Peterson Toscano's A Musing

I love Memphis, TN. It is one of my favorite cities in the USA despite the fact that so many Memphibians (it is on the Mississippi River) say the most disparaging things about their fair city. The LGBT communities in Memphis are amazing, and I feel so grateful that back in 1999 when I was just coming out, I had the support and mentoring of so many fine LGBT folks in Memphis. Nearly five years ago in Memphis at Holy Trinity Community Church, I premiered my play, Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House (The Rev. Meadows character is actually somewhat based on Rev. Tim Meadows, a pastor at the church). So I think it is fitting that I do my retirement show in Memphis. (Note: I say retirement meaning that I will officially announce my retirement of the play on Feb 22, 2008 in Memphis and then in Cher-like fashion, I will have a farewell tour that will extend into May, well without all the costume changes) February 22-24, 2008! You need to come to Memphis that weekend. Not because ...

Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg) and the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center will host an art show with works by those whose lives have been negatively affected by the ex-gay movement. This could include former ex-gays, as well as spouses, children, parents, and friends of former ex-gays. In the summer of 2007, at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in Irvine, CA Beyond Ex-Gay organized a similar art show that helped to communicate how for many of us ex-gay experiences caused more harm than good. Beyondexgay.com also features art by ex-gay survivors at its online gallery . Submissions of all types of visual art are welcome including drawings, painting, collage, mixed media, photography, or multimedia. Please send photos of your work, along with dimensions, a brief statement about how the work relates to your ex-gay experience, and any other information by February 13th, 2008 to bxg (at) beyondexgay.com We cannot guarantee that we will feature your artwork, but our panel will review your submiss...

Jim Burroway and Daniel Gonzales from Box Turtle Bulletin posted some new videos recently. In the following two Jim talks about this experience at this past summer's Exodus ex-gay conference. Celibacy: What if Change Doesn't Happen? My Expectations Were Blown Away (Including a nod to Broadway musicals, shopping and camping it up) Two weeks ago Jim posted video about Love Won Out and in it speaks about the parents who attend LWO and the grief that many appeared to express. He shares about how the ex-gay message can drive a wedge between fathers and sons. I love how thoughtfully Jim approaches his time at LWO and the insights he shares. And although I posted it here before, I thought I would repost Brian G. Murphy's wonderful short film about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference .

Through my local Quaker meeting, I have had a Support Committee for the past several years. The committee provides me a group of people who know me for the long-term, understand my work, my mission, my goals and give me emotional, spiritual and practical support (including rides to the train station and short-term loans). They also helped me craft my travel minute which has been endorsed by my local meeting, Connecticut Quarterly Meeting and New England Yearly Meeting. Before we meet, which happens about once every six to eight weeks, I write up a report about what has been happening with my work and my life and what is about to happen--sort of a State of the Peterson Report. Then we meet, gathering in silent prayer and then in a worshipful way walk through the report and discuss the various issues. This process has helped me tremendously in finding clarity and in getting the support I need to do what I do. For my most recent report I included a little year in review. It's...

Kathy Rieser welcomes Peterson back to the Out Loud & Queer radio program on Friday January 25, 2008 from 10-11 pm Eastern Standard Time. This is an hour-long live program that you can hear streaming . What will they talk about? Hmmm, not sure but Marvin may make an appearance, and I am sure there will be talk about Transgenger Bible characters and talk about upcoming events . Kathy may even open the phone lines. Radio Catskill is a sustainable hydroelectric powered station . Cool!

Change is Possible! For years that's been the major slogan of the ex-gay organization Exodus. Of course for people weighed down with the expectation that they must be straight at any cost, the vague promise of change lured them to seek a cure from being gay. Once in the doors, they learned that an actual change in orientation was not a realistic goal for most, yet leaders dangled other vague promises before desperately hopeful strugglers. "If you stick with it, you will find that some of your same-sex attractions will actually diminish just like they did for me." (statement replete with photo of ex-gay leader accessorized with wife and some children). People should feel free to live the lives they desire. If someone who experiences primarily same-sex attractions wishes to explore a heterosexual life, no one should hold them back. But if "growing into" that life requires years of counseling, weekly support groups, hundreds of hours of prayer, annual conferences...

I once heard Kurt Vonnegut say, Everyone should practice art because art enlarges the soul. Not too long ago a queer high school student from California contacted me about a project he began for school. The idea soon blossomed and he realized that more than just his peers could participant. According to the site, Lost2Found is a project that aims to shed light on the journey of coming-out as well as being out in today’s society. The project is art based, encouraging the use of any medium of art to portray the journey in all its aspects. From the hard and painful experiences, to the lighthearted and simple ones, coming-out is overlooked. If people could see what it means to an LGBTQ individual to come-out, if they can see how we feel. How we see the world and how the world treats us, we can give them a perspective they’ve never seen before. How so? Art. Art is a window into an artist’s soul, as many have described. Those who create art, put their emotions and messages into the pieces, ...

Marvin is really taking his role as a video blogger seriously. In this one Marvin Bloom wipes out the four leading Republican candidates (McCain, Giuliani, Romney and Huckabee) and instead reveals the Republicans' secret weapon to destroy Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Today in the USA we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Hillary Clinton recently drew fire with her suggestion that President Lyndon B Johnson helped to realize Dr. King's dream with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 . Visit the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, TN. The life, work and death of Dr. King will move you deeply. But Mrs. Clinton raises an important point. It takes a village to raise the issue and to make change happen. With all of his charisma, intelligence and skills, Dr. King relied heavily on others to not only see his dream come to pass, but even to shape the very nature of that dream. I think of the extraordinary efforts and contributions of Bayard Rustin, the Black, gay, Quaker, who fought for civil liberties beginning in the late 1930's. Rustin served as the key organizer of the 1947 Journey of Reconciliation, the very first Freedom Rides. According to Standford University's King Encyclopedia , Rustin became a key advi...

Thanks to Noa Resare, I began to use Google Reader for the first time. What a great way to keep track of news' stories and my favorite blogs. I can use it on my phone as well off-line on my laptop. So here is a little round-up of some of the things happening in the blog world. Myths over the "Gay Plague" Jim Burroway over at Box Turtle Bulletin published some articles about MRSA, the staph infection that was in the news this past week. Lots of hype and misinformation going around about this, and some anti-gay folks locked onto the story and gleefully announced a new gay disease. Seems it is not so new and not a gay thing at all. The media now has begun to set the record straight. Check out Mainstream Media Retreats From MRSA Hysteria-- Where are LaBarbera's and Barber's apologies? and Testing The Premise: Is MRSA The New Gay Plague? Not according to the medical literature. Quaker Response to violence in Kenya Peggy Senger Parsons, who has done work with victims...

I landed at JFK Thursday evening and spent the night with family friends in the Lower East Side. Since the weather in NYC was so beautiful (and I desired to delay my homecoming) I spent the day in the city on a progressive vegan meal tour that extnded from 2nd St to Lincoln Center in the 60's. To start off I had vegan BLT bagel w/ a schmere of tofu cream cheese along with a soy latte. Two Thai meals later I landed back at the home of the family friends to sample their vast wine selection (I recommend the malbec, but then I always do). Today I take the bus home to face a messy apartment ravaged by roofers who did their dirty deed in my absence. Soon I will resume normal blogging (whatever that means). Marvin tells me he has a video about the US Presidential election. seems Mr. Bloom has taken over this blog again gathering many more comments than I do. But I am so modest, I don't mind.

Thought you might like to see some photos. Alex and I went for a walk yesterday during sunset. We walked into town for fika and decided to stay for the film, The Golden Compass, which I liked very much.

Marvin Bloom returned safe and sound to the secure shores of the USA and soon after e-mailed a video file he wanted me to upload for him. I was sick with a stomach virus for a few days, so got delayed, and then I received a flurry of frantic e-mails from Marvin. I tried to explain that I was ill and most likely under attack by the devil (something that I thought he would appreciate), but he claimed that Satan won't mess with me since, like Joe G., I am backslidden. He then accused me of kissing too many Swedish men. As if I were that lucky. In this video Marvin recounts yet another bizarre incident that occurred during his brief stay in Sweden. I was off having a normal fika with a new friend when Noa and Alex lured Marvin into a sauna with a pack of other hot naked Swedes. Needless to say this sorely tested Marvin's ex-gay convictions.

Earlier this week I heard from Riem Higazi about her English language radio program for FM 4 in Austria. She wanted to explore the ex-gay myth and felt it vital to include the voice of an ex-gay survivor. After a spirited conversation (she made me laugh out loud three times), we did the interview where I shared some of my story and talked about the ex-gay movement and the ex-gay survivor movement. She will air the piece today which can be heard streaming on-line. Also featured in the piece will be Jean-Marie Navetta, director of communications for the national office of Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (PFLAG). Jean-Marie recently attended Focus on the Family's Love Won Out event, and she will share about that harrowing experience. Seems that Riem had trouble finding ex-gay providers who would be willing to speak to the press. But she finally found someone willing to speak out. Wendy Gritter, of New Directions, an ex-gay program in Toronto, Canada will be featured. Wendy ...

In a bizarre incident reminiscent of one that I once experienced, Marvin Bloom, recounts an intimate encounter with a hot Swede that resulted in a sexual release (it is not what you are thinking). As a former homosexual (AKA ex-gay) Marvin gets touched by the Holy Spirit (or something) and finds even more evidence that God is at work to will and do his good pleasure, and at the hands of a Swede no less!

As I mentioned earlier this week (um is today only Tuesday???) Vince Cervantes along with his mom appeared on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. The topic was about on-line secrets. Vince had come out gay through his MySpace page. Vince shares about the experience on the show here . And you can see video of it here . Thank you Vince for stepping up and telling your story.

Previously Eric Leocadio spoke about a suicide attempt at age 14. In the following video Eric talks about how his struggle led him to find help. This is the second video segment of my four part Survivor series telling my story of growing up gay, becoming Christian, struggling with same sex attractions, and reconciling the conflict between my faith and my sexuality. Daniel Gonzales of Box Turtle Bulletin (and in partnership with Beyond Ex-Gay ) recorded, created and edited the video ( creative commons license ).

Marvin is on the road with me for the past four days. I flew him out to Northern Sweden to help me with my play The Re-Education of George W. Bush--No President Left Behind . Marvin serves as the Emcee of the show and has begun traveling with me. Of course he didn't want to leave his room all week. Well you can learn about this for yourself. Spiritual oppression, binding the strong men, "normal" Swedish families and the evocation of Willie Hewes .

Vince Cervantes, a fellow performance artist and ex-gay survivor, has been busy telling his story these days through his blog and YouTube videos (y tambien en Español) He also will appear today (Monday) on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet (mostly on Fox stations in the US). The subject will look at teen confessions and in Vince's case, those who have come out on-line. I heard from Vince that his mother will be on the show too. I believe his partner (also Vince) will tape it and post it, but check it out live if you can.

As many of you know I flew to Sweden on Christmas Day and will be here in the Northern city of Umeå until the 17th. My hosts, Alex and Noa, take very good care of me with a full vegan spread at every meal. They even let me cook when I want. :-) I face no danger or fears here, other than I might get crushed in the elevator by the garbage can if I am not wary. Of course if this does happen, I have been sufficiently warned, so it will be my own damn fault. I realize that less than 10% of people living in the US have a passport. Most of us do not leave our country, which impoverishes us culturally, intellectually and socially. Sure not everyone can afford to travel, but as a culture we cannot afford to stay home either. I learn so much on the road. It's like I've been on an advanced graduate course learning something new every day about history, philosophy, music, food, science and even math. Last night we had dinner with a brilliant mathematician, Ewa and her partner Pontus. Also ...

Christine and I receive many e-mails and messages via Beyond Ex-Gay . Most of them are from fellow ex-gay survivors sharing some of their story, giving a word of affirmation and support, or offering to help in some way. We also get a handful of letters from people who believe our work is misguided. Recently I received such a message from a visitor to the site, a woman who used to live as a lesbian but now is ex-gay. In her message she shared some of her story and concluded with the exhortation, "Please don't give up!! Pursue Jesus and He will heal you!!" Below is my response. As with all such responses, I copied Christine, who after reading it, asked me to post it at bXg. I am a Christian, but bXg is not a Christian site. We seek to be faith-friendly, and we realize that ex-gay survivors represent a wide diversity of backgrounds. My response is written by a Christian to a Christian. Thank you for taking the time to write to us. From your writing I do not sense that y...

Greetings from Northern Sweden, Umeå to be exact, where the snow has fallen steadily and no one minds at all. Really they delight in it as they laugh at folks from the US with our winter storm warnings and canceled events. The new year started well with a house party outside of the city replete with fireworks at midnight. Each day I have taken a walk in the woods and in the nearby park. Today Alex and Alice (the dog) and I walked around the lake, which takes about 90 minutes. Amazing how many people are out and about in the winter weather--skiing, skating, jogging and even riding bike. In celebration of a new year, I Simpsonized myself. I went for a genderqueer look. You should try it yourself! I spent the first day of the new year updating my schedule for winter/spring of 2008. I didn't put everything up yet, but it is a pretty full list up through May with trips to Europe, West Virginia, Philadelphia, Memphis and more. No Texas yet and it looks like I am neglecting the West Coa...

Blogger , community organizer and ex-gay survivor Eric Leocadio recently sat with Daniel Gonzales to tape some video for Box Turtle Bulletin and Beyond Ex-Gay . Eric recounts much of his experience as an ex-gay including events leading up to his decision to attend and ex-gay program. In this first of a four part series, Eric talks about a suicide attempt when he was age 14. I have met many other ex-gay survivors who at some point in the midst of their struggle over their sexuality, they attempted or seriously considered attempting suicide. Ex-Gay Survivor Eric - Part One - Suicide & The Porcelain Punisher

Ah, such good music this year. I feel like doing nothing more on this New Year's Day than to sit and listen to music. Here is a list of some of my favorites that I discovered this year (although some are older). They are in no particular order. The Mountain Tomb The Speaker Stars Namoli Brennet Nothing In Our Way Now It's Overhead Feet Asleep Thao Nguyen Van Helsing Boombox Man Man You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb Spoon The World Stops Turning Ted Leo & The Pharmacists Fuck Your Pain Away The Cliks Cleanse Song Bright Eyes This Boy I'm From Barcelona Currents Dashboard Confessional What If? Lucinda Williams A Virgin Like You The Ark Billy Brown Mika Going to a Town Rufus Wainwright And I Found This Boy Maia Hirasawa Ok, your turn. What were some of your favorite songs for the year?