solemn reminder that we have lost precious members from our communities. According to gender.org's site , The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder in 1998 kicked off the “ Remembering Our Dead ” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Since then, the event has grown to encompass memorials in dozens of cities across the world. Below is a list of who we remember this year, knowing that most likely others died, but we have yet to hear their stories. Even in death some families deny the transgender identity of their sons and daughters and brothers and sisters. This ...

Tomorrow I premiere my newest one-person show, Transfigurations--Transgressing Gender in the Bible . I don't often share about my process as a playwright, mainly because I assume most people find it boring. Lately though people have asked me about how I create and build a new theater piece. If you are interested in process, read away. If not, surf away to your next blog. I don't actually write the play, not with pen and paper or through a word processing program. In fact, I never have a script written until after the 12th performance. I find that when I script lines of dialog, they sound bulky, clumsy, wooden. I want an authentic sound. So once I have all my basic ideas in my head, with some written notes, I create my characters, and then I have fun and play. I speak as these characters and let the words form in my mouth. Sometimes I leave funny messages on friends' voice mails, or I walk around the house composing lines. This is the power of the oral tradition. For many o...

Trailer as in movie trailer--no, we did not hold our conference in double-wide metal box (no offense to trailer dwellers). Brian Murphy who created the short film (approx. 15 min) about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference, has just released a much shorter version that he posted on YouTube. So for those with short attention spans, slow internet downloads or just too busy for the whole 15 minutes, you can get a sense of the conference in under three minutes. Thanks Brian! You can view the complete version here .

I've gotten to spend lots of quality time with Christine Bakke, my fellow co-founder of Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg). Last week I spent a few days in Denver, CO, near where Christine lives, so that we could spend time working on the bXg site and some of our next steps. Lots of exciting stuff coming up! Last night Christine and I sat for a long and relaxed interview on the Strictly Confidential Radio Program. (You can hear an archived recording of the program here . We cover topics from demons to tap dancing and I even do excerpts from Homo No Mo) What a treat to not have to rush through the issues and our stories. I love how Christine speaks about the ex-gay movement. She has really influenced me to understand that many different types of people provide ex-gay treatment and ministry. Most ex-gay ministers are not in it for the money. They really think they offer the best possible option to LGBT folks. And the reality is, that some folks do get a measure of help from their time in the ex-g...

Christine Bakke, my fellow co-founder of Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg), and I will appear on the Strictly Confidential radio program on Tuesday November 13, 2007 starting at 9:00 PM (eastern standard time). Peter Goldbold hosts the program and tells us that it is not a rushed affair at all, so we should have lots of time to talk about our ex-gay experiences and more importantly the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement. You can listen live here . If you haven't done so yet, check out Brian Murphy's film about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . UPDATE: You can listen to a recorded archive copy of the two hour program here .

Brian Murphy , a filmmaker and one of the Soulforce Equality Riders attended the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference this summer in Irvine, CA. He shot video and put together a great short film. Most moving for me is the portion where he films the Chalk Talk where we write our ex-gay experiences, both the good and the bad. Also the film highlights the stories of more ex-gay survivors, some speaking publicly for the first time. The link for the film is here or just click on it above. In other multi-media news, Daniel Gonzales just posted set of videos in an excellent and insightful series where Jim Burroway talks about his visit to Focus on the Family's Love Won Out conference. Check it out here .

I have been surprised at the fairly constant interest in the Ex-Gay Movement by German-speaking media people. In just the past 18 months I have been featured in a German women's magazine , a large mainstream Frankfurt newspaper and this summer on national German TV . (Hi Michael, are you still stalking me?) I've asked these German and Austrian journalists about their fascination with the ex-gay story, and they tell me things like, "Well we don't have things like that in our country." Hmm, true, but neither do they have ex-gayness going on in Denmark and Belgium and Spain, and we don't see stories published there about the ex-gay movement. (Although French Glamour did recently run a piece about ex-gay survivor, Christine Bakke). The latest German-speaking coverage of the ex-gay movement comes from an Austrian in the form of a German-language Wikipedia article about me. But wait, it is not just a little paragraph mention, as it really should be. No, this is th...

Earlier this week when I was in Denver, I sat for a photo shoot. Along with fellow ex-gay survivor Daniel Gonzales , I will be featured in a national article that explores the ex-gay movement. (I am not at liberty to give any more details about the article at this time). The photographer really did a fine job of calming us down and getting us to act natural. Christine Bakke , who sadly was not interviewed for the piece (seems many reporters are just interested in hearing from former ex-gay men), asked me to take a photo of the studio which with the late afternoon light gave it an other-worldly feel. Then Christine, Daniel and I joined Eugene for Ethiopian food, which since first having it with Mike Airhart and Steve Boese in DC some years ago, has turned into the official cuisine of former ex-gays and critics of the ex-gay movement. I returned to Hartford to work on Transfigurations , (which is going soooo well) and expected to stay home, but I found out about S. Bear Bergman , a but...

Blogger Peter Varvel muses over at his blog Plastic Bubble World about his experience as a gay man growing up in an anti-gay Protestant church, How lucky am I that I wasn't raised Catholic? I had enough guilt as it was, having been raised Protestant, especially when it came to my sexuality. So, whenever I was sexually active, both guilt and my imagination fueled my paranoia. What if the guy I was having sex with was actually a vampire? What if while he was, um, "goin' downtown to pleasure me," he sprouted fangs and decided to slake his sudden thirst for blood, right in the middle of it all? I have never gotten through an entire Anne Rice novel. But I have always thought that the Christianity and homosexuality conflict would make a good background for a vampire story. Someone who spent time in an ex-gay support group, Varvel expresses some of what he got from the teachings he sat under, In real life, it would be too simple to say that ex-gay ministry teaches self-hat...

My time this week and next will be filled soaking in the stories and lives of transgender and genderqueer people. That is how I work as an artist. I soak in the stories, the narratives, the theories and then I let them infuse my work. I've made some wonderful breakthroughs with my new Transfigurations performance piece. I have unearthed some things in the Bible that have thrilled me that I have never seen before. You will be surprised to see the amazing Transgender Bible heroes lurking on the page right before your eyes. I have looked to many resources to help me begin to understand the many different sides and issues of the transgender umbrella and the amazing people under that umbrella. The greatest education has come from simply sitting and listening to transgender people as they tell me their stories. But I have also found other resources to be helpful. I list some of them below. PLEASE share yours with me! Here is Trans Family's Gender 101 Why Don't You Tell Them I am ...

They say a picture speaks louder than words. So here are three photos of where I am staying this weekend in Colorado. Sweet! The air is crisp, clear and fresh. The Colorado regional meeting of Friends (Quaker) brought me out to Colorado to deliver a keynote address about inclusion. I will also lead an interest group and help facilitate a session with the teens. Traveling in the ministry (which is technically what I am doing since I received my travel minute ) becomes a dicey thing for me. For one I am a comic and a theatrical performance artist. I work from a script most times. Among unprogrammed Quakers I have gotten the impression that Friends value it when a speaker does not spend too much in preparation before giving a message. How often I hear people praise speakers who go to the podium without any notes. The message I hear inferred is that one needs to wait on the Spirit/Light and be led in what one says. Too much preparation may limit the intent of the Spirit. As a result, when...

Truth Wins Out put out a new public service announcement (PSA) type ad about a form of ex-gay therapy that has been used. In a similar vein but even funnier and more absurd, here is a video from an Australian comedy show that takes on some zany ex-gay therapy (including the rubber band method). hat tip to Eugene .

You all will not hear too much from me during the month of November. I am in the last stages of creating a theater piece that looks at gender-different people in the Bible, those folks who transgress gender yet remain some of the most important people in the stories in which they appear. (Wanna know who? Wait to see Transfigurations !) In meeting and speaking with transgender folks this past year, I have grown to understand levels of oppression towards them perpetuated by straight people who represent the gender-normative society as well as by gay and lesbian people who also demand gender-normative presentations. I view the Bible as a mirror to help us see each other and ourselves in a way that can and should transform our thinking. And for non-trans folk (gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight) in regards to trans folks, I see that the challenge is to no longer conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This process so often comes through liste...