Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Monday at Greenbelt, Trevor, James, James, Bill and I ate at Nuts Cafe and chatted with a nice Christian couple who joined us at our table. Not sure how the conversation got on the topic, but somehow we began to talk about Adult Bookstores , well, not so much about their contents of porn and sex toys, but about the irony of calling these places "bookstores" for "adults". It all seems rather adolescent. Similarly misnamed are items sold under the heading Marital Aids. Although there must be testimonies of married couples who have been aided by the use of whips, chains, porn videos and sex toys, I have a feeling that many (most?) consumers of marital aids are not looking to deepen their relationship with their spouse. (Of course I may be wrong about all this, and I am sure some of you will sort me out :-) Over the weekend I witnessed Matt Redman perform Greenbelt's Main Stage. Technically Redman doesn't perform; he leads worship. His sweet and upbeat song...

Too lazy to blog with actual words, so here are some photos from Wales (the ones with the water wheel), from Greenbelt (with James Alison under the red and white tent) and in the Cotswolds. The indoor Roman images are from the Corinium Museum in Cirencester, the external church photo with the church in the distance is from the parish church in Cirencester (its a big one) and the other church shots are from the Fairford Church (a rare one because it has original stain glass and an image of Mary that the Puritans didn't destroy.) The stone cat marks the grave of Tittles the Cat, Fairford Church cat that lived for nearly 17 years! If you REALLY want to know what any of the pictures are all about, just ask. Otherwise, just make it up for yourself. :-) Click on photo for larger image. Thanks to Trevor, James and James for being such lovely hostesses.

I was too wiped out to post anything last night. Actually happy wiped out. Good day that ended with friends at the Organic Beer Tent. I did miss the Hymn and Beers though. On the third day I didn't get to see as much, but I did hear two talks. Another by James Allison and one my Mark Yaconelli , which was particularly moving and helpful for me. It was about failure and loss and what you do when you feel at the end of yourself, broken. It actually reminded me of an important spiritual lesson I learned at one of the most desperate moments in my life when everything unraveled. It reminded me that sometimes the best comfort is no comfort at all, rather to allow myself to feel the pain, to sit in the loss and grieve it properly. My interview with Premiere Radio went well and was a lot of fun because author GP Taylor was also interviewed and their was a Catholic clergy member in the London studio. I hope I didn't sound too snippy, but after I related some of my ex-gay experience, th...

Ah, lovely day at Greenbelt. Although I remained uncharacteristically anxious about my show all day into the evening. (More about that in a moment). I first listened to James Alison give a talk about the New Testament Clobber passages (most often used to clobber lesbian, gays and bisexuals). Last Year James covered the Old Testament passages, and after hearing him speak, I declared on this blog that I want to have his Biblical love child. I still do. In his talk he discussed Romans 1 and expertly unraveled it. I left during the Q&A, but Trevor told me about a man who stood up and said something like, "All my life I have been condemned by that passage in my churches, but now you tell me it doesn't condemn me." And Trevor said you could see the light and freedom breaking over the man's face. You can read James Alison's thoughts on Romans 1 here . Next I just chilled a bit knowing I had to pace myself, especially in the hot sun. I did go to the Liquid Lunch wher...

Not that I will post something everyday. Just am thrilled about today as I go to bed. James from Bridgend, Wales drove me to the home of James in Cheltenham where I also got to see Trevor from further South. We are all hear for Greenbelt , a fabulous, funky, one-of-a-kind Christian arts festival loaded with bands, amazing speakers, performances, dance, an organic beer tent, a tiny tea tent and some very lovely people. I will present my plays, "The Re-Education of George W. Bush" and "Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House." And to my shock and surprise, I was listed on page three of the Greenbelt program as one of the Seven Do Not Miss events ! This is out of thousands of events. Then the Church Times also listed me in their Greenbelt edition. Guess I don't have to hang up posters this year. Really, it makes me a little anxious. I went to a Do Not Miss event last year and it stunk! I feel the pressure that so many people will expect so much. So think of...

I have some photos for you! Since I arrived on Friday, I have stayed at the home of John and Valerie Henson. John, who will also present at Greenbelt this weekend, is the author of several books including, The Gay Disciple and Good as New--A Radical Retelling of the Scriptures . Our talks nourish, challenge and delight me. Both Valerie and John are smart, spiritual and sensible people (and Valerie is a great cook too and so kind to make me vegan meals). Pictured below you will see... John and Valerie's lovely cat, who allowed me to scratch her back. Like most cats, she has not forgotten that her kind were once worshiped in Egypt. (Christine, I took this photo just for you) their garden patch (forest?) of rhubarb. Valerie made a gorgeous rhubarb crumble (with non-dairy custard!) me with a packet of nut loaf from Asda (the UK Walmart). WHY don't we have this yummylicious item in US supermarkets??? a couple playing bowls at the park near the house the turn-off to the beach wher...

This story appeared on Australian's ABC radio program The World Today. Like most mainstream news they have some of the details wrong. The ex-gay movement is not just about trying to turn people straight. It is about reinforcing an anti-gay message that we find in the church and in much of society. In a large part it teaches that only the heterosexuals can be holy since, as they announce over and over again the very opposite of homosexuality is holiness. Those of us who have been in it know well enough how the message works. According to the report, ex-gay ministries may be coming into Australia like a foreign invasive species. The United States' controversial "ex-gay" movement has its eye on Australia. Ex-gays are homosexuals who say they've been "cured" or turned straight. They've been in conversion courses across the United States which work to reorient sexuality, mostly from a Christian perspective. The ex-gays now want to get their message into s...

While I was in Lund, Sweden this spring, I sat down for fika (a little afternoon sweet snack with coffee or tea) with journalist Tor Billgren. Tor interviewed me for Swedish radio. In the interview I speak about my marriage, my time at Love in Action, ex-gay "success" and the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. I also do a short excerpt of Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House where Chad and Vlad talk about the program rules. I asked Tor about the broadcast details of the interview. It was aired by Sverige Radio (The National Broadcasting Association) on channel P1 on June the 29th. The program is called "Människor och tro" (Humans and belief) and is a journalistic magazine which deals with religion, beliefs and clashes within the world of faith. Before the interview the host gave a short summary of the ex gay-movement, and introduced your project and that your conference took place in the same city as the Exodus-conference. And then you explain how you chose th...

Last week BeyondExGay and Soulforce announced that three former ex-gay leaders from Australia publicly apologized for their roles in providing and promoting ex-gay conversion therapy. Anthony Venn-Brown, (who appears right about now on 60 Minutes in Australia), a Christian leader in Australia, shares on his blog about two other leaders who also reveal how their perspectives shifted from when they were ex-gay leaders. John Meteyard, a former Exodus Asia Pacific & Living Waters leader and former member of the International Advisory Board of Exodus, states, Whereas once I was ardent in my opinion that homosexual orientation was unquestioningly a result of the 'fall' and God's intention was therefore always to heal the same-sex attracted believer and help them to be 'whole', my position is now somewhat different. What I now believe is that being a Christian with a homosexual orientation often causes a great deal of strain and angst for those of us so affected. ...

In what has become a national trend, another person who spent years in subjection to ex-gay conversion therapy, has come forward to tell his story. Jonmarc Ross of Portland, Oregon shared his narrative in response to the recent Love Won Out anti-gay event that took place in his city. He then sat down with Julie Sabatier of Just Out Newspaper . Jonmarc Ross knows firsthand how harmful the “ex-gay” ministries can be. His experience with the movement almost cost him his life. Ross, 39, lives in Portland, where he works as a painter for Resurrection Properties. He relocated to P-town 12 years ago from Orange County, Calif., while he was still in the throes of fruitless efforts to “cure” his homosexuality. He gave Just Out a window into that experience. Sabatier goes on to ask Jonmarc various questions about his experience. JS: What kinds of methods did you undergo to try to “cure” yourself? JR: While I was in therapy, I was to keep a journal of any time I was attracted to another man. L...

After 24 hours of travel, I arrived safe and sound in Southern Wales. Here is how the trip went. Yesterday at noon I met Sarah, my booking agent, at noon for lunch (Vietnamese) then she dropped me off at the bus station in Hartford, Connecticut (aka where I live) I took the 2:00 PM Peter Pan bus to NYC. It was supposed to get in at 4:30 but with the traffic got in at 6 pm. Took the E subway to the Air Train in Queens, NY Took Air Train to JFK airport Hung out for 4.5 hours eating vegan junk food, writing e-mails and chatting on the phone. At 11:30 PM flew to London. Sat next to Gerry, a very cool New Yorker who works as a consultant to museums around the world. Arrived at Heathrow at 11:30 AM (today) Went through immigrations (actual conversation with immigration official--"You were just here in May. Why are you back again? Why were you here then? Why did stay for a week, leave then come back for another week." I told him that I am an artist. That sufficed. Took 1:15 bus to ...

Former ex-gay leaders in Australia have added their voices to a public apology for "the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith" caused by the message that gays and lesbians must change or suppress their sexual orientation in order to be good Christians. On June 27, 2007, Soulforce and BeyondExGay (bXg) brought together former ex-gay leaders from the U.S. and U.K. to issue a public apology for their prior involvement in providing and promoting ex-gay conversion therapy. As part of their apology, Darlene Bogle, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks appealed to other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to the apology. Inspired by this historic statement, Vonnie Pitts, Wendy Lawson, and Kim Brett--all former leaders of Australian ex-gay ministries--have come forward to confirm with their American and British counterparts that ex-gay ministries cause more harm than good. Pictures and complete text of the Australian leaders...

Since sharing her story in Glamour earlier this year, Christine Bakke has stepped up to tell about her ex-gay experiences in multiple venues. Today on Colorado Public Radio she will be featured in a segment about the ex-gay movement. 10:00 am and 7:00 pm Mountain time on 1340 AM in Denver & 1490 AM in Boulder. You can listen online in real-time at www.kcfr.org, or access the archived story there soon after broadcast. Once the interview is archived, go to www.kcfr.org and click on “Colorado Matters” on the right hand side-bar schedule. Then type in Christine Bakke or ex-gay in the search bar at the top of the page. Also, over in France, Glamour has published Christine's story in their French addition. I hope to pick up a copy when I am in London if possible.

Well, many of you know that I recently announced that in February 2008 I will retire my play, Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House--How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement! I am still working out the gala finish to the play (and yes I am working on a DVD version of it although I want everyone to see it live). I have experienced other changes too. My time at New England Yearly Meeting (an annual gathering of Quakers from New England) moved me deeply, particularly in my commitment to living a simply. I may even cancel one of my three cell phones! The Testimony of Simplicity ( via wikipedia ) The Testimony of Simplicity is the Quaker belief that a person ought to live his or her life simply in order to focus on what is most important and ignore or play down what is least important. It is the practice among Quakers (members of the Religious Society of Friends) of being more concerned with one’s inner condition than one’s outward appearance and with other people more than oneself....

I fly out to London on Thursday and then head directly to Cardiff with George W. Bush (well my Bush theater piece at least). I will spend a week in Southern Wales and hopefully will explore some. I love the Welsh coast and haven't been for some time. You can get details for Saturday's show in Cardiff here . After Wales I am off to the Greenbelt Festival. Few places feel like home like Greenbelt did last year--with the Tiny Tea Tent, the amazing presenters, the off-beat theater and progressively cool Christians (and others). They even have an organic beer tent! Come on how cool is that! For all you Greenbelters, I have a tentative schedule of what and when and where I will present. Engagement 1 Event: The rE-Education of George W. Bush Date: Saturday 25th August 2007 Venue: Mandarin Start time: 19.30 End time: 20.45 Engagement 2 Event: Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House Date: Sunday 26th August 2007 Venue: Mandarin Start time: 17.00 End time: 18.30 Engagement 3 Event:...

Christine Bakke and Darlene Bogle spoke in front of the Southern Baptist Convention Headquarters last week . On Saturday the Tennessean, Nashville's daily paper, published an article ( Baptist Reach out to Gays, to Make them Ex-Gay ) about Darlene's story, some of Christine's, and last week's visit. They also include a few quotes from Bob Stith, the Southern Baptist Convention's first national strategist for gender issues. In the charged debate over God and gays, there are few topics more controversial than so-called reparative therapy — the idea that sexual orientation can, or should, change. The American Psychological Association is in the midst of a yearlong review of the issue, hoping to determine whether such church-based therapy is effective, and whether it may do more harm than good. 'Success' didn't last For three decades, ex-gay ministries like Exodus International have shared success stories of people who have used prayer and willpower to chan...

Some of you know that a German TV crew trailed me for about a month filming me in my home, in NYC, at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference and at shows in Connecticut and California. Michael Heussen, the TV correspondent from ARD TV saw the film, But I'm a Cheerleader , a few years back and had been fascinated by the ex-gay story ever since. Although I learned no German during my experience, I enjoyed getting to know Michael and the various cameramen and sound guys. Sunday night on German prime time national TV, ARD aired its piece about the ex-gay movement. In it they show bits of interviews with Alan Chambers, Michael Bussee, some folks at the Exodus conference and me (see me in my backyard among the flowers and in Times Square). You can see the 7 min + clip on-line (link on the bottom left of the page). If you do, you may be able to figure out what Geh wie ein Cowboy has to do with me.

This week at New England Yearly Meeting I met a wonderful new Friend, Jeanne Stern, who although a New England Quaker, currently lives in Austin, TX. A filmmaker and artist, Jeanne has a bright bright spirit. On her excellent and colorful site , she provides samples of her films, art and more. From her bio: J eanne Stern creates miniature microcosms with dioramas and film puppetry. Her puppet film "Les Malaventures de Zut-Alors," about Siamese brother and sister Zut and Alors, screened at SXSW and is currently touring with Heather Henson's Handmade Puppet Dreams Film Festival. I watched the Zut-Alors film today and marveled at the beauty, humor, intelligence and warmth in it. I especially appreciate the audio with its funky little sound effects and music. Watching the film, I thought of my dear Friend, Alex Resare , and his own journey. I think he will enjoy Les malaventures de Zut-Alors.

Christine Bakke and Darlene Bogle went to Nashville, TN yesterday and stood in front of the headquarters of the Southern Baptist Convention. They each share personal, moving stories of their own experiences as ex-gay. They also called on the Baptists to consider people before politics and to heed the warning that many of us who pursued ex-gay conversion therapy caused us more harm than good. You can see video here: Read the Tennessean article here .

Friends (and friends) have impressed me lately with their faithfulness and commitment. Ex-Gay Survivors Christine Bakke (along with Darlene Bogle ) headed to Nashville this week and stood in front of the Southern Baptist headquarters to share some of their experiences as ex-gay survivors. The Baptists recently appointed "a Texas pastor to become its "national strategist for gender issues" -- a position designed to promote "ex-gay" ministries to SBC congregations." In other words they will be welcoming, but not affirming. Soulforce sponsored Christine and Darlene as part of the Survivor Initiative. These two spoke up as witnesses to the harm that can come as a result of seeking to suppress and change one's sexuality. In Portland, Oregon this weekend, PFlAG, The Community of Welcoming Congregations, GLADD and some Quakers offered a positive response to the Focus on the Family Love Won Out Conference that rolled into town on Saturday. The Salem Press...

This is the third in a three part series. Part One: What Was I After and Why? Part Two: What Happens When Change is not Possible? Part Three: Living on the Outside After I exited LIA, I lived for a short time as an ex-gay apart from being in the program. I kept accountable, denying myself daily, being careful where I went and what I thought. I took up the struggle as my daily cross to bear, believing that God would give me the strength to bear it each day, one day at a time. It was pretty much everything I did for the past 17 years, but this time with more therapy and tools at my disposal. During his talk at the recent Love Won Out Conference in Phoenix (hat tip to Jim Burroway ) Alan Chambers spoke about denial. I think you can expect a life of obedience. Matthew 16:24 talks about those who take up their cross and follow the Lord. They have to live a life of denial. And in the early days of when I started speaking and debating and doing all sorts of things related to the issue of h...

Jim Burroway over at BTB mentioned an attack on a lesbian in Tennessee. A Jackson, Tennessee-area woman was left partially blind and possibly brain damaged from an attack at a club. The fight broke out when a patron thought she looked like a man and assumed she was gay when she started dancing with a male friend. When he told her to leave using a gay slur, she replied that she was a woman, but yes, she’s a lesbian. Her assailant then punched Amanda in the face and jabbed her in the left eye about four times with the bottom of a beer bottle before smashing the bottle over the back of her head. So her attacker first went after her because he thought she was a gay man, and then when she identified as lesbian, he still went after her. I wonder what part of the attack had to do with her not being gender-normative. She looked like a man to the assailant. Since she didn't fit the mold, it seems like he punished her. I hope she has a speedy recovery and that this attack doesn't aff...

NEYM=New England Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quaker) in Smithfield, RI. This will be my 6th NEYM and the 5th time as a resource person (RP) for the Young Friends (high school) group. As an RP, I serve as a FAP (friendly adult presence) helping oversee activities, being present for worship and meeting for worship with attention to business. I also co-lead an Affinity Group (this time with the amazing Anna B!) that meets nightly for check-ins, discussions, games and snacks.. Early on I learned two key lessons when working with Quaker teens. 1. I am judged by the quality of the snacks I provide. 2. Respect that of God within them and let them lead as the RPs facilitate. I also learned early on that these teens don't want or even need advice from me. They get that all the time. They want to be heard, and they want to hear each other without a lot of talk by well-meaning adults. Therefore, my role is to help maintain a safe space where that sort of sharing takes...

Yet again another week with lots of news and stuff about ex-gays and survivors. For me the biggest (at least to me personally) is my announcement that I will retire my one-person comedy, Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House . Frontiers, an LA based LGBT-themed magazine did a piece about the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement. Writer James F. Mills reports and comments about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference and the Survivor Initiative outside of NARTH. (hat tip to Daniel Gonzales ) KDW out of Portland, Oregon, reports about Focus on the Family's Love Won Out Conference that will be there this weekend. EDGE Boston published the last of its four part series on the Ex-Gay Movement. Although they need to do some more editing on the piece (they changed Darlene Bogle's surname to Boyle at some point), David Foucher wraps up his series with positive stories and quotes. He highlights lots of Darlene's story with her partner Dee. I am glad he also included an account I shared with ...

As promised, I have an important announcement to share with you. It's something that I had determined months ago, but sat with it, talked to my support committee and some of you about and held in the Light since that time. I feel confident and even excited to announce that in February 2008 I will officially retire my play, Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway Houuse--How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement . I premiered the play in Memphis, TN in February 2003 (on my birthday) and have since taken it far and wide . (A Google Vanity Search yields nearly 12,000 hits for the term " Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House ") Back in 2003 there was very little out there countering the claims of ex-gay therapies and ministries. Mike Airhart had just started Ex-Gay Watch , and although gay activists, like Wayne Besen , spoke out against the Ex-Gay Movement, there were no ex-gay survivors telling their stories in any public way. Since that time so much has changed. Folks li...