Peterson Toscano's A Musing

The big joke about Americans is that we suck when it comes to Geography. Yeah, if it wasn't for my travels, I'd be clueless. Worse still is the misinformation I received in history class. I'm reading Marc Allen's The Millionaire Course , which has very little to do with being a millionaire and everything to do with living an intentional life in the pursuit of our dreams. In the chapter covering the power of partnership, he shares ideas he gleaned from Riane Eisler's book The Chalice and the Blade. (a must read!) Eisler believes that two major world systems influence every country and even business and personal interactions. The Blade = domination The Chalice = partnership Allen's misinformed education sounds identical to mine. Nearly all the world history we were taught in school has been the history of the blade—the history of domination—the conquest of warrior societies, beginning with the Greeks and Romans. World History—at least this is what I was taught—s...

I've been thinking about toes lately (not in a fetishy sort of way). I normally overlook my sweet little toes except when I have a problem with one of them or I need to clip renegade nails. Those little guys and gals at the end of my feet typically don't play a role in my day to day musings. Here's a pitch for a horror movie. (Just in time for Halloween) One morning everyone all over the world wakes up to find all their toes fell off during the night. (Don't ask how it happened I haven't worked it out yet) Detached toes lie in clumps at the bottom of our beds. Suddenly the able-bodied human bi-peds who always took for granted their mobility, cannot walk, cannot stand. See without our toes we're toast. We can't walk or even stand up on our own. In an ironic twist, many people with physical disabilities will suddenly be more able bodied than those of us who have strolled freely. Those little guys and gals at the end of our feet play a critical role in most of...

Christine aka Rising Up recently introduced me to the work Virginia Ramey Mollenkott , a Christian lesbian scholar. After reading the transcript from an address she gave entitled Whore-ishly Implementing the Political Vision of the Christ-Sophia , I feel full as a tick! (an expression not lost on my friends from the American South) I can easily write five posts about the content Mollenkott covers in her brief talk and her refreshing insights into how Jesus embodied the sort of political activism that not only reaches out to marginalized and oppressed minorities, but also incites liberation. She also talks about how in Jesus' day, all women not under the direct control of a man (husband, father or brother) were considered whores. So it wasn't just what you do, but who controls you. In speaking about activism and our need to join with other oppressed minorities, Mollenkott says, We lesbians can live in separatist bliss if we want to, but that does nothing for the larger society ...

I just performed and spoke at the State University of NY at Oneonta (about an hour from the state capital, Albany). I was here last April with Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House and this time I presented Queer 101 , showed excerpts of Fish Can't Fly and spoke about the "ex-gay" movement. I just love the people here. Amazing professors looking at issues of power and privilege through the lens of African studies, Caribbean studies, Women's studies, Queer studies...you get the point. I get to hang out witih super students like Sarah(s) and Amy and Heather and Ishmael and Gavin. I always learn so much when I come to university like this one. In the audience this evening was a small group of young white men from a conservative Christian campus group. I was so pleased when two of them approached me after the show and asked questions about the Bible and how I can justify being gay in light of what the scriptures seem to say. We chatted about the six clobber p...

Lots of "ex-gay" proponents claim that one of the causes of same-sex attraction is childhood sexual abuse. I don't think they are lying; they truly believe it. In fact, I imagine that the majority of people who attend their programs have been sexually abused, so in their logic they have concluded that sexual abuse + other factors (family, gender confusion, etc) = GAY. Instead of searching for the elusive root causes of same-sex attraction, I wish they would ask themselves, "Why do our programs attract same-gender loving people who have also been sexually abused?" I think of my own story. I was sexually abused as a young boy. Age seven. That abuse filled me with shame and guilt, partly because it was a much older boy who perpetrated it, and I actually enjoyed some of it. I was already gay before I was abused--I felt an attraction towards other boys. Filled with shame and guilt, I grew up in a decidedly homophobic society that proclaimed that being gay was a sickn...

Yep, it is official. Thanks to Christine at Rising Up from the Ashes (and the folks at PhotoShop), I now have a Homo Home Gnome. (Thanks Abby for suggesting a gnome over a cat.) He seems very happy in his new environment. He's adjusted well to my wild gay lifestyle. He even helped me make soy milk in my new artificial mechanical legume breast . You can get your own "It's Not for Sissies" products at CafePress . I personally like the Homo No Mo thong, like the gnome I wear mine on my hat.

This just in from a very handsome man in Memphis... In connection with their federal laws suit against the state of TN, Love in Action asked the judge in the case to order an injunction against the state. I believe LIA wants to keep the licensure department from keeping tabs on the program. The licensure department is responsible to make sure LIA is still in compliance with state law in regards to the number of people with mental illness in the program. The judge denied LIA's request. The trial, where LIA claims the state violated the "ex-gay" programs freedom of speech and religion is still pending. Stay tuned... (oh, and thanks handsome man in Memphis) You can read more here .

Not much to say except that I called the State of TN (yes the whole state) and found out that the Love in Action trial against the state begins tomorrow (Friday October 21, 2005) at 2:00 PM CST. When I hear more, I will post it. In talking with some friends we wonder, if LIA should win this case (meaning that their civil rights of free speech and religion had been violated), what precedent does this set? Will TN state law need to be changed? Will people with mental illness become more vulnerable to the sometimes well meaning and often times misguided practices of ministries who discount science in their pursuit to heal people. Also in the news... Anna Uhls, News Editor of The Ithacan , Ithaca College's daily, ran a cover story today entitled Coming Out . “I hadn’t come out to my parents yet,” (senior Nora McCaffrey) said. “I was terrified and unsure. I was scared they weren’t going to accept me ever again.” McCaffrey said she was afraid she was going to break her parents’ hearts w...

Phew, I finally had a few days to sort out my apartment. I recently went from a two room apartment to a one-room studio. Actually it is the same apartment, but my fabulously queer landlord and his partner needed another room for all their fabulous queer stuff. That meant I lost my kitchen (there is more to this story, but it is too complicated to explain.) Anyway, I needed to create a kitchen, living room, dinning room, office space and work-out area in my one very large bedroom. With some help from highly skilled (and heavy lifting) friends Christina, Jen and Chris I moved everything and created an organized and pleasant home. I even have room to rehearse! Now that the place is in order, I can get back to writing. I am VERY excited about my new piece, The Re-Education of George W. Bush . I'm more than half way done building it.

Exgay Watch has lots of interesting posts up this week including the following: While antigay activists con exgays into believing same-sex attraction and addiction are synonymous, some advocates for equality are constructively educating people about compulsion and offering them the practical means to change. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous offers a 20-question test, 14 characteristics of compulsion, and steps toward recovery. Check out Queer Visions for the test and more.

I had a super weekend in Baltimore performing two of my plays and premiering some new material (The Re-Education of George W. Bush). I met some super new people and caught up with old friends. Notably I hung out a bit with Bruce Garrett, the fantastic cartoon artist and blogger . He showed me some of his original artwork including a piece he did about Love in Action and some his new fun and insightful coming out series . In the past few weeks I've blogged a lot (and I still have more posts to put up) and I thought readers need a chance to catch up. I've been able to spend time thinking about several issues regarding the "ex-gay" movement, homophobia, US history and race issues among white queer leaders. Here are some post I would love you to read if you haven't yet. Who is Silencing the Ex-Gays? What's Under the Anger? (That is the anger and hate that some conservatives spew out at people who are LGBTQ) Ex-Gay, Just a Crazy American Thing? White Gay Leaders...

Janet I. Tu of the Seattle Times reports about Exodus' Groundswell ministry which seeks to target, recruit and convert youth to the "ex-gay" lifestyle. An "ex-gay" Christian ministry is coming to Seattle later this month with a new agenda — to reach gay teens. Exodus International, an evangelical organization that claims to turn people away from homosexuality and toward heterosexuality, has a new initiative called Groundswell, which aims to help youth pastors and others who work with gay teens to convey the belief that homosexuality is sinful, though God still loves people who struggle with it. Groundswell also hopes to get into public schools its message that gays have a choice and are not compelled to live as homosexuals. Read the entire article here According to an October 3, 2005 Exodus press release , This youth initiative offers resources and support to the young people who request it, information for their friends and family and training for youth workers...

Hat tip to Jennifer for sending me the link to Dionne Walker's article, Gay Leaders Seek to Bridge Racial Divide . (I think they mean White Gay Leaders) National gay and lesbian groups are responding with marketing campaigns and old-fashioned schmoozing to win over minority gays, many of whom argue white activists want their votes on gay marriage and other national issues, but rarely include poverty, racism and other minority concerns on their agendas. The article raises disturbing questions. Why exactly does the white gay leadership seek to reach out to LGBT people of color and how creative are they in trying to connect with people? Mason lists a concern of many white gay leaders: In areas where minority gay communities are not well-organized, reaching across racial lines is nearly impossible. "We don't have a Richmond black gay pride, for example," she said. "We don't have that type of opportunity for us to really find who these folks are." Well, let...

Recently writer and speaker Jay Sennett interviewed me for his blog. A female to male trans man, he asked me original questions about my body and how being in the "ex-gay" movement affected my physical identity. While in the LIA program, we were taught and expected to stand erect with our arms to the side whenever we stood to receive "feedback" from staff or other participants. Our shoulders had to be squared back with our head up. We were required to maintain direct eye contact. One of my acts of rebellion while in the program was to squint my eyes whenever I received feedback. That or I would give the most piercing eye contact possible. Read Straight Acting In other news, GayLife , Maryland's LGBT Community Newspaper, just published an interview with me. I stood in a wet and smelly phone booth in Oxford, England while I spoke with the reporter, Beth Barnes. She must have felt prety chummy with; she refers to me the article as Peter. What cheek!

Today is National Coming Out Day. Some “ex-gays” feel so silenced and marginalized by the “gay community” that they have used this week to push their film, I Too Exist . But who is really silencing these “ex-gays”? Perhaps it is their own bedfellows--the conservative religious right. A week ago Sunday I traveled by car from Southampton to London with Jeremy Marks, former Exodus International board member, former director of Exodus Europe and the founder of the once “ex-gay” now gay-affirming British group Courage. He shared insights about Exodus’ pioneering work. In the early 1970’s most Christian churches in the US wanted nothing to do with same-gender loving people. With the sexual revolution in full swing, some Christians with same-sex attractions felt overwhelmed with the rising wave of promiscuity in the world--both hetero and homo. Out of genuine compassion and the need to create a middle space, Exodus formed and did what no one had seriously done before, minister to homosexuals...

WARNING: US History Lesson. Contains Graphic Language When I studied at City College of NY, I took a Carribbean Studies class that exploded many misconceptions and myths planted in my head. It was the first time I learned that "the Indians" Columbus discovered had names. Taino . Arawak . Carib. I learned that many English words come from the Taino language . (hammock, potato, savannah and hurricane) I learned that women sometimes served as chiefs or cacique. I learned that the Tainos built canoes that could hold 100 people. I learned that the Spainards enslaved the Tainos, infected them with deadly diseases, tortured and butchered runaways, and raped the women. Bartoloméde Las Casas , a Spanish priest, documented some of the atrocities against the native people at the hands of his fellow Spaniards. I feel sick everytime I read his words . They forced their way into native settlements, slaughtering everyone they found there, including small children, old men, pregnant women,...

Yup, the Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House thong ! Totally FI ! (False Image). A bargin at $9.99 in snuggly cotton! Check out Tina Encarnacion's "It's Not Just for Sissies" line at CafePress . T-shirts, mugs and yes, thongs, suitable for confiscation when you enter LIA.

This summer Wade Richards , LIA Survivor and one of the subjects in the film Fish Can't Fly and the book Anything But Straight , told me that Seventeen Magazine 's Cara Nissman interviewed him for the teen girl's magazine (that some boys really like too!) Nissman struggled to find teen "ex-gays" and ex-ex-gays willing to tell their stories. Instead of exploiting a teeenager and possibly causing trouble with their parents and peers, for the November 2005 edition of Seventeen, she settled on 26-year-old Wade Richards, someone who speaks passionately about his early teen years in the church and late teens in LIA. The piece highlights the connection between anti-gay teachings Wade got in his conservative church and how he eventually landed into the cadilac of "ex-gay" programs. One day after church in January 1994, when Wade was 15, he went up to a few church friends, "I need help," he begged. "I want to serve God, but I think I'm gay....

bristol church window Originally uploaded by p2son . While I was a participant (patient?) in the Love in Action "ex-gay" residential program in Memphis, TN, we not only talked about sex (A LOT!) but also about our emotions. When in our rap sessions a participant brought anger issues (we had so much to be angry about), staff members John Smid, Mike Haley , and others often asked the question, "What is under the anger?" They went on to explain that anger is a secondary emotion fueled by other emotions. As a man with same-sex desires and gender-queer tendencies, I regularly feel the hate and anger woven into the policies, practices and lies packaged by conservative churches, para-church organizations, and "ex-gay" groups. When I read about religious organizations that exclude LGBTQ people from being a part of the group (even including some Quaker groups ), I feel the sting of rejection and the implicit message that there is something gravely wrong ...

Ex-Gay Watch currently is host to an engaging discussion around the comments of "ex-gay" activist, Chad Thompson. Thompson offers up his Strategies for Success talk which "unfold(s) a blueprint for complete healing from homosexuality". Commentors, including Thompson himself, discuss Thompson's claim and their implications. The comments contain rich and profound insights. As always Regan DuCass provides an intelligent and thoughtful view. I struggle with being a woman. I have struggled with being black. And sometimes I've hated being both things. Why? Because of how OTHER people treated me because I was black and/or female. Struggle is a fact of life. However, constant socio/political factors that CREATE and FOSTER the struggle itself cannot be left out of this, Chad. As I emailed to you. Identity is a powerful thing and HOW, TO WHOM, and WHY one GIVES IT UP cannot be ignored either. You didn't CHOOSE not to be gay. You were fearful of it, and knew deepl...

oxfordshire mound Originally uploaded by p2son . In many ways, the "ex-gay" movement in the UK has been crippled. Exodus lost its foothold when Courage and Jeremy Marks acknowledged that no one can change from gay to straight and that to try was just causing more damage. Many Brits I've spoken to recently assume that the "ex-gay" movement is simply another American oddity. UK Blogger and psychology PhD canidate, Contemplative Activist , begs to diiffer. She writes about the "ex-gay" and anti-gay activities that occur underground in British evangelical and charismatic churches and through the rising trend of Christian Counseling in the UK. Because it cannot be easily monitored, the unseen work of anti-gay activities in UK churches can be more harmful there then the very public work of Exodus when it was in full operation. Out of her own experiences in UK churches she writes: Was I involved in unusual crack-pot churches? No, I was not. I was ju...

Homo No MO? Originally uploaded by p2son . I arrived in NYC from London last night at 8pm and didn't crawl into my own bed until 2am, but it was worth the effort go all the way home to Hartford last night. Home for two days. Tomorrow I'll be at the Watkinson School where I will present my theater piece How the Indians Discovered Columbus . In it I highlight some of what we know about the Tainos , the people who lived in the Caribbean when Cristobal Colon and his men invaded the islands. (yes, I have an opinion about that history) Earlier today I got together with my friend, John Selders , a real champion of queer issues and the minister of Amistad Church UCC here in Hartford. Later this week I will get to present at the Boston Arts Academy , a public school with an emphasis on performing and visual arts. I will present Queer 101 then lead groups with New England Quaker wonder woman, Lisa Graustein on Thursday. Friday I will lead a master class in theater and talk to...

gayteens Originally uploaded by p2son . Time magazine's John Cloud wrote a cover article entitled The Battle Over Gay Teens . I met John when he attended the Point Foundation retreat where he interviewed a number of the young people featured in his piece. In speaking with him a few weeks after the retreat, he explained that his goal was to give gay teens as much airspace as possible in order to tell their stories (that means he had to cut out some of us older queers). Although I have not yet gotten my hands on the magazine to read the whole article (and see the lovely photos taken by Katja Heinemann who took this photo of me!) I imagine it will be thoughtful and insightful. John even attended the Exodus conference and provides first hand accounts of his time. Also, when you get a chance, check out the excellent website/blog of Keith Boykin , the speaker and co-author of Beyond the Downlow, Sex, Lies, and Denial in Black America . I find he provides a clear voice in the ...

holideck lounge Originally uploaded by p2son . I took this photo as a sipped my gin and tonic and read the Guardian. Nice way to wait for a flight, eh? The Holideck will now be known as my official London offfice. For more pics, click on the photo. Oh, I LOVE the many wild flavors of potato chips (or crisps) they have in the UK. I mean wild, not just salt and vinegar. We have prawn cocktail, thai chicken, smoky bacon and my favorite--roasted lamb with mint sauce (yummy AND vegan friendly).

Isle of Wight (The Needles) Originally uploaded by p2son . Well, I'm hanging out at the Holideck here at London's Heathrow Airport waiting for my flight. Really not a bag deal. The Holideck is the amazingly cool three level lounge with open bars, all-you-can eat snacks, wi-fi, and very, very cool interiors. This weekend I travled down to Southampton and got to spend a day at the Isle of Wight . The weather was perfect, in fact, it never rained in the 10 days I was here. On the Isle of Wight I witnessed a bartender watering his hanging flower pots with a pitcher of beer. The stuff flows like water. I enjoyed my time at the Quaker Meeting house in Southampton and staying with Contemplative Activist and her partner. Willie Hewes came down by train and Jeremy Marks drove just to hear my talk Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway House. Last evening I arrived in London and had a wonderful talk about queer issues with a well-known conservative Christian leader here...

In June I learned some very powerful lessons in Memphis from watching the QAC in action. Morgan, Cale, Suzie, Alex and the others strove to "speak truth to power" without hurting anyone, especially Zach and the other LIA/R victims/participants. They also made it clear from the beginning that their intentions were never to shut down LIA, rather to speak out against an injustice that was being done to young people. I remember when a cameraman from ABC wanted footage of Zach leaving the LIA facility. He badgered the protesters who stood in the line as he attempted to find out what Zach's family car looked like and repeatedly asked about Zach's last name (this was before Joe Stark outed his family on CBN). The QAC refused to budge. They did not in anyway wish to hurt or exploit Zach and the other participants. I think in the same spirit, even though LIA's lawsuit lists the locations of its two residential facilities, I suggest we leave those facilities alone. Hold n...