Skip to main content

Why I Do It

I confess, I meet up with "ex-gay" leaders. Yep we have coffee and lunch and phone conversations. Good times. Really.

Over at Ex-Gay Watch a commentor wondered why I was so keen on meeting with an "ex-gay" leader in my state. I posted a response which help articulate some of what I do and why we need to connect with our "opponents".

I want to meet with (an "ex-gay" leader) because we currently live in a political environment where we do not listen to each other--unless of course the person is saying something with which we agree. We may visit each other's blogs, go to a speaking engagement or tune into a radio program, but rarely do we get to connect face to face with someone who is on the other side of an issue.

This past year I have had significant and extended conversations with FOTF's Mike Haley, Exodus' Alan Chambers and others who I have agreed not to mention publically. We agreed that the majority of our conversations would not be shared with others so that we can be transparent about our feelings and experiences. (Daniel G. recently modelled this same sort of thing when he had dinner with Chad Thompson).

What these conversations have done for me is to see the humans behind the messages. As a Quaker Christian, I don't see anyone as my enemy. They may be an opponent on a specific issue, but there is much more to them and me than that one issue.

No one has the monopoly on what is right. When I meet with conservative Chrisitan leaders, I learn things about myself and about the assumptions I carry about them; perhaps they may also learn some things, but that is not my priority.

I speak out against the "ex-gay" movement because as someone who spent 17 years in it, I know first hand the damage we can do to ourselves in it. But as a Quaker Christian I believe that there is something of God in each person, and I feel compelled to glimpse a bit of God in those who it would be much easier to ridicule and dismiss.

Most likely we will retain our stance on "the issue" but for me the purpose of dialogue is not to convert someone, rather to expand our thinking. And that is something we all need to do.

Comments

Heath said…
Peterson, thanks for posting this, it's really powerful stuff. The way you can look past disagreements and reach out to people on the "other side" is really moving. It takes a lot of guts to do that :)

Reading this really made me think about the people in my life that I consider to be my rivals, and it made me realize that instead of holding pointless grudges against them, I should be reaching out to them as fellow children of God.

Your posts never cease to challenge and inspire :)
12:25 PM
Jonathan said…
Thank you Peterson for the example you are setting. I am often amazed that Christians seem the ones who most often gather up their "righteous" robes and scurry to the other side of the street when it comes to those different than themselves. If we cannot find a commonality, then we are destined to be a divided people. I really feel it is time for people of God to start looking past those things that divide and start finding those things that can begin to forge common ground.

Blessings!

j.
3:53 PM
Willie Hewes said…
*nods in complete agreement*

Listening is not the strong point of any side these days. You TELL 'em, P!
4:29 AM
Anonymous said…
Peterson, good to read this post. Thank you for pointing to the path of humility and listening. A low-key activity, but it can help to heal a nation. Keep on doing it - and all strength to you as you do so.
6:08 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Gay Husband--A Spouse Speaks Out

The other day I received the following e-mail from Susanne, a woman who found out her some years ago that her husband has same-sex attractions. I felt so moved by her words that I asked her permission to share them with you on the blog. I (recently) saw your Doin Time... and I was the one who asked about your wife during the discussion period that followed. I just read your thoughts on What About the Spouse ....and I can say, most women who find out their husbands are gay feel ALL of those things you wondered about....some in more degrees than others... When my husband was dragged out of the closet because of his irreverent, immoral, and amoral behavior that our, then, 14 and 16 year old sons had to find on our home computer, I went into the closet. I didn't know what to pray for.... Do I pray that this will go away? Do I pray that he could go back to the way things were in our family before we knew about him,? Do I pray that I could go back to the way things were? After all ,...
122 comments
Read more

The False Image of LIA

John Smid and me-Graduation 1998 (above) & John Smid today (left) By now many have heard that Tennessee's Department of Mental Health & Developmental Disabilities determined that the "ex-gay" program, Love in Action, is operating two “unlicensed mental health supportive living facilities”. LIA has until Friday, September 23 to respond. If LIA statements in Eartha Jane Melzer's article are indicative to how the "change" program might respond, we may see LIA change right before our eyes from a clinical mental health compound into a house of praise and worship. Gerard Wellman, business administrator for Love in Action, and a former Love in Action client, said Sept. 13 that the organization has been in contact with the state but would not comment further. “As a church, we operate under a different set of rules,” Wellman said. Curious, and what rules might these be? What is even more curious is that according to LIA's site only one staff member ...
158 comments
Read more

Puzzled

Last night I performed Transfigurations-Transgressing Gender in the Bible at Imago Dei Metropolitan Community Church in Glen Mills, PA (about 15 miles outside of Philly). I had a diverse audience of about 45 people -- college students, Quakers, straight, bi, trans and lesbian, young and old. I took my time with the piece maintaining a gentle meditative pace. For the ending when I reveal the identity of the narrator, I had instructed the light tech to dim the lights. Then as the closing music swelled, I asked her to raise the lights to their brigthest intensity. With the music playing, I exited. Always (up until last night) at this point the audience applauds, I wait 5 seconds then come out to take a bow. Last night I exited and then nothing. No one clapped. They sat quietly as the music played. I stood back stage puzzled, baffled. Now what do I do? Wait? Go out anyway? And I wondered for a moment, Did they hate it? Did I confuse them? Offend them? Bore them into a coma? After what ...
18 comments
Read more