Earlier this year I presented at a liberal college in Vermont. I faced something there more terrifying and difficult than in any other presentation. Usually people come down decidedly about the queer issues I present. They are hot or cold--hot for queer rights and the end of oppression or cold set against us. But at this school with an audience of about 350 students, I hit faced a lukewarm reaction. "Whatever. I don't care."
Throughout the show I felt like I was swimming in the pool of Jello. Afterwards I felt more exhausted and defeated than I have ever felt in any action or presentation I have done.
I am reminded of that as I prepare for my presentation tomorrow night among liberal Quakers here in New England. Sure there are allies gallore and folks who say they are more than willing to undo the oppressions of sexism, racism and homophobia, but very often I run into a strange phenomenon, one that I can fall into too. It is apathy dressed up in accomplishment.
Bring up a hot button issue and the most stifling form of defensiveness takes the forms of listing off all the many things the person or group has done to fix that issue. Not that these accomplishments need be minimized, but one of the problems with being progressive, ahead of the mainstream, is that we can get into the place of treading water as we wait for the mainstream to catch up.
So here is my dilemma. I will be with a group of people who for decades have been threshing (and thrashing) issues affect LGBTIQ folks. They have a good and solid history of speaking out, writing minutes, affecting change. But homophobia still exists in the Yearly Meeting and Monthly Meetings. Suicide is still the number one cause of death of LGBTIQ youth in the US, including Massachusetts where "gay marriage" has been legalized.
So when I stand on that stage after my show, taking questions and later in the week, and Friends ask me, "So what can I do?" What shall I say?
Thoughts? Insights? Suggestions?
Throughout the show I felt like I was swimming in the pool of Jello. Afterwards I felt more exhausted and defeated than I have ever felt in any action or presentation I have done.
I am reminded of that as I prepare for my presentation tomorrow night among liberal Quakers here in New England. Sure there are allies gallore and folks who say they are more than willing to undo the oppressions of sexism, racism and homophobia, but very often I run into a strange phenomenon, one that I can fall into too. It is apathy dressed up in accomplishment.
Bring up a hot button issue and the most stifling form of defensiveness takes the forms of listing off all the many things the person or group has done to fix that issue. Not that these accomplishments need be minimized, but one of the problems with being progressive, ahead of the mainstream, is that we can get into the place of treading water as we wait for the mainstream to catch up.
So here is my dilemma. I will be with a group of people who for decades have been threshing (and thrashing) issues affect LGBTIQ folks. They have a good and solid history of speaking out, writing minutes, affecting change. But homophobia still exists in the Yearly Meeting and Monthly Meetings. Suicide is still the number one cause of death of LGBTIQ youth in the US, including Massachusetts where "gay marriage" has been legalized.
So when I stand on that stage after my show, taking questions and later in the week, and Friends ask me, "So what can I do?" What shall I say?
Thoughts? Insights? Suggestions?
Comments
I wonder if people at the liberal college don't think it applies to them.
Sometimes, those of us who pride ourselves on being liberal-minded, non-discriminatory etc., are blind to the very subtle, implicit ways in which we oppress other people. Perhaps through the assumptions we make, the language that we use or the status-quo we don't question?
I wonder if this is at its most subtle (and therefore, most dangerous) in communities who have an anti-discriminatory ethos and therefore don't see themselves as being involved in any kind of oppression, or indeed, see themselves as having made significant progress (which may be quite true.)
Still, I find it hard enough to see sometimes, never mind trying to open other peoples' eyes.
CA
grace
that sounds so defeated but that's the way it is.
Might this be an opportunity to be transparent about what you see, feel, wish for, and fear as a loving and integral part of the community?
Perhaps the Q&A could be introduced along the lines of, "I'd like to try something different compared to my traditional approach -- splitting our Q&A time between open questions first and then more focused time thinking about what this means to this specific gathering."
The second part could be framed in terms of gathering affirmations (what sorts of things are we in this Quaker meeting making progress on), concerns (where are the possible gaps between where we intend to be and where we are), and action steps (what might we like to think about or do differently).
Giving a heads-up about your plans to a few folks who have a personal interest or investment in glbtiq issues might help, too.
Good luck!
:P
I resonate with some of the comments and ideas presented here:
1. Feeling powerless can immobilize us in an instant.
2. Turning the tables during the Q & A, especially if the group feels "lukewarm" to you, can offer a great opportunity for the audience members to talk to one another. Any single one of us may have an answer to the question, "So, folks, talk to each other about your complacency Why don't you feel like you have anything to contribute...? What does anyone want to say about that?"
3. From Bob P's comment: express your grief over the group's apathy, but don't use the sadness you share to be a tool of manipulation.
I sometimes wonder if the belief or perception that we are powerless is a result of our thinking in gigantic terms ("End all war" or "Heal racism"), so we stop our emotions and get apathetic. We stop our outreach and get complacent.
What if we were asked to consider small, significant actions we might take? Steven Covey writes about the "circle of concern" and the "circle of influence"--who is in my personal circle that I might impact if I spoke out just once? if I shared a pamphlet just once? if I provided childcare just once?
Sometimes for me, when I have narrowed my "audience," my circle of influence, I have been able to feel more hopeful, as though I could make a difference... and then I begin to engage in action again.
Break a leg!
Blessings,
Liz, The Good Raised Up
Thanks all and I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks all. Now I am shattered and am going to bed.
But I didn't! I didn't even say Hi to you at NEYM because I was feeling extra shy but I did wave and smile. I so appreciate and value your presence and service at our Yearly Meeting. As an often passive member (I'm a big "observer") I learned this year that I have a lot to learn about engaging within the community. Thanks for helping to lead the way.
Or, that's my guess.
Of course, my little brother goes to a "liberal" college in Texas, and I can tell you that he and his friends flat out don't give a shit about anything but their own future income potential.