In which Marvin explains why he can no longer talk about church and introduces us to his cousin Leonard.
The other day I received the following e-mail from Susanne, a woman who found out her some years ago that her husband has same-sex attractions. I felt so moved by her words that I asked her permission to share them with you on the blog. I (recently) saw your Doin Time... and I was the one who asked about your wife during the discussion period that followed. I just read your thoughts on What About the Spouse ....and I can say, most women who find out their husbands are gay feel ALL of those things you wondered about....some in more degrees than others... When my husband was dragged out of the closet because of his irreverent, immoral, and amoral behavior that our, then, 14 and 16 year old sons had to find on our home computer, I went into the closet. I didn't know what to pray for.... Do I pray that this will go away? Do I pray that he could go back to the way things were in our family before we knew about him,? Do I pray that I could go back to the way things were? After all ,...
Comments
The bit you said about your pastor saying that you shouldn't talk about what goes on in church troubles me, though. I don't like it when something has to be a secret - it always makes me wonder if what is happening is really on the up-and-up. Do you wonder about that?
I think it's hard to honestly examine things when we can't be open about them. I guess that is part of why you go to an ex-gay ministry...to be open about things in your life that you consider shameful.
Anyway, thanks for letting us meet your cousin.
There was a time when I gave such a submissive spirit to my Pastor, that I would let him decide things for me.
I vowed I would never again give someone that kind of power and authority over my life.
I have two parents who are both ministers and so I grew up in a home that knew more about the inner workings of the church than most. For your pastor to close the lid on what you can or can't say is abuse, plain and simple. It rather gives the impression that he or your church, has something to hide. Christians should be able to live transparently and apparently this is something your pastor can't do.
I would encourage you to perhaps find a church that would be more of an encouragement to you and your walk than one that seems to be a little..."off" perhaps.
As always, enjoying your posts!
j.
I was shocked by your story about the pastor who had a stroke, although I understand how it happened I still think it should be a moment for everyone who was there, not just you, but everyone, to stop and think about what happens in these "full power" services (you call them services?) and maybe think about how you can ensure that people are safe while all this power is being thrown about.
I know from my (fairly brief) experience with ritual magic that in larger rituals there was often a "designated driver" or "gatekeeper" that is to say, someone who did not take part in the ritual, but was there to ensure people were safe, and to intervene if someone was badly affected or disrupting the work or whatever.
I know that to you this will not seem the same at all, as a church service is "of the lord" and a magic circle is obviously, well, not, but I see similarities, too. In both cases you have a group of people engaging in an emotionally intense experience, and there is a high level of "energy", for want of a better word, and sometimes it can go wrong, and people get hurt. Like you have security guards at rock concerts, you should have someone there who stays "sober" so they can keep an eye on things.
Anyway, I'm sorry, that was a really lengthy comment and not what I was planning to say at all. Well, so be it. Say hi to your cousin and I look forward to your next blog.
When I lived in the UK for a short time, I was brought to a "Toronto Blessing" type charismatic service north of Kent. Lots of barking, mewing and crowing along with shaking and speaking in tongues.
I don't know what to think of it all. The folks there seemed very sincere and thoughtful people, but I felt frightened by all the noise and movement. It felt invasive to me.
I seem to find God in much more quiet places. I love the scripture "Be still and know that I am God." Pslam 46:10a
Peterson
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