Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Happy 2007 everyone. I know that it is not yet New Years in Connecticut where it is technically home for me, but here in Scotland, we have had a wonderful Hogmanay , as they call it. Because of high winds (up to 70 mph) and rain, they canceled Hogmanay celebrations in Edinburgh and Glasgow. In fact, they canceled celebrations in most towns and cities. I happened to have plans in Comrie , one of the ONLY cities to carry on. They have a special ceremony that goes back over 300 years. No one is sure of how it even started, but they call it a Flambeaux. In order to drive out the evil spirits in the town, they light giant torches, parade through the four corners of the town with a bag pipe bag and the torches. Then they toss the torches into the river. We nearly didn't make it though because the wind blew down a huge tree on the little country road to the village. Fortunately two local men saved the day with their chainsaw and forklift. Very impressive. Comrie was GREAT with loads of ...

Someone recently told me that I am too self-absorbed. Me?! Really? Crazy. Sure I blog about myself and I do videos about myself and I write plays about myself and in my daily journal I write pages about myself, but I am very aware of my surroundings, thank you very much! Anyway, here is the Loch Ness video I promised. Loch Ness in DEC = cold & boring.

Do you have a son or daughter who is a homosexual? Are you afraid that your child will live a life filled with pain, loneliness, illness and end up far from God for eternity? Perhaps your daughter is lesbian. Are you afraid she will never become a mother? That she will never have a stable home, a normal life? Perhaps your son is gay. Are you afraid he will become addicted to drugs, that he will have dangerous encounters with strangers, that he will contract a fatal disease? Perhaps your child told you that he or she is transgender and that they want a sex change operation. Are you afraid they are making a terrible mistake that they will grow to regret? Are you afraid that he or she will be ridiculed, persecuted and even physically harmed? Society teaches us that a homosexuality is a lifestyle filled with pain and sadness and sickness. The worst kind of life. I know that for many parents, the idea of a homosexual son or daughter terrifies them. We love our children and want the best for...

I traveled North from Crieff this week to Inverness, Loch Ness, Fort William and Aviemore . I will share a short video from the shores of Loch Ness later in the week. I think the highlight was meeting Gay Outdoor Club member, Alan, who is an avid hill walker. He and other queer walkers and climbers have been topping Scottish hills and mountains for over 30 years. Oh and in Inverness I visited Scotland's largest used bookstore (I purchased a book of poetry by Robert Burns , a replacement copy of CS Lewis' The Great Divorce and for my host the complete short stories of Saki/HH Munro . ) In Glen Nevis (in the cloudy shadow of Britain's largest mountain, Ben Nevis), I did a short walk with my new walking trousers. I felt more elf-like than ever bounding over rocks and streams. Must me some miracle fabric or something. (click on photos for a larger view)

With the holiday season, I have thought a lot about my mom, Anita Toscano , who died in September. I thought of my mom's words when I recently read pre-Christmas post by Elliot, where he talks about the challenges of dealing with our families during the season especially when they struggle to embrace us for who we are. I can just see my mom sitting down with Elliot, sharing some wisdom. I wrote the following to Elliot in the form of a comment and thought I'd repost it here. My mom often reminded me that understanding, accepting and celebrating a queer child is a hard transition for most parents. Their minds need to be renewed. They only have years of negative images about queer folks of any sort. They have memories of terrible things happening to the town dyke or fag or queer. They often have no first hand experience of happy queer folks. They need to learn some new tricks, and for old dogs, that can be tricky. Not impossible, but it takes time and patience. You have had mont...

With the members of a local church hillwalking group, I did a 10 mile hike in the hills to the north of Aberfeldy, Perthshire here in Scotland. We came upon a quarry where they mined for Barytes . It made funky green water. I am off to Inverness tomorrow until Thursday night, so I will be off-line as I travel north (and stay in a wee cottage on the shores of Loch Ness).

The weather in central Scotland these past fews days has been perfect for hill walks. I love the quality of the light during these short winter days. The sun sets by 3:30 PM and comes low across the sky. I am a sucker for a good sunset, and as we walked last night into the hills well over an hour after sunset, the sky and the moon radiated amazing light changing the look of the hills every minute. Although we didn't get snow for Christmas, a thick frost covered the ground and trees this morning making it almost a white Christmas. Of course Christmas in the UK looks and sounds and tastes different than it does in the US. Folks get dressed up in "fancy dress" as seen in the photo of Captain Hook's gay brother stocking the Marmite at Tescos. The British sing some carols I never heard before and even when they sing songs where I know the words, they sing them with different tunes altogether. Food is different too, hot sweet punch, mince pies, Christmas pudding. I did mak...

A local conservative church here in Crieff, Scotland asked members to create floral arrangements to symbolize the birth of Jesus. These could be traditional, literal representations of the stable with Jesus in the manger, or something more abstract. A friend of mine, who is a member of the church, invited me to design and construct one with him. Some days later I envisioned a stable made of rusted, broken, ugly, inorganic materials with a single sprout of new life wedged into the rubble. (The emergence of something New in the midst of the old world-order of brokenness and decay). On a walk, we found an old dump pile loaded with broken glass, rusted metal and chicken wire. In another place we found a piece of barbed wire on a fence. My friend suggested a single lily nestled in highland moss instead of the sprout I initially suggested. Below you can see the result (click on the photos for a larger view). Right now this same church faces a crisis and a test. One of their members just came...

I wrote earlier in the year about my European love affair . My love and I have been going the distance, but lately we have had some strain in the relationship. My love has not been putting out like at first. Our love feels deflated and needs to be refilled. To share my longings, I have produced this music video.

Heath posted a powerful blog entry about his own personal tortured and special history with the "World of God". I ran to the Bible whenever the fight became too hard. I ran to it like an abusive lover; it's words and its ideas hurt, but I enjoyed the pain. The pain meant that it was working. The pain was part of the process. I wrapped myself in the pain, believing with all of my heart that it was the antidote to the horrible, sinful feelings I had. I waited patiently for my transformation, but it never came. My Enemy, My Friend

Today I took a long walk up Ben Chonzie , a Munro , a Scottish Mountain over 3000 feet (914 meters). It was sunny and clear when we started at the bottom, littered with sheep, but at the top, the mountain hares in their winter white fur ran around, the sky turned gray and snow covered the ground. I snapped some video I posted below. Enjoy!

I spent two excellent days in Glasgow hanging out with new friends. The city is totally decked out for the holidays. Although I like Edinburgh, I like Glasgow more. With its gritty hometown feeling and friendly people, Glasgow reminds me of Memphis, TN. Edinburgh with its pristine buildings, always dressed up for tourists, reminds me of Nashville, TN. I guess if I had to choose between the two, I would choose to live in Glasgow. Earlier in the day, I had tea at the famed Willow Tea Room designed by the Scottish artist, architect and designer, Charles Rennie Mackintosh . After tea I met Elaine Davidson , the most pierced woman in the world. And although I took two photos of her, somehow her wild aura refused to allow the camera too work properly (either that or I need a new data card). I am now back in chilly Crieff where I will work most of the day. But, I may also go for a walk later today since it is so gorgeous out today.

Quakerism and especially Quaker meeting for worship are a lot like video games, particularly, Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPG) like World of Warcraft . Warcraft and Quakers???? Although I am a novice at World of Warcraft, I see many similarities between the Quaker world and the quest to drive out evil from the mythical land of Azeroth (mythical to most but more real than this world for many). In MMORPG games like World of Warcraft, players log onto the internet and then enter an alternate reality. At first they begin to move around in that world, discovering it and exploring it for themselves. Once they know their way around, they pick up tools, gifts, abilities, roles and most importantly of all, they make friends. These are not imaginary friends, but real-life people, perhaps thousands of miles away (or right next door), who also have entered the game. These friends join up to form groups and then their groups grow. Finally together with their shared resources...

Two seemingly unrelated stories emerged on the blogs today. First and most startling, Joe G announced his retirement as a podcaster and a blogger! Stating the rising costs of production (financial and time constraints), the decrease in audience, the commercialization of podcasting, his transition into the profession of psychology (or astro-psycho-physics, or whatever his field), and the phenomenon of pod-fade, he concluded that the time has come to hang up his headphones and iriver . (He does hint that he will not completely fade away himself but will reemerge in another cyber life form) In LA last June Joe G evangelized podcasting to me trying to get me to board the podcast bandwagon. I told him it took too much time and money. Besides I'd rather ride on the backs of other podcasters having them to do all the hard work while I provide material and talent. (So the question remains, where do I go from here????) Please visit Joe's latest (final????) post , and leave an endearin...

Not content with a Spanish blog , I have now launched a Swedish blog . In fact, I hope to revolutionize the Swedish language. The blog is entitled Svensk Spädbarn . The word spädbarn is under utilized in the Swedish language. It means baby, as in infant, but that is it. You can't say, You look hot, baby or Baby you can drive my car or Baby you melt my butter . ( Du utseende het , spädbarn eller Spädbarn du kanna driva min bil eller Spädbarn du smälta min smör -- see what I mean). I imagine I will write about ex-gay stuff there, but it will also be for fun. (kinda like my English language blog)

Back in June I blogged about how Focus on the Family misused scientific studies to support their own claims. Well, they are back at it. This just in from Wayne Besen: Truth Wins Out urged Time Magazine today to renounce a guest column written by James C. Dobson in this week's magazine after a second professor, Kyle Pruett, M.D. of the Yale School of Medicine, expressed concerns that the Focus on the Family leader "cherry picked" his work. In a letter to Time and Dobson, Dr. Pruett asked that Focus on the Family, "not quote from my research in your media campaigns, personal or corporate, without previously securing my permission." The first professor to state that her work was used inaccurately by Dobson was New York University Professor Carol Gilligan, PhD. Yesterday she responded to Dobson's Time Magazine piece, I was mortified to learn that you had distorted my work this week in a guest column you wrote in Time Magazine. Not only did you take my research...

After a long absence, South African blogger and podcaster, Dampies, has posted four entries on his blog which he now calls New Creations Blues (formally me and my black hole of anger ) He shares about where he is at these days. I think however that if we are all to be honest, we can only ever reflect the part of our journey we are on. There has been a time when I resolutely called myself "no longer under the curse of death" (read: homosexual). After that I said I was no longer gay (read: that I had revoked my choice to live a gay lifestyle). After that I started admitting that I still had same-sex attractions, but that didn't mean that I was gay because the attractions were unwanted (and still are). Now I have moved one step further. I am in a place where I would rather stay in some sort of denial position and not say anything at all, because the issues are SO complex and it is simply not possible to reduce any person's journey to a formula that will work for everybo...

I HATE, detest and LOATHE all sorts of forwarded cutesy e-mails that include jokes, sappy stories and cartoon animals with large dewy eyes. In addition I HATE, detest and LOATHE all of those get to know you questionnaires one is coerced into filling out and then must share share with others. Often extortion fuels the process-- Do this immediately and extremely good luck will befall you. If not, you or you pet will die a horrible death by the end of the month. But since Willie Hewes is such a dear and it is the Xmas season, (and I am loaded up with holiday music more than the Christmas turkey is pumped full of hormones) I feel generous. Below are my answers to 5 weird things . 1. My tic is that I crack my knuckles in my sleep (or so I have been told) 2. My favorite spot on a man's body (or a woman's, for that matter) is the little crease between the upper leg and the torso. I am sure it has a name. 3. I have a extreme phobia of tires (or for Brits tyres or for Swedes däcken--...

I just read a post at Eugene's Paradoxy in which, inspired by the film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon , he writes about the beauty in pre-Christian China. He reveals the conflict that acknowledging this beauty can have on some types of Christians who insist that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and NOTHING beautiful, good or spiritual can really happen apart from their God in the mix. In Forsaken , Eugene writes, For the diehard fundamentalist there's nothing to question; if the Bible seems to suggest that all of those people deserve to go to hell, then that's simply all there is to it He goes on to share his thoughts on the matter while still maintaining his belief in Jesus and the Gospel. There is tremendous beauty to be found in Far Eastern cultures. The fundamentalist has no choice but to dismiss that beauty as meaningless, but I'm convinced that the God who authored beauty is honored whenever human beings strive to emulate their Creator's creativity....

Recently I bought a snazzy looking travel-size Bible (see photo)and have begun to read through it. I've done it several times before, but it's been awhile. In reading the first few chapters of Genesis I remembered a conversation I had earlier in the fall with the wife of a conservative Christian pastor here in Scotland. She could not get passed the idea that heterosexuality was God's original design. Therefore, homosexuality was OUTSIDE of God's original design. At the time I didn't see just how powerful those Genesis texts can be for some people. Reading them the other day it struck me that the writer(s) of Genesis clearly wished to communicate that: 1. God created everything. 2. God affirms heterosexuality. 3. Man comes before woman 4. Woman was designed for man's companionship and aid (marital and otherwise) 5. Man gets to rule over all of creation Who gets to tell the story determines what gets told and how. Genesis 1 and 2 are dangerous texts, particularly ...

When I attended Love in Action in Memphis, TN, they forced us to worship at Central Church . At that time Central was housed in a big round structure, a vision of the then Pastor Jimmy Latimer (he has since been pushed out of his position by other church leaders and started another church--long story and a little sordid). Now before all that Love in Action moved onto Germantown Baptist Church where John Smid became licensed as a minister Rumor has it that Jimmy Latimer would not license John at Central (at least according to one reliable source). Germantown has had its own problems with nearly a church split over the now former senior minister's ideas of power sharing. (Church business in Memphis is more complicated than a soap opera). Back to the round church, ...upon arriving at Central Church for LIA's Family and Friends Weekend , my dad turned to my mom, "Anita, it sure looks like a spaceship. Look out babe, but I think we've just been abducted!" (Which was...

Justin Lee believes that the Virgin birth was real, that there is a heaven and a hell, that salvation comes through Christ alone and that he, the 29-year-old son of Southern Baptists, is an evangelical Christian. Justin Lee set up a Web site about being a gay evangelical Christian. Just as he is certain about the tenets of his faith, Mr. Lee also knows he is gay, that he did not choose it and cannot change it. You can read more of Gay and Evangelical at postmodern politics & sexuality .

One of the things I like about being a Quaker is that virtually anywhere I go in the world, I get to meet up with other Quakers, or Friends, as we like to be known. I still remember how earlier this fall in Sweden I got to meet up with Janet, a Quaker from Lund (who Lirou pointed out immediately in the crowd and said, "She looks Quaker." And really Janet did have a peaceful calm about her.) After an overnight flight that got into Edinburgh at 7:00 in the morning a week ago Sunday, I stumbled into the Quaker meeting in the city center. No one even had to speak to me. It felt just like home. What a great way to start a trip, to sit in silent worship with Friends. It centered me and spoke deeply to me. After worship, Alastair, one of the members, bounded over to greet me. "I know you from Joe's podcast !" (It is a small Quaker world) This past Sunday I attended a much smaller meeting in Dunblane. A lesbian couple had come down from the far North for their civil ...

Okay, I heard the wooly argument about how the estrogen in soy (and soy products) stimulates female hormones in men thus turning them gay. I really thought it was just material for the Fake Gay News . The only real risk I see in eating lots of soy is the possibility of developing man boobs . Which can be cute (and at times a little scary). Jim Rutz over at the WorldNet Daily expounds on the danger of soy in his recent column, A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual....

Last spring I received an e-mail from John, a non-gay survivor of the ex-gay movement. He suggested that looking into Intersexuality might be helpful in the discussion around the nature of sexuality and the faith struggle. He writes, I'm not sure if you know anything about intersexuals, as very few Americans are intersexuals, and even the GLBT movement is often unaware of this unique chromosonal makeup. I think for many people, particularly fundamentalist gays struggling to come out of the movement, this information might really help, since whatever the right may think about gays, there is no way they can claim intersexuals aren't born that way - though unfortunately, there is now talk on the religious right about the 'radical hermaphrodite agenda' (yes, I kid you not.). This info might de-progam some heteros on the right, too, since they will see that issues of gender aren't black and white (It helped convert Brian Mclaren , the liberal evangelical theologian, to ...

Daniel Gonzales skillfully creates funny , silly , searing videos and infographics exposing the ex-gay machine's duplicity. (You cannot imagine how much work we get done through instant messaging) But this young man has a very serious story that he has filmed (with the help of Esteban) and posted on YouTube. His is a powerful story that reveals the many dangers one can encounter while pursuing an ex-gay route, including the danger of losing one's faith. Raised in a Baptist home and now no longer a Christian, Daniel was a patient of NARTH founder, Joseph Nicolosi.

I know some of you do not celebrate Christmas, but when gifts are involved, we can all get into Xmas. Looking at recent comments, I drew up a little Xmas victim list. I then expended personal energy to visit the Christmas Craft Fayre here in Crieff, Scotland. I hauled my camera along to capture specially "cyber gifts" for you. (which means I am too cheap to buy actual gifts, but instead will film the items I would have bought for you had I been less of a cheap bastard.) You may think some words are not correct in their spelling, but if you are from the US, just assume I am using British spelling. If you are British (or a colonized subject of the Queen), just assume I am using American spelling. If you are Swedish, Du er en het spädbarn. (Anna HP, I found about 40 gifts that you would like--you are easy to buy for. While Grace/Pam, I had no clue. Christine, you already got your gift :-) iMovie is all new to me (I don't yet have the geeky cool skills of Daniel Gonzales)....

I spent the day in Crieff. In the morning I walked to James Square where they held a Christmas Fayre. (Look out for video on this tomorrow). In the afternoon I went walking with some 7th Day Adventist Church folk and their very active dogs. I am off to Pitlochry tonight for dinner and a Christmas concert. In another words, a perfect day.

After Joe G's diagnosis of me on his current podcast ( #64 Syblil vs. Dr. Elizabeth Lofus ), I feel glad to have had a sunny day, or at least one of my personalities feels glad. When I think about Sybil, I finally understand Peterson. (Joe, I sound so much taller on your podcast than in real life. Is that through the magic of editing?) I'm staying in the little town of Crieff, birthplace of Ewan McGregor , (who apparently visits often. My attitude is if he doesn't bother me, I won't bother him.) Walked in the park, sat in the sun as it went down (sunset was about 3:30 PM).