Peterson Toscano's A Musing

I arrived home at 6:00 this morning. That's about 30 hours after I woke up yesterday in Scotland and began the LONG days journey into night, a night I began to fear would never end. After 2.5 absolutely delightful days in Scotland where I hiked with a dear friend in the Scottish Highlands and visited the Ancient Kingdom of Fife on the east coast, I headed back. Let's do the travel math, shall we? 1. 90 minute car ride to Glasgow then wait at airport. 2. One hour Flight to London 3. Get bags, check into KLM then wait at airport 4. One hour flight to Amsterdam then wait in airport 5. 6.5 hour Flight to JFK Airport NYC 6. Get bags, trudge through customs take the Air Link Train to the Subway 7. Wait 45 minutes for subway 8. 60+ minute subway ride to 42nd Street Port Authority Bus Terminal 9. At bus terminal I learn that Peter Pan Bus Company (I kid you not) just changed their schedule. My 11:30 PM bus will actually not leave until 3:30 AM. Nothing before that. 10. Hang out in the ...

I am exhausted (shattered they would say here). Wow, what a day. It started with an unbelievably intelligent, rational and inspired talk by theologian James Alison on the Old Testament "anti-gay" passages. I love that man. I want to have his biblical love child. Loads to tell you, but I must go to bed. Three highlights I will share. 1. As GCN friends John, Trevor and I walked from the Brian Houston concert (AMAZING!) a woman in her late 30's approached us apologetically. She wondered if we would be willing to consider attending the Christian speed dating event. Apparently they'd been getting many more women than men and needed to drum up hetero male business. John responded, "Well, I live in South Africa, so I don't think it makes sense for me to go." She looked to me. "I am gay," I replied. Then she turned to Trevor, "I am gay too." She thanked us with a sigh and moved on in search of more available men. We chuckled about it, then...

Wow! After a day a Greenbelt here in Cheltenham, England I now know why so many people implored me "You must go to Greenbelt!" From the Tiny Tea Tent (organic, fairly traded and solar powered) to funky and deeply moving performances (and a tad bit subtle at times), this feels like home. Plus Jimbo has been the PERFECT host and a great help to me as I prep for my presentation. Tonight I share Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway House . As I was preparing my notes after spending a few hours at Greenbelt, getting a feel for the crowd, I realized that I only ever presented this talk/performance in academic settings--American University, Sarah Lawrence, University of Puerto Rico, etc.. But tonight I will speak to Christians, Emergent Christans, Crunchy Christians, Post Christians, Straight Christians, Gay Christians, even Chapstick Lesbian Christians (kinda the fruit and granola version of lipstick lesbians). So I decided to includ my Pastor Meadows character in the mix ...

Firstly if you have not done it yet, go down and listen to Marvin's Aunt Sylvia in the previous post where she gives an update on "Marvy". Okay gang I head off for a very quick trip to England, via Amsterdam, (with an even quicker side trip to Scotland) so that I can present at Greenbelt. For those who don't already know about it, Greenbelt is a HUGE Christian arts festival (about 17,000 people) with lots of bands, "Christian acts", worship, drama and Christian comedians (shudder). They placed me in the comic/light entertainment category because they were not sure what else to do with me. It will be entertaining no doubt, but light? Maybe they mean Light entertainment because they know I am a Quaker ;-) I go on at 10:00 in the evening for the Saturday cabaret. I feel I must purchase a little black skirt or something. Hang on! I already have one... I mean if I am going to be progressive and shocking... I will meet up with folks from Gay Christian Network (...

After attending the Family and Friends Weekend at Love in Action, Marvin 's aunt, Sylvia, shares her eyewitness report.

On Thursday the family traveled to the Delaware County Fair . For those not familiar with New York State, there is NYC--vast metropolitan famous city, then there are much more rural swathes of land (and smaller cities). Walking around the county fair, with all the livestock, country music and folks wearing cowboy hats eating all manner of fried foods, most people may find it hard that we were less than three hours from Manhattan. Personally I detest county fairs. It's not the provincial flare or the homespun activities. I enjoy that part lots. It's just not a fun place for a vegan (or animals) from livestock to tigers in tiny cages. From the Land-O-Lakes butter scupture (w/ a man and pig in an oddly obscene pose) to the hundreds of animals locked up in small pens, I felt like an alien on a planet of barbaric oppressors. Sure young people learn lots of useful skills in caring for an animal and everyone is free to eat the foods s/he desires, but at what cost? We are trashing ...

The other day at the home of composer Lee Hoiby I mentioned how much I love hymns but more and more find that I cannot sing them. I start off with one of my favorites and stop realizing that my beliefs now do not match the lyrics. Sometimes when I have my quiet prayer time, I sit and go through 20 or more songs before I hit on one with which I agree. Lee promised to share a song he wrote as a salutation "from the God in me to the God in you." Sounds like a Quaker power anthem! Really it is a lovely song called As the Work is Done . Here is Lee performing it. He hasn't played it for years and apologized afterwards for stopping a few times, but like Joe G. with his podcasts, I think I perfer this version to a polished one. (And yet again the audio and the video got out of sync when uploading. Any suggestions on how to avoid that???) I find it to be quite moving. And with his permission, here are the lyrics: As the Work is Done From the god in me to the god in you, saluta...

Sarah B. Miller, the amazing woman who books my plays and presentations, told me it was time for a new promo card to send to universities. Well she and Christine conspired (with photo help from Tina Encarnacion )to come up with a lovely 6"x 11" card. Well done Christine! You will see I have two new talks that I now offer: Waking Up from a Biblically Induced Coma Slow Dancing with the Enemy--Effective Strategies for Engaging your Opponent.

I've shared before about how my father maintains the charmingly odd practice of buying bushels of bread, cake and doughnuts to distribute to friends, animals and strangers. We all need something to keep us out of trouble. Yesterday Hospice came to talk with my mom about her life and death. She has decided that although she has trouble swallowing due to her cancer (or the cancer treatment) she will forgo tests and treatment and let things take a natural course. I have been with my parents since last Friday spending quiet afternoons on the porch. We all have our ways of coping. These days I turn to the Internet--blogging, YouTube (Cher did a music video with Meatloaf in the 80's!), e-mails. I used to turn to Oreos, but with my new raw foods diet (two weeks!) I changed my eating patterns (Oreos? vegan? I used the "don't ask, don't tell" policy of veganism on them during much of my mom's chemo.) I have learned a new trick that helps distract me a bit from th...

From 1st Grade until 12 Grade I went to Narrowsburg Central Public Rural School. It is a huge name for such a small school. With less than 360 students from K-12, my graduation class of 36 was one of the largest. The name Narrowsburg, I was once told, has to do with the fact that the narrowest part of the Delaware River winds through the town (it then opens to the widest part, but somehow they focused on the narrow portion). But growing up it was how narrow minded the town and school felt to me that really stood out and influenced me. I never knew of any openly gay adults when I was a kid in the late 70's and and 80's. There were always gays and rumors of gay, but they never came out in the sunlight. They might as well have been vampires the way people spoke of same-gender loving people. But how times have changed! Stroll down Main Street and find quaint antique stories, first class galleries, cafes and posh restaurants. That and a very clear gay male presence. In fact, four of...

Gay, Christian and Spanish speaking? Where do you go? I haven't found many Spanish language blogs yet that explore the challenges that LGBT people of faith often face. In this past year I have met men and women from South and Central America and Spain who have struggled with their sexuality because of their Christian faith and society in general. They have learned to accept themselves but still face intense battles from family and friends and often do not know what to do with the faith of their childhood. Recently I met Ariadna, a lesbian Christian originally from Colombia who currently studies at a school of religion here in the states. She and I have partnered together to create Dos Equis (XX as in ex-ex-gay) a Spanish language blog that will talk about faith, sexuality, the ex-gay movement and our journeys. ¡Disfruta! .

Have you tried Google video yet? I am a big YouTube queen, but I really like the layout of the Google beta version of their video search. Here is an anime music video of If You Were Gay from Avenue Q . The song is great where someone assures his friend that if he were gay it would be A-OK.

A former Love in Action client recently e-mailed me. Now an out gay man with a delightful partner whose family is supportive of the couple, (although his own father is not yet), he told me that he experiences unexpected difficulties. I think I'm trying to sabotage my happiness, because I believe that I don't deserve this love that I found. I can't believe I'm (sa)ying this, because I thought I had left all of this behind. It's coming out in all sorts of ways....panic attacks, some violent, dark thoughts, obsessing, because i'm having dark thoughts....it's a vicious cycle, and i want to put an end to it. In response I wrote something like this: There are some big myths both in some churches and parts of the "gay community" The classic Christian testimony is that before Christ, someone's life is a mess, lost in sin and despair, apart from God. They give their heart to Jesus and experience a new life filled with joy and peace and purpose. The cla...

Previously I announced my UK tour dates . I now have most of the details for the Scandinavian leg of the tour. In the words of Sarah, my excellent and delightfully sarcastic booking agent, I am officially a eurotrash porn star. That is her way of affirming the work that I do. Okay, gotta go and learn Danish and Swedish then translate my plays. :-) Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House Sunday, September 17, 2006 7:00 PM Brorsons Kirke Rantzausgade 49 2200 Nørrebro Copenhagen, Denmark Theater Workshops Wednesday & Thursday September 20 & 21, 2006 5:00 PM - 8:00 PM Malmö, Sweden For members of the RFSL (iksförbundet för sexuellt likaberättigande) theater group and anyone interested in knowing more about the group. For details about these workshops: regnbagsteatern@hotmail.com Talkin' Trash in the Homo No Mo Halfway (performance + talk) Saturday, September 23, 2006 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM Regnbågsfesten 2006 Indigo Monbijougatan 15 Malmö, Sweden regnbagsteatern@hotmail.com ...

Jen Burke over at Transcending Gender writes about She Draws Comics--100 Years of America’s Women Cartoonists , an exhibition that has been running since May at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art (MoCCA) in New York City. Writer and "Herstorian" Trina Robbins is the mover and shaker who helped get the show going. An overlapping exhibition, Masters of American Comics , also showed at MoCCA. Apparently we have no masters who are woman--at least none were included in the Masters' exhibition. Quoting Brian Walker, the co-curator of the Masters exhibit, Beverly Wettenstein at Women’s eNews reports: “The majority of female comic book cartoonists working today are self-published, on the Web, in zines or books from small presses because mainstream comic books are focused on boys,” Robbins says. Willie Hewes , (who although Marvin is clueless about it, is actually a woman) please come to the US and resue us! Hey, why don't you publish one of your fine comics and let m...

Footprints--An Inspirational Comedy , the first play I wrote, premiered in Memphis, TN in 1999. Based on the popular poem Footprints in the Sand , in which a man has a dream that he is walking on the beach with the Lord and sees his life represented by footprints in the sand, I created four characters who each claim that they had the dream that led to the famous poem. I actually began writing the play while I was in Love in Action. We needed comedy to survive the hard times there, and many a night we'd gather in Jeff's or Scott's bedroom as I tried a new character telling a new version of the story. I still perform the play, most recently last October in Connecticut (and a command performance for Christine in Colorado). I will also perform excerpts in London this fall for Courage. Audiences ranging from Southern Baptists to LGBT Episcopalians have enjoyed it. About three years ago I go received the following e-mail from a man named Basil Zangare: I see you currently have ...

I am spending a few days with my parents, and surprisingly enjoyed the day which was filled with unexpected simple pleasures. I say surprisingly because my mother's current health issues grow increasingly more serious. She felt enough energy to go to the local supermarket in Jeffersonville, NY to do some shopping for my nephews. Once in town we popped into Samba , a new Brazilian juice bar and English language bookstore. Just riding in the car, sitting next to each other felt so good. Not knowing how many such trips we will enjoy, I felt very present and realized it was so much more than a trip to the store. After we returned, I planned my evening raw meal. Yeah, still doing the raw thing and loving it. My dad picked fresh tomatoes, basil, and garlic from his garden. I sliced some portobello mushrooms, layered the other items on top and bathed them with extra virgin olive oil. Then I covered it with a glass lid and put it out in the sun to marinate. In the afternoon, my mother na...

Although I feel physically wiped out, I also feel so revived in so many other ways from my time at yearly meeting . So many things to report that I really don't know where to begin. I will have some photos posted later this weekend. The high schoolers once again stood out as spiritual leaders in the community. Their meeting for worship with attention to business where they chose there slate of ministry and council members was focused, centered and spiritual. To see these young people grapple seriously with issues of pastoral care simply blows me away. They supported me so much with my show. They served as ushers for the audience and whipped everyone up in a semi-frenzy with their dancing and singing to my pre-show music (my killer cool mix). We had an absolutely packed house (600+ people), and the Young Friends cheered me on the whole way. During the Q&A the Young Friends asked insightful questions that helped us to move the discussion deeper. The last question I got was PERFEC...

Don't ask me why I am up at 4:15 am, perhaps overtired or it was the raw fresh corn on the cob I ate right before bed (so awesome) In my early morning surfing, I came across an opinion piece printed in yesterday's The Gateway, University of Nebraska's student newspaper. Michael McManus writes about the importance of being an individual by sharing how his own willingness to bow to others' expectations even led him into gay reparative therapy. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was a loser for the majority of my feeble 22 years. I was what I like to call a people-pleasing pushover, “PPP” for short. I was the guy who always tried to fit in, picked up the bill at restaurants and said “yes” in situations that obviously deserved a simple ”no” response. I was a PPP professional. It was an easy way to make friends and an even easier way to lose the small amount of personal identity that I had. I think I realized the severity of my situation when I told my parents I would go to c...

Earlier this year I presented at a liberal college in Vermont. I faced something there more terrifying and difficult than in any other presentation. Usually people come down decidedly about the queer issues I present. They are hot or cold--hot for queer rights and the end of oppression or cold set against us. But at this school with an audience of about 350 students, I hit faced a lukewarm reaction. "Whatever. I don't care." Throughout the show I felt like I was swimming in the pool of Jello . Afterwards I felt more exhausted and defeated than I have ever felt in any action or presentation I have done. I am reminded of that as I prepare for my presentation tomorrow night among liberal Quakers here in New England. Sure there are allies gallore and folks who say they are more than willing to undo the oppressions of sexism, racism and homophobia, but very often I run into a strange phenomenon, one that I can fall into too. It is apathy dressed up in accomplishment. Bring up ...

Last week I had a great long talk with Cindy Rodrí­guez from the Denver Post. She had recently done a piece about Mike Haley of Focus on the Family (and a former Love in Action staff worker). Her follow-up piece is entitled "Reparative Therapy" Represses . We talked for nearly two hours on the phone, which brought up lots of memories of my "ex-gay" years--so much longing for a different life, striving to be all that I believed God meant me to be, doing whatever it takes to "get right with God". Then to consider all the people hurt in the wake, it shook me inside. It took a few days to feel stable inside again. I know it is important to tell our stories. Important for us and for others to hear, but I also know the process drains us. I encourage lots of folks to get out there and share their experiences, but I warn them that it comes at a cost, great reward too, but a cost. In her piece Rodrí­guez writes about one of my exorcism experiences (when I was comm...

Okay, I am a vegan (no meat, dairy or fish products in my diet), and this week I decided to go raw . I've been hearing great stuff about diets with all uncooked non-animal foods. It is supposed to be great for the immune system, detoxification, weight loss, and ENERGY. I am a mellow guy leaning toward lower energy. Well day four of this raw diet and I am absolutely bouncing off the walls. Wicked energy. I don't walk, I scamper (which is a little less than a run). I just got off the phone with Christine (she is doing some rockin' design work for me) and I think I thoroughly confused her. Christine, I swear it is not cocaine; it's broccoli. Who knows where this will go. As if I weren't weird enough. I can just see my friends rolling their eyes when I break the news that I've gone raw.

Our New England gathering of Quaker meetings has a long recent history of what is called a popcorn meeting during adult worship. We gather in silence and after just a few moments, an adult Friend stands up with a message, then another, and another, and another, and another, and another with less and less space between messages. It got so bad last year that the teenagers left the meeting in protest then crafted a beautifully worded minute calling the adults to a deeper more centered worship. Today's worship was noticeably different--much quieter and thoughtful. No messages about pets for a change. At least four Friends pondered questions about if there is even a God. Good questions, but they reveal the spiritual dilemma (bankruptcy?) of many modern liberal Quakers who believe in almost anything and nothing in particular. The teens look at us confused--what do Quakers believe? A few folks gave messages of a personal nature (self-centered sort of musings in a public worship space) wh...

I arrived yesterday at the New England Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends ( Quaker ). It's the annual gathering of all Quaker meetings in the New England states (CT, RI, MA, VT, ME, NH). I have a double treat this year. In addition to serving as a Resource Person for the high school program (aka Young Friends), I have been asked to present my Homo No Mo play for the entire sessions. Huge honor and it feels especially good to do it among my own people for a change. Being with the Young Friends inspires me deeply. Back in 2001 when after I had pretty much left Christian churches but still felt a drawing to God, I stumbled into a Quaker meeting house. I didn't wish to join or even to be known--just worship and leave. I felt afraid that I would learn to love another group of church folks only to get rejected by them when I didn't line up to their expectations. I visited Quaker meeting for worship then slipped out before anyone could meet me. But then four yea...

I head off to Mahwah, New Jersey for the annual conference of NOMAS , The National Organization for Men Against Sexism. I will perform Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House tonight. The conference should be awesome, but sadly I have to leave right after my show so that I can go to Bryant University (used to be a college but it grew up I guess) in Smithfield, Rhode Island for the New England Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quaker). With my Quaker folk I will participate as a resource person for the Young Friends (high school) program again like I have done for the past few years. Lots of laughter, worship, games, theater, and the coolest business meetings you could ever imagine. These young people inspire me deeply with their commitment to silent worship, social justice and love for one another. I actually credit the NEYM Young Friends in large part for helping me to open up once again to a community of faith. Three years ago, seeing their sincere fait...

God Hates Shrimp! Yeah it is about time that God's people stood up against another abomination. Gay bashing is getting so old, and we don't smell nearly as bad as three day old seafood. (Not to mention the yucky poop track visibly running down the back of those nasty bottom feeders!) Hat Tip to Craker Lilo