In which Marvin explains the theory behind having a straight mentor in his life and the challenges involved in "that sort of relationship".
The other day I received the following e-mail from Susanne, a woman who found out her some years ago that her husband has same-sex attractions. I felt so moved by her words that I asked her permission to share them with you on the blog. I (recently) saw your Doin Time... and I was the one who asked about your wife during the discussion period that followed. I just read your thoughts on What About the Spouse ....and I can say, most women who find out their husbands are gay feel ALL of those things you wondered about....some in more degrees than others... When my husband was dragged out of the closet because of his irreverent, immoral, and amoral behavior that our, then, 14 and 16 year old sons had to find on our home computer, I went into the closet. I didn't know what to pray for.... Do I pray that this will go away? Do I pray that he could go back to the way things were in our family before we knew about him,? Do I pray that I could go back to the way things were? After all ,...
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It was good to hear about your mentor. I totally relate to your story about the super bowl party, by the way. I know this may be hard to believe, but I'm a lesbian and I can't stand watching sports. The first time I ever went to a super bowl party was with an ex-gay group, and I didn't know what was going on at all. I kept calling the half-time "intermission."
I'm curious if you think that gay folks can be Christians? I just attended a conference of gay Christians from gaychristian.net. Now, I don't know if your mentor would approve of you going to that site...but anyway...I just want to this conference and even though I'm personally not a Christian, I was really amazed at how Christ-like these people were. In fact, they were more Christian (in the true sense of the word) than most Christians I've ever met in my life. Just curious your thoughts on this...
Since differences in sexuality and mental functioning are applied as descriptors for the worst things, their lexical amalgamation signifies the ultimate abhomination – a person suffering from impairment or loss of moral discernment compounded by exaggerated spiritual pride.
The use of such a term goes against the ancient Christian peace witness, but that goes for the character of most internet dialogue. May the hand of God and the Light of God's love lift us all out of the captivity of gaytardism.
You know, there are a lot of ways to be a straight male. Sure, some straight guys drink beer and watch the superbowl, but maybe that's just not the kind of straight guy you are. Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons? Do you get a thrill of excitement when you discover a new widget for your dashboard? How do you feel about b-movie science fiction? Maybe you're not a jock, but a geek. Now geeks don't get the respect jocks get, and there have been some denigrating depictions in popular film and tv programs, sure, but when you look past that, everybody knows it: geeks are straight.
Most geeks, anyway. Not my partner and I, who are lesbians, but well, all men who are geeks, really, are straight I think. We're throwing a "Serenity Party" at our house on Superbowl Sunday so we can celebrate our geek identities while the rest of the nation thumps their chest with their fists all day. You should join us. I'm pretty sure Peterson will be there, and we'd love to have you too.
-J
J, I would love to join you guys! Too bad it's a bit of a drive for me...
That sounds like my kind of party...
Changeling: Yes, that's right, all male geeks are straight. Especially the ones that play roleplaying games. Haven't met a gay or bisexual geek in. my. life. *ahem*
But you're on to something here. Marvin, it seems to me like the way the superbowl party turned out is not so much about not fitting in because you're not "straight" enough, it's more about just not fitting in.
It's very stressful to try to fit in and be sociable with a group of people that isn't like you. Ask any highschool misfit (and that's most people in highschool) how stressful it is. They'll tell you.
It seems like you're just interested in very different things than your mentor and his friends, and that makes it hard to really connect. But just because something doesn't interest these "straight" guys doesn't mean it's gay. Like ballet or cooking, there's nothing homosexual about that, and I hope you won't be afraid to pursue the things you're interested in regardless of how "gay" other people think they are.
Trying not to be homosexual because of your religious convictions is one thing, but giving up everything you care about for the sake of some nebulous "straight male" ideal is another, and it's heading straight for heartbreak.
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