In what Marvin considers as a controversial post, he outlines how he plans to apply the Bible to restore order in his recently shattered life. It is time for drastic action, and Marvin is the man to creatively respond to crisis in Jesus' name. 
The other day I received the following e-mail from Susanne, a woman who found out her some years ago that her husband has same-sex attractions. I felt so moved by her words that I asked her permission to share them with you on the blog. I (recently) saw your Doin Time... and I was the one who asked about your wife during the discussion period that followed. I just read your thoughts on What About the Spouse ....and I can say, most women who find out their husbands are gay feel ALL of those things you wondered about....some in more degrees than others... When my husband was dragged out of the closet because of his irreverent, immoral, and amoral behavior that our, then, 14 and 16 year old sons had to find on our home computer, I went into the closet. I didn't know what to pray for.... Do I pray that this will go away? Do I pray that he could go back to the way things were in our family before we knew about him,? Do I pray that I could go back to the way things were? After all ,...
Comments
It's not my job to tell you what to do, but I hope you won't mind if I share a couple of thoughts.
I have a bit of second-hand experience on marrying when one of the people is not a U.S. citizen: One of my brothers was married, at least in legal terms, for a couple of years (he wanted to help his friend become a citizen). And, some close friends of mine have been married (in every sense of the word) for 2 years and they're still wading through the immigration issues.
From what I've seen, marriage is not an easy or simple solution to immigration-related challenges. Couples are often put through a gauntlet of red tape, long waiting periods, and requirements that they prove themselves to be married in the traditional and ordinary sense.
I trust that your love and concern for Soon is deep and meaningful, and I trust your sincerity when you say that traditional marriage and family are what you want for yourself (and you believe God wants them for you).
Christian marriage, as I experienced it, meant standing in front of God, clergy, and family to say that my commitment was sincere and real. (For me, that didn't work out so well over the long term.) For you and Soon, it will also mean standing in front of INS officials to make that commitment, as well.
The INS will ask if you were motivated by her imminent deportation. (Even if you marry, they may deport her and insist that the two of you re-apply for a visa.) They will also ask about how you met, what your relationship is like, and ask for corroborating statements from friends and family.
And, as much as it seems like no business of theirs, if you tell them that you are ex-gay, she is ex-lesbian, and you're both looking to marriage as personal refuge after knowing each other a short time, the INS is not likely to be sympathetic.
Historically, people have lied and hidden (I'm thinking of the Underground Railroad as an example) for valid, even heroic, reasons.
Marrying Soon could present you with those kinds of difficult questions: Is that the sort of marriage that you're both making an informed choice about entering? If it becomes necessary or prudent, are you prepared to shade or hide the truth? If Soon returns to her homeland, will you go with her? Will it violate your personal values if you and she both find yourself to be mostly straight, but not a good match for each other?
I'm sure you can figure out the best path for yourself, Marvin. I won't pretend to know what I'd choose if I were in your shoes... (And, maybe you think I'm one of those loosey-goosey secular humanists who never makes up his mind; I'm not, but anyway...)
I just encourage you to think and pray things out thoroughly.
Marrying Soon: well, others have done such a thing and if it will rescue her from certain future abuse in Korea, I guess maybe you're right to go ahead. It's just such a rotten situation; if Soon were free to marry the woman of her choice in this country, you wouldn't even have to be thinking about this. And, people have started marriages on far thinner foundations than the two of you have. Still, it seems like it could be pretty fraught. I have this feeling that in your heart of hearts, you're thinking that once you're married, maybe your struggle with being gay will somehow magically evaporate. But, marriage usually isn't a panacea for anything (just like having kids isn't), it just brings new challenges of its own.
Well, good luck with it all. I know that you have a good heart and intentions and wish you all the best.
Jane in CT
On the one hand I want to discourage him from making foolish mistakes, but on the other, his heart seems so pure about doing the right thing and obeying the Bible as he understands it.
Yeah and talk about drama! Marvin exhausts me. I hope he has a quiet patch soon.
I checked out the performance schedule and, sadly, Marvin's friend, Peter, will not be performing in my home town anytime soon but I wish him well and glad he is out there doing the work he is doing :-)
Peace,