Peterson Toscano's A Musing

In which Marvin shares with his pastor a desire to work with children in the church. Marvin also responds to Joe G's question, "Is Brother Juan Gonzales gay?" Perhaps you have some suggestions of where Marvin can minister in his church.

In which Marvin recounts a wonderful time he had at church learning how to cut out his eye and chop off his hand. Then he bonds with Soon (and the world) in the produce asile at his local supermarket.

Considering the words of Exodus Youth Staffer Michael Ensley in a recent newsletter, Ex-Gay Watch blogger, David Roberts skillfully draws the distinction between same-sex attraction and a promiscuious lifestyle. I've noticed that what ex-gays often call “the gay lifestyle” could really apply to anyone, gay or straight. It is a life of excess, substance abuse and sexual addiction. You don't have to be gay to make lousy choices in life, though I can see where having one's very existence challenged as evil and sinful could lead to a less than healthy response. Read the expertly presented analysis Homosexuality Isn't Really the Problem Here .

Wonderful weekend in Middle Tennessee for a show (and I got to visit a friend to attended LIA with me.) The Cookeville performance went VERY well with an amazingly diverse crowd that went from high school students to eldery Quakers with plenty of genderqueer radical faeries, middle-aged lefties, college students and straight couples in the mix. I was hosted by Diana and Annie at the Hidden Springs Orchards . They run the Hidden Springs Nursery , that provide organic, pest-resistant specialty fruit trees. Needless to say I had the freshest organic produce possible, amazing blueberry jam and wine AND something I have always wanted to try--Acorn bread. (Acorns are one of the most nutritious foods on the planet and take FOREVER to peel, leech and prepare , but hmm, very good. I also met some amazing people including Miriam and Indigo, a lesbian couple from Bristol, England who are in the states for a few months to learn about organic farming. Loads of fun! Oh! and I got to see the divi...

Germantown Baptist Church , a long time supporter of Love in Action (LIA), is experiencing internal strife that could potentially lead to a church split or a loss of a chunk of its 11,000 plus members. According the the Commercial Appeal , An apparent power struggle at Germantown Baptist Church is causing strife between senior pastor Sam Shaw and a significant segment of his congregation. The main issue is a proposal to change the church bylaws, putting key decision-making in the hands of a small group of elders rather than continuing a tradition of the membership making decisions. A new group of elders would supplant decision-making authority of the current church board and deacons. Members opposed to the changes say 1,200 church members met last week to discuss the proposals. And a Web site has been created to lobby against the change in governance. The opposition may continue to grow leading to a crisis or Germantown may work out the issue without much loss or by ridding themselve...

Owen Egerton at Killing the Buddha tackles the question, What happens when you realize you're just not that into him? I'm often angry. I'd given him the best years of my life. Turned down college parties for Bible studies, passed on spring break flings just to make him happy. Memorized his words. Voted for his candidates. Other times I miss him so much my chest hurts. It had been love, after all. Not puppy love, but passionate life-changing love. Late night prayers, sharing every thought, every feeling. Trusting him with my life. For over ten years nothing, nothing at all, was more important to me. Now that it's ended, the void feels nearly as encompassing as the presence once had. After years of praying "in Jesus' name" I now find myself not knowing how to pray. What do I call God? How do I connect? I had come to define myself by this relationship. Now that I'm alone, who am I? Read more of Jesus and I Broke Up Hat tip to Christine . She is my Intern...

In which Marvin, presenting like a cross between Chris Matthews and Barbara Walters , asks Peterson the tough questions. Marvin tried the interview format once before, (the cousin Leonard debacle ). This time he is prepared and in charge.

Marvin posted an audio blog this morning. I didn't want you to miss it. Check out Marvin Has Two Mommies!

Jen Austin recently spent a day of her lesbian life at an ex-gay conference in Burleson, TX. She wrote about her experience for the Dallas Voice A one-day conference, titled “Living Hope, Lasting Change: A Redemptive Response to the Issue of Homosexuality,” was held on March 4 at Alsbury Baptist Church in Burleson. The 100 or so Christians (most of them white) sought answers to questions like: “Does God love homosexuals?” “What if I like boys and girls?” and “Are people born gay, or is it a choice?” After paying $20, I sat in the back row and quietly took notes. Throughout the workshop, it seemed like attendees agreed with whatever Chelette said. He depicted homosexuality as “demonic” work — that the trend of queer acceptance is linked to a general rise of immorality in modern culture. Read Austin full account in The Ex-Gay Factor and The Ex-Gay Factor Follow-Up Hat tip to Tanya Jonker-Bryce at Lesbian Life .

My dad, Pete Toscano is a real talker. (Actually his name is Peter, which makes me Peter's son, but everyone just calls him Pete). He gets cooler with age. Not only does he supply the neighborhood with bread and doughnuts , but as a U.S. Marine War veteran, he stands opposed to the War in Iraq. Recently I gave him Joel Andreas' Addicted to War comic book. When he was about halfway through he said to me, "It's a real good book and true. But I can only read a little at a time; it gets me real mad." On the front porch of the family home he has three flags--The US, Mexican and Canadian flags. One of his Marine buddies chidded him, "Pete, whaddya got those other flags for?" My father shot back, "Hey, they're our neighbors!" A long time Republican, my father disagrees strongly with Bush "It's not right what he's dong. He's messing up this country." Perhaps one of the most poignant things my father ever said to me was when ...

In which Marvin speaks of his mothers attempts to connect Marvin with his roots.

As a queer performance artist, I receive so much support and nourishment from the community where I live--Hartford, CT. Besides some wonderful friends and the Hartford Friends Meeting , I find that Hartford also provides me a place to rest, relax and reconnect. (plus Real Art Ways , The Connecticut Forum , True Colors AND East West Grill ) I feel it is so important to give back to the communities where we live. As a white queer man, I find it important to support local LGBT concerns and especially to reach out beyond my own needs to connect with non-LGBT folks who experience oppression and need in Hartford. This year I seek to support the amazing work of ConnectiKids , "an independent, non-profit youth development agency whose mission is to connect Hartford children and youth to their potential by building relationships and providing educational opportunities." ConnectiKids provides tutoring and mentoring services for elementary students, an arts and enrichment program , a...

According to the Catholic Information Service for Africa, Pro-Gay Church to Start Missions in Kenya And Uganda . The church community of St Sebastian, based in the Spanish Canary Islands off the coast of southern Morocco, announced the establishment of its first fellowships in mainland Africa last weekend. "In recent weeks we have been blessed with the opportunity to extend our ministry throughout Africa, and especially in Kenya and Uganda," Rev Paul Gibson told Afrol News. Preparations to offer religious services in the two East African countries are at an advanced stage, he said. Rev Gibson said establishing missions in Kenya and Uganda "is only the beginning of a new, fully inclusive church that will grow in strength and statue, whilst also becoming a voice for Christians who have been marginalized by an out-of-date system of administration." It's been a year since I presented Queer 101 in Yaounde, Cameroon, which like most African nations deems same-gender ...

Jim Johnson over at Straight, Not Narrow reports on Republicans Making Anti-Gay Pitch to African-Americans while raising some important questions (that he also answers). At a time when the United States is spending billions of dollars fighting a war on foreign soil; while this nation is still extremely vulnerable to terrorism; when there are millions of people faced with poverty, homelessness, unemployment, hunger; when there are millions of people who do not have access to medical treatment they desperately need; when there are millions of people living within our borders illegally; WHY ARE POLITICIANS AND EVANGELISTS PUSHING THOSE ISSUES ASIDE AND ATTACKING THE GAYS? And Jim Maynard, a Memphis gay blogger at the very pink Queer Notes who often considers political issues, writes about GOP Election Plan: Flag-Burning, Gay Marriage Amendments . Here they go again! USA Today reports that Senate Republicans are laying out their election plan and, surprise!, it will be to push for the a...

Gee you can find anything on the Internet. MissPoppy.com sells the Instant Gay Accent Mouthspray . The product description boasts, Flunked out of an ex-gay ministry? Get your accent back with "Instant Gay Accent Mouthspray" in peppermint. Hmmm, I wonder if they have a lesbian or bisexual version and what in the world would a "trans accent" be? And what about a Black gay accent? If they considered the entire community, they could have scores of versions of this stuff! Hat tip to Jeffrey Johnson

The ever elusive and sometimes reclusive cartoon artist, Bruce Garrett made a rare early April public appearance last Monday. Seen here emerging from the remnants of the famed College Park Forest, Garrett did not see his own shadow, therefore we have nearly two more years of Bush in office AND global warming. Thanks a lot, Bruce! To commiserate, we ate Chinese dumplings and cruised comic book stores in hopes of picking up a superhero or two.

I'm in my parents' home right now watching The Passion of the Christ with them. (I'd prefer Comedy Central ). As Mel Gibson beats the snot out of Jesus, I have turned to my trusty friend, the Internet and learned about an interesting new film that is in the works--The Color of the Cross--a Hollywood Jesus film with a Black Jesus (and Mary). From the film's wbsite -- “Color of the Cross,” an independent, biblically charged religious biopic, based on the last 48 hours of Christ’s life, stands to be the most controversial depiction of Jesus to date. The film is unique in two distinct ways: The first dramatic film in Hollywood history ever to depict Christ as a black man. Secondly, it is the first Christian based film to inject race as a possible factor in the Crucifixion of Christ. This racial perspective to the conventional biblical story is sure to challenge Conservative Christian beliefs. The film places racial issues front and center in this growing religious discours...

A friend of mine just created the coolest blog-- The Poet Speaks With A Thousand Voices To share a poem with the world, please call 415-856-0205.... when prompted for your phone number, enter 111-637-5524.... when prompted for your PIN, enter 7777.... Please say the title and the name of the poet, then read the poem in your own voice.... then go about the rest of your day or night knowing that you've done your part to enrich the world.

In which Marvin speaks to his mentor, Brother Juan Gonzales, about Soon and her struggles as a lesbian.

Christine at Rising Up Whole posted a POWERFUL and moving piece where she writes about her "Chrisitian" upbringing. Many of us queer folks know about Dr. James Dobson as the anti-gay head of Focus on the Faggot , um, Family, but he started out as a child psychologist and rose to fame through books like Dare To Discipline . (For a critique of each chapter click here ) Christine, raised under these teachings of Dobson, exposes what it felt like to be marked as "strong-willed" (in the negative Dobson-esque sense of the word), stubborn, melancholy, lazy, manipulative, wayward, stiff-necked, negative, thick-headed, too smart for my own good, "always trying to get attention," defiant, cold/calculating, and so on... I was disciplined and guilted and shamed into submission for many years. It somehow seems appropriate to me that Focus on the Family is such a partner with Exodus. My parent's treatment of me as a child (using Dobson as their guide) no doubt mad...

According to a press release issued today, the anti-gay organization Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX) grows more and more concerned about the growth of Gay Straight Alliances (GSA) in US Schools leading to the creation of Safe Spaces for queer and questioning youth (and for youth who have queer loved ones.) The press release states, Most disturbing is the willingness of homosexual activists to use our youth to advance an agenda. They are SO disturbed by this trend that their solution (with funding from the "Pro-Family" Charitable Trust ) is to create Gay to Straight clubs so they can use youth to advance PFOX's own agenda. Students are asked to distribute literature and put up posters with the message that ex-gays exist, and then report to us the results of their efforts. We also encourage them to start Gay to Straight Clubs, and ask that the ex-gay viewpoint be included in all diversity day presentations that discuss homosexuality. We provide the students with ...

Bob Painter (AKA Bob P) a former fellow Love in Action graduate and staff member has finally started a blog! Yes, I believe that every former ex-gay should have a blog of his/her own. In his most recent post, The "new man" is gay! he writes, I decided that I must die to the dishonest part of me that attempts to be someone he's not--namely a heterosexual. How difficult is it for me to crucify myself with Christ if I take the easy road of conforming to the patterns of this world--one pattern being that of heterosexual bigotry--just because straight people are uncomfortable with my sexual preferences? Working It Out--Daily posts about my life as a gay Christian...

Hat tip to Jennifer Butler at Transcending Gender for this brief story about a "house of God" that shut the church doors in the face of a trans person. A Minnesota county is refusing to send any more clients to a church that denied care to a transsexual. The Anoka County Social Services Department had sent disabled senior citizens and other vulnerable adults who need care during the day to Trinity Lutheran Church — in St. Francis. But the church turned away a client who had undergone surgery to be changed from a man into a woman. Associate Pastor John Maxfield says that’s “contrary to God’s revealed will.”

Doin' Time at the University of Maryland, College Park and had a few hours to relax today at the Ten Ren Tea House where I drank some stunning tea and ate a vegetarian stemed bun. But first I bought some comics including the delightful monster tale, ALL FLEE! In fact, I will meet up with comic artist John Stephens tonight to talk about some possible projects then with blogger and cartoon artist Bruce Garrett tomorrow. I still have an extra veggie bun and more tea if you want to join me. :-)

Responding to recent criticism surrounding his spirited reaction to J.J.'s blog entry about him, Marvin points out what he sees as hypocrisy in the recent comments of some of you, his listeners.

Cale and Jenessa, who I met in Memphis this summer as they helped lead the Queer Action Coaltion protests against Love in Action / Refuge, recently moved to Northampton, MA , a town owned and operated by queers. We hung out, had some funky fresh juice and walked around the campus of Smith College . Although they miss their Memphis friends, they fit in well in a place where most people are assumed queer until proven otherwise.

Jay, a trans man over at jay sennett jaywalks writes a super post about anger and and the body and blogging in a way that only he can do. Sexiness, righteous anger, sound bites (blog bites?) sell in the blogosphere. I seem to spend too much of my life energy trying to find Something Really Important to Blog About. Those posts get hits. Those types of posts are also the ones I tend to read. But posts about the ordinariness of life, emotions like rage and anger and hatred and disappointment, they don't sell. Yet these posts that bring me back to myself: the beating of my heat; the fullness in my bladder; my right thumb; the ancient rememberance that my social justice work is about healing, healing myself first and foremost. And from this strong place of myself, I remember again the Work: extending my hands, keeping them open, ready for another person or even an animal to grasp them. All the work I do is simply to help me keep my hands open. He goes on to quote other bloggers a...

Doin' Time in Southern Vermont this weekend to present two shows for the Bennington Pride Coalition . Friends Sadelle & Ann have hosted me in style with AMAZING vegan food. Today I had most of the day to explore the area. I desperately felt a servere nature deficit disorder , so I got my butt into the woods for a hike where I hugged a tree and sniffed around in the dirt, theen I built a faery house. Just looking out for my own. After the hike I stumbled onto the Fourth Annual Bed Race, a fundraiser for a local group that helps people currently without homes. There I bumped into two students from the Glow Up GSA and a straight ally mom, Louise. Bed Races in Vermont!! And some think all the fun stuff happens in New York and London. After buying comestic supplies at the Rite Aid, I popped into the Victory Christian Bookstore to ask, "What resources do you have for gay Christians?" The woman behind the counter smiled, consulted a co-worker then replid, "Sorry we don...

In which Marvin defends himself against the "attacks" on one of JJ's recent blog entries . Feeling increasingly under attack from the evil one, Marvin fights back!

Over at Joe's Beppepodcast We get an update about Marvin. Then we have a short conversation with another friend of Peterson’s named Earthel Foster. Earthel is an 82 year old woman who talks about growing up in the African-American church, her now deceased partner of many years named Sadie, and her thoughts about my being single and her attending a Meeting for Worship (the really quiet type). By the way, she has no problem “lovin’ Jesus” and “being that way”. Then we get Peterson’s perspectives about Jesus in his essay called “Low Carb Jesus”, which originally appeared as a blog post on A Musing. For those of you who don't know her yet, Earthel is one of the stars of Queer 101 . Have a listen and tell Joe how much you love him.

In which Marvin and Rosa Muñoz discuss the next steps out of lesbianism for Soon. Marvin also speaks to his pastor to make a formal complaint about Brother Samuel Johnson's "reign of terror" which somehow gets Marvin to reflect upon the prisioner abuse scandal in Iraq.

I have over 25 journals that chronicle my struggles with temptation and my MANY MANY failures to resist. Reading over them recently, it seemed like I read the same entry over and over. I experienced so much shame and remorse yet a tenacity to get up and try again and again. Throughout my 17 year struggle with my same-sex attractions, I often worried that maybe I that I had not repented from the heart. I begged Jesus to give me a broken and contrite heart over my sin. I also tried to figure out, what was it that I TRULY needed and why I ran to the flesh to attempt to satifify my need. The journal entries reveal how I regularly felt dirty, wrong, lost, flawed. Although my spiritual brothers and sisters also struggled with temptations, my same-sex attractions (and failures) always seemed the worse kind of temptation. Like Paul in Romans chapter seven I did the very thing that I didn't want to do and it felt like death was at work in my body. But then I would have a "breakthrough...

William Taylor, a warm and loving man who with his partner Barbara are members of my support committee and Quaker meeting, created a survey with 11 others from the Hartford Friends Meeting in hopes of discovering the shared values and concerns of pacifists and individuals from the military. We invite volunteers of any age, living in any country, to give us their opinions about similarities between pacifist and military views...You do not need to hold any particular view about war or peace. After January 1, 2007, we will make the results of the survey available to all, and to plan further dialog between the groups. The survey takes about 30 minutes and can be found here

In which Marvin unsuccessfully woos Soon to tap into the feminine. Then, as they huddle together in intimate prayer, something explosive happens.

Christine e-mailed me that someone in the Islamic Republic of Iran ended up on her site through the following search: Toscano Sex Picture I love the Internet.

Sunday night I made my debut in Wilmington, DE making Delaware the 28th US state where I have presented Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House ! What a great audience too at West Presbyterian Church . It is the first church performance I've done in 2006 as I have been focusing on college venues. Also, I want to announce my return to Tennessee for the fifth time to perform, this time in Cookeville, near Nashville. Sunday, April 23, 2006 7:00 PM Backdoor Playhouse, Tennessee Tech University, Dept. of English & Communications, 5 William L. Jones Dr., Cookeville, TN 38501. Check out my performance schedule to see if I will be popping up in your neck of the woods.

Diana, who has been featured on this blog here and here , has finally caved into my pestering and started her own blog. Diana's Little Corner in the Nutmeg State (uh, that would be Connecticut for those who didn't know). In her own words, Hi. I'm Diana and this is my Blog. I am Transsexual and this Blog site is about being transgendered, so if that bothers you then please move on. But, if you want to learn more then stick around. Also, this week Eugene at Parodoxy celebrates six months as a blogger. He compares his first post to his more current ones. It is amazing how blogging can expand our sense of sense and the world around us. He claims he is shocked to have an audience. Uh duh, Euguene, your writing is awesome, profound and terribly interesting.

Seems Marvin inspired JJ over at Christian, Gay and Confused to muse about her own experiences with trying to be fixed sexually . She provides sharp insight into Marvin's personality. I listen to Marvin Bloom, and I think that if he is for real, then I wish him well… but I also worry, because he seems unwell emotionally… and spiritually too, actually. Like something significant is being smothered in him… like he’s only using half of his person. I don’t really know how to explain it any better. I think you’ll hear what I mean if you listen to his posts . You know how when you neuter a cat, it gets kind of sluggish? It’s kind of like that. Not that he’s sluggish, but part of him is. Her analysis about her own process and her honesty causes me to reflect about my own drive to become something other than gay. Hat tip to Willie Hewes .

In which Marvin contacts Rosa Muñoz, an "ex-gay" program leader with special skills in attending to lesbians. Armed with the weapons of femininity, Marvin gets prayed up for his 2nd discipleship session to sort out Soon.

Unbelievable news in the "ex-gay" world. With this stunning news, I decided that I will radically change the course of my performance activism. From now on I will work exclusively on the dinner theater circuit bringing levity and quality entertainment to America's underserved senior citizen population. In solidarity wiith many seniors and as an act of performance art, I will have my doctor insert a catheter with a leg bag then document my experience in a new show called, Man with a Bag--Accessorised for Life. Mark this historic day: April 1, 2006!

In which Marvin meets with Soon and gives her the basics of repentence from the gay lifestyle.