Peterson Toscano's A Musing

I leave tomorrow night for London and will not have time to blog until sometime next week. Some updates: I performed Queer 101—Now I Know My gAy,B,C's at a high school outside of Boston today. The first session had about 350 students and the second session had at least 500. They listened deeply and asked excellent questions. Tomorrow morning I perform the same play at Manchester Community College. Beyond Ex-Gay will co-host two conferences in Barcelona at the end of May. I have some info up at our site , but it is in Catalan. I hope to have info in English soon. I will give a keynote address (in Castilian). I mean I can do dinner and directional Spanish, but this is going to be a stretch. I love a challenge. On May 5 Beyond Ex-Gay will be featured in LOGO TV's Be Real Program . (Tom D left me a snarkily sweet text message saying he saw me in the trailer for the program) They interviewed Christine and me as well as my dad, and ex-gay survivors John Holm and Scott Tucker. I thi...

Since our trip to Sweden, Marvin has not quite been the same. I was unaware of all the big changes going on in his life until about two weeks ago when we met up for lunch. Turns out he burst forth some good news to share with me, but he made me promise to be quiet about it until he was ready to say it in his own words. As so often happens with Marvin, good news becomes, well, not bad, but not quite good either. See for yourself and give Marvin some comments to help him on his journey. Oh, and I retired Homo No Mo just in time! Now you can see, Straight to Heaven , an ex-gay parody in musical form that was presented at the GCN --Gay Christian Network Conference 2007. Hilarious! hat tip to Ex-Gay Watch Oh, and it gets better. Here is a clever little video of a Jewish gay guy coming out straight to his mother. She doesn't take it very well. Hat tip to Good As You

Although I was born in Stamford, CT, our family moved to the Sullivan County Catskills when I was in first grade. I attended Narrowsburg Central Rural School, which educated about 300 students at a time from grades K-12. I graduated in 1983 with one of the LARGEST classes in Narrowsburg history with a whopping 36 people. I can't tell you how special it felt (and at times constraining) to have virtually all of the same classmates throughout primary, middle and high school. Last night I performed Homo No Mo to a very interesting audience of mostly straight people with the average age about 60. Not my typical demographic. Although they did not laugh as loud or often as most of my audiences, I could tell they listened deeply. Some of you who perform may understand how you can sense how an audience responds even when they remain quiet. I knew I did not have to rush, and indeed when I got to the scene where Chad has his breakdown over the loss of his brother, I heard sobbing in the the...

The National Association for the Research and Treatment of Homosexuality (with its sinister sounding acronym NARTH), purports to provide a secular and scientific approach to their work. They offer reparative therapy--those pesky treatment plans with high hopes and false claims to straighten out the gays (which never seem to work all that well and most often cause more harm than good.) More and more we see people like Joseph Nicolosi, who had been long-time president of NARTH, and also Warren Throckmorton, who has criticized NARTH in order to make way for his own version of reparative therapy by another name, trying to influence credible scientific organizations like the American Psychiatric Association into acknowledging some form of the degaying process. But under the psycho-babble we see all the same ole religiously fueled anti-LGBT rhetoric. In a recent Christianity Today article , Warren Throckmorton waded into the gender waters by discounting the transgender experience. Where di...

In his latest video, replete with an appropriate cuckoo clock sound effect, Daniel Gonzales took on the anti-gay, pro-ex-gay campaign, inaccurately titled, The Day of Truth . By the end of Daniel's video, I think you will agree that "Day of Truth" misleads and misinforms on the facts about people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. The Day of Truth people can't even come up with 30 seconds of truth. How do they think they will actually fill up a whole day of truth?

Today I did something I've never done before. I watched my play Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House—How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement! I have had video, DVD and audio versions of the play since as early as 2003, but the most I ever watched or listened was about 10 minutes. I always had an image in my head of what the play looked like on stage and worried that if I saw what it really looks like than it would mess something up for me in subsequent performances. Yesterday I arrived in Memphis, TN (one of my favorite places on the planet). Today I met with Morgan Jon Fox , that fine filmmaker, to look at his edits of my Homo No Mo play which he and his crew filmed back in February. I had to watch the entire film version and give Morgan feedback about the edits and the artistic touches he added. The crew did an amazing job with the taping of the show, and even though I knew every line, I still found myself laughing out loud at least twice. Towards the end, when the chara...

I landed in Rochester, NY after performing at College of Wooster near Cleveland, Ohio. I had a blast on the Wooster campus with a Quaker Friend, Emily who I met when she was a teen in the New England Yearly Meeting high school program (Young Friends). After the performance in Wooster, one student shared with me a letter his mother wrote him when she suspected that he might be gay (Mom always knows first). The letter broke my heart. In it I read so much fear and concern and love and misinformation all jumbled up together. Apparently the mother spoke with someone from a church who pointed her towards Exodus saying that change is possible--help is at hand. My own mother warned me not to judge parents too harshly, especially when they first find out their kid is queer. Parents grew up in a different time when the idea of a happy well-adjusted safe LGBT person did not exist (at least in the popular culture and in the mainstream). Parents need to get some new information, and sadly Exodus te...

One of the number one key word searches that bring people to both my English and Spanish blogs has to do with questions from women who want/need to know what to do when they find out their husbands are gay. That or simply the question, How do I know if my husband is gay? Is my husband a homosexual? I have a blog entry, My Gay Husband—A Spouse Speaks Out , (and a similar one in Spanish ) which is my most visited entry. Women have added their own stories and questions in the comments section. Yesterday I received another comment that I want to share. Wives with similar experiences, feel free to offer whatever support you can over at the original thread . I feel at a loss as to what to say, but I have seen you comfort and support each other in marvelous ways. Thank goodness I found this site. I have been married 38 years and I have asked my husband if he is gay or bi but he always said no. Two days ago I found out that he is and it explains so much. Of course I feel betrayed, that our ...

I felt terrified when I performed my play Transfigurations in front of Virgina Ramey Mollenkott and her partner Suzannah. I mean Dr. Mellenkott is like the foremost scholar on gender in the Bible. She spoke earlier in the day. Earlier in the day I sat mesmerized by the depth of knowledge and the impeccable delivery. She said she genuinely liked my play and agreed to send me a little blurb for me to put on my site. This is what she had to say, Bible-lovers, gender-transgressors of all sorts, people who love justice! Make haste to see Peterson Toscano's play Transfigurations as soon as possible! His biblical exegesis is insightful and accurate, and you will glean a whole new perspective painlessly because of his charming performance. --Dr. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, author of Omnigender, co-author of Transgender Journeys.

Over at the Gay Christian Network I received a thoughtful private message with a series of questions that I have heard before (but not quite so eloquently presented. Why are so many former ex-gay participants still so very focused on the ex-gay movement? What is it, specifically, regarding this program that causes this retro-focus? Is the “brainwashing” so thorough that it is difficult to counteract? Forgive me, but is this focus motivated by some sort of anger or indignation (which, just for the record, would be completely legitimate feelings based on what little I know regarding the ex-gay movement)? How is it truly possible to move on from the ex-gay movement if, as a former participant, the ex-gay movement is still such a clear focus? Is it possible to be focused on the ex-gay movement and fully move past the negative influences of that program? If someone has participated in the ex-gay movement and has decided that it doesn’t work, why is it necessary to focus on the movement onc...

Tonight on Canada's Global Television Cure for Love , a documentary about the Ex-Gay Movement will air. Cure For Love is a new documentary about the " ex-gay " movement - a religious network whose goal is to help their members renounce homosexuality. The ex-gay movement now encompasses 120 ministries in the US and Canada and is active in 56 countries world wide. The film follows two men who have experienced the ex-gay movement in different ways. One gets married, though he admits he is still attracted to men, and another struggles to embrace his homosexuality. The film premieres on Global Television, at 7pm Saturday April 12 . With startling honesty, the men tell their stories of struggle to reconcile their sexual orientation with their Christian values. At least one ex-gay survivor I met through Beyond Ex-Gay and this blog will be featured in the film. The Canadian crew also attended the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in Irvine, CA this past summer. The picture above shows...

Anyone remember Burger King's big ad campaign a few years back? Hold the pickle. Hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. In their attempts to position themselves in the fast food market, BK encouraged customers to "have it your way." Being a vegan, I am the queen of special orders. Restaurants in the US, Canada, Europe and the UK have accommodated me with my non-animal product-based diet, sometimes begrudgingly and with attitude. When I attended the Love in Action residential ex-gay program in Memphis, TN, I needed to suspend my vegetarian lifestyle. Each participant took turns cooking the evening meal. With a budget of sometimes less than $20 for 14 people, participants served lots of casseroles filled with greasy ground beef. Although no one ever challenged the inappropriateness of it, at least twice a month someone served up corn dogs (which looked strangely like a dick on a stick). I stayed away from the beef and hot dog products, and for my turn most al...

Feeling weepy after reading Dan Savage's column about his mom who died the other day, and then I saw a beautiful and heart wrenching movie called Yesterday . Yesterday (Leleti Khumalo) lives in Rooihoek, a remote village in South Africa's Zululand. Her everyday life is not easy—there's little money, no modern conveniences, and her husband is away in Johannesburg working as a miner—but she possesses a sunny nature, and takes great joy in her seven-year-old daughter, Beauty (Lihle Mvelase). The precarious balance of Yesterday's life is suddenly threatened when she is diagnosed with AIDS and must journey afar to understand and confront her illness. Yesterday's primary driving force is Beauty, who is a year away from starting school. Yesterday never had the chance to go to school and she sets her sights on a single goal: to be with Beauty on her first day of class, along wit...

Last night I arrived in time for a 12 hour layover in Hartford. Enough to do laundry and spend quality time with my plant. Now I travel by bus to the airport to pick up a car to drive to Williamstown, MASS to present tonight. In the morning I drop off the car and fly out to Minneapolis for a few days. On one flight yesterday I sat next to a couple who are Quakers from Ohio. Either I recognized them from a national gather or they just had that Quaker look. I don't suppose I have developed that look yet. Having gone to West Hills Friends Meeting on Sunday as well as spending time with Doug and his husband in Portland (and John and company in Urbana before that) gave me lots of opportunties for spiritual renewal. Also my dear Friend Esther in the UK gave me her small book of Advices & Queries last year which I reflected upon on my final flight home. I am wired for spiritual things--prayer, devotional reading, existential questions. I have been deeply influenced by Quakers resulti...

I have spent the weekend in Portland, OR at the Transforming Faith, Divining Gender Conference where in addition to performing and co-presenting with Allyson Robinson , I sat in on the most amazing and mind expanding talks. In particular I sat in awe as I heard Dr. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott speak about Transgender Behavior and Imagery in the Bible . Dr. Mollenkott does not only provide brilliant, thoughtful and moving content, she speaks like a poet. She never wastes a word. I am not one to sit and listen to a talk much, but I could have sat there all day soaking in her words and the ways she expressed them. Scholarly performance art at its finest. She outlined seven points that she then explored in detail. The Scriptures are trans friendly Transgender individuals and issues help to transcend stereotypes. The presence of transgender people in the Bible (and faith communities) are reminders of diversity. Transgender people have historically built the bridges between the seen and the u...

I arrived in Portland, Oregon yesterday (with my bag containing my costumes trailing behind me but eventually showing up). I adore being in Portland, and it is not just the coffee. I arrived at the airport and Jim, from the Anawim community picked me up. This is a group of gay Christian men who have met together every Thursday night for years so that they can share a meal, discuss the scripture and then spend time in silent prayer holding up each others concerns and joys. I made it just in time for their once every month gathering where all three of the Anawim groups that normally meet separately around the city get together for a big meal, prayer and communion. They even provided me vegan fare! What I appreciate about this group is seeing the genuine love in action among them. One of the brothers, after three years of sobriety, slipped back into a drug habit. After an intervention, the brother elected to go into treatment. In the meantime he had lost his job and is in about to get evi...

Last night after my show at the University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, a student approached me to tell me that for his 20th birthday his parents gave him a very special gift--one session with an ex-gay therapist from NARTH (the National Association for the Research and Treatment of Homosexuality). Thanks Mom and Dad! Surprisingly the NARTH sexpert informed his young patient that the therapy is not sanctioned by the APA or any other legitimate medical or mental health association--a rare admission. Needless to say the therapy did not take and sadly relations with folks remain strained. Below Christine Bakke has created a scene including Homo No Mo's Chad getting ministered to by NARTH head Joseph Nicolosi If the father drops the kid and the kid gets brain damage, at least he’ll be straight. Small price to pay, ” laughs Nicolosi. The audience chuckles at the thought of a straight baby with brain damage. source Ex-Gay Watch

On April 2, 2007 we launched Beyond Ex-Gay and announced the 2007 Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. We're taking a few minutes to share the BXG love and look at all that's been accomplished: June 20, 2007: Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg) and Soulforce invite Exodus leaders to dinner. June 27, 2007: Former Exodus leaders issue a public apology for their roles in the ex-gay world. June 29, 2007: Dinner with three Exodus leaders. June 29-July 1, 2007: Ex-Gay Survivor Conference ; Reflections from survivors who attended. July 2 - August 3, 2007: The Ex-Gay Survivor Initiative Ex-Gay Survivors told their stories in front of places that promote and provide ex-gay therapy/ministry. August 17, 2007: Three former ex-gay leaders in Australia add their names to the apology from June 27. Fall 2008: Dozens of ex-gay survivors come forward to tell their stories through bXg, blogs, video and in the press. February 22-24, 2008: Deconstructing the Ex-Gay Myth —A Weekend of Action and Art, Memphis, TN. Up...

Over the weekend I got to thinking about some people I know who are partially out as LGBT. They have a few on-line friends who know they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, and maybe one or two non-net friends who know. Many of the most significant people in their lives do not know. Perhaps that is the best way for them right now, but I have found that living too long like that can drain us of life. As I prayed about that I wrote the following poem. We speak riddles to ourselves, proclaiming, in whispers, "I am OK" But strapped to our backs We bear a wardrobe, the opposite of that portal to Narnia, a closet that dumps us into a smaller world, a cramped, musty place of shadows. "I don't want to upset my mother." "My brother will never understand." "No need to flaunt it." "It's only a tiny part of me." A part muffled in a velvet-lined padded valise, Jammed in the back of a wardrobe, besides dusty boxes of dreams and desires...