Peterson Toscano's A Musing

In which Marvin reflects on the day's bitter news and decides on a new direction for his life. He says he will take some time off from blogging for awhile. (but I think he will still look at your comments)

This post is painful and disturbing. Something terrible happened, and Marvin feels partly to blame. The consequences of our words and lives, even when we have the best intentions, can be unbelievably devastating.. I am in contact with Marvin and talking about having him come back North to be with family and friends right now.

In which Marvin points out the spiritual dangers of the holiday and hatches a plan to deal with both the children and the demons that come to his door.

In which tongue-tied Marvin takes on transgender issues by addressing Alex's recent questions. Learn what Exodus and Love in Action has to offer trans folks. Better yet hear Marvin struggle to make sense of it all and remain faithful to the Gospel.

I just saw Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas 3D , and I have to say it was FABULOUS. I've always liked this film, but in 3D I saw so much more. If you get the chance, check it out while it is still in theaters. Oh, and they give you really cool substantial 3D glasses. Nothing like the flimsy crap they gave us back in the day for Jaws 3D , a movie so awful, 3D couldn't even help.

If you never heard John Corvino speak, run do not walk to check him out. Independent Gay Forum contributor and philosophy professor John Corvino is traveling the country to speak on homosexuality and morality. Events are free, so catch him if you can: November 2 : Ripon College (WI), 6 p.m., Great Hall (Same-sex marriage debate w/ Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family) November 8 : University of Memphis (TN), 7 p.m., Psych auditorium November 9 : University of Texas, Dallas, 12 p.m., Conference Center 1.206 November 15 : Carroll College (Waukesha, WI), 5 p.m., Campus Center Ballroom November 16 : Beloit College (Beloit, WI), 7 p.m., Wilson Auditorium You can read some of Corvino's thoughtful and rational essays at the IGC site. hat tip: Andrew Sullivan

In which Marvin responds in a new way to Pastor's sermon and proposes a clearer path for Straightway Ministries. He also reveals more details from his time in Love in Action.

In which Marvin talks to Grace/Pam and then shares his reaction to Alex's story . Thank God Marvin's finally listens to someone who makes sense! Oh, he also has words for Joe G.

In which Marvin fusses over work he must redo, misses the Jims in his life and reflects on horny teens in hay rides. Oh and he also gives a shout to some of you.

In which Marvin shares the current drama over the youth group's "Harvest Festival" Haunted House. See the sinners burning in the fires of hell tortured by the demons. Bring your heathen schoolmates so that they can be scared straight. Marvin hopes for a pool date tommorrow with Jim, the youth pastor. Oh and Marvin reports in about Rachel, who he feels is about to make a dangerous move.

Hey gang, sorry I have been so distant lately. Glad that Marvin is keeping you entertained. Some cool presentations coming up in NY, NJ and CA. This Tuesday I will be at Sarah Lawrence College (on Halloween???) to present Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House. Christine will be in from Colorado and Mike Airhart of Ex-Gay Watch (who recently relocated to Hartford, the ex-ex-gay capital of the Northeast) will also come along. Christine and I along with Steve Boese are working on an exciting NEW project. Can't wait to share it with all y'all. November 11 I will be in Palm Springs for the Love Breaks Out conference where I will also present Homo No Mo . Also presenting that day will be Worthie Paul Meacham, Dr. Devena R. Wilson and one of my favorite people in the world, Peggy Campolo . I'm trying to lure Joe G. (who includes me on his current podcast--well he does nearly every week; he needs material), Daniel Gonzales and Jonathan to come out too! On November ...

In which Marvin vents over the predatory demands of his minister and the sudden shift of plans with his "buddy" Pastor Jim. The pressures of the job seem to be getting to Marvin as we hear him lash out.

In which in the afterglow of an evening with his new Christian bud, Jim, Marvin shares the joys of godly male bonding. He also announces his plan to do outreach at area gay bars.

In which Marvin gets invovled with Mississippi's new election machines and puts Jesus on the ballot! He also shares his struggles over the youth pastor and a temptation issue.

In which Marvin thanks God for the blessings of an expanded role at Sword of Truth Ministries, even if it is at Rachel's expense. Marvin starts Straightway Ministries in earnest by putting out a box where church members can ask their burning questions about homosexuality. He already has two questions to answer! Oh and prospective clients are coming forward, well at least young clients suggested by concerned parents.

In which Marvin gets asked to take on additional responsibilities as a result of a church sex scandal.

In which Marvin shares his reservations about joining forces with the largest ex-gay organization in the world. He also gets enlisted into Rachel's wedding planning.

I should be sleeping. I should be exhausted. My voice is nearly gone, but I feel so buoyed up by my experience at Southern Illinois University here in Carbondale, IL. Speaking to the Sociology class was the highlight I think that and hanging out with ex-gay survivors Bob Painter and J. The show went particularly well with a large turnout. The Daily Egyptian, the campus paper, printed a surprisingly accurate review by Sarah Lohman. (I say surprisingly because I have found most reviews get the details all mixed up.) Okay, must get to bed. I fly out in the morning, and on the weekend I will be in Portland, ME with a group of very active Quaker teens.

If you have not read the first part of Alex's narrative, please do! In this part Alex writes about the transition process and the many challenges that he has faced seeking appropriate medical care in Sweden. From Alex I learned that the state of Connecticut (where I live in the US) has more and better laws to protect trans people than the country of Sweden. I have come a long way since then at many levels. I couldn't even think about correcting my physical errors then, I had just turned it upside down and was stuck in not being able to change my soul. But I'm still very afraid of God but now I think it's mostly my own insecurities and I have at least hope that God doesn’t hate me for having this conflict between body and soul. Something I do know is that it's very destructive and probably deadly to keep on living with that conflict. At least for me. It was only last year I started my bodily transition. Me and my husband had been a part of a Anabaptist church for th...

In which Marvin outlines how he avoided getting "triggered" on his first day off in three months. Learn out how you too can cleanse your house from gay male temptation. Also, lots of good news from Rachel, Marvin's co-worker and a very special surprise request from Exodus International.

Reporting to you live (but only just awoken) from Southern Illinois. I have a show here tonight and will be joined by two former Love in Action participants-- Bob Painter and J ! I also get to see a former student of mine from my times at the Watkinson School. This afternoon I will have lunch with a Christian group then I will speak in a Sociology class. I never mentioned the details on the blog, but last Wednesday I presented at Mt. Holyoke College in Massachusetts. It was a real Quaker affair. One of my Quaker buddies, Althea, who I knew from the Young Friends programs, invited me to come and present my Homo No Mo play. Other Young Friends came from area schools and Bill and Bobby Taylor of my support committee gave me a ride and held me in the Light throughout my presentation. Mt. Holyoke is one of the best and most progressive liberal arts schools in the nation (they put the liberal in liberal arts). All women with some trans men, I really wondered how my message would fit in. S...

Last night the US cable TV channel, Comedy Central, hosted a program called Night of Too Many Stars --An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education. I have two different friends who have sons with autism, so I was especially glad to hear about the show. Last night I visited Jen, my trashy TV friend (she is far from trashy, but she and I enjoy trashy TV together) We settled in and to watch this program that promised too many comic stars, all doing their thing and raising money at the same time. Ugh. One after another, these white male comics appeared with their shoddy material that barely deserved a smile, let alone a laugh. Jerry Seinfield dusted off some material from his stand-up days in the 1990's, and had to literally crawl around on the floor in order to get a response from the audience. Where were the women comics??? The comics of colors?? Wanda Sykes--we needed you more than ever! Perhaps they came towards the end, but I couldn't watch much more after the well-worn Martin S...

During my recent visit to Sweden I met an extraordinary gay couple--Alex and Noa. They first contacted me a year ago after they had seen Fish Can't Fly .What a delight to meet them in person and to hear their story. Alex, a big fan of Marvin Bloom and a regular commenter, agreed to share some of his story on this blog. He worries that his English is not good enough, but his narrative is moving and revealing. I will let Alex speak for himself. My name is Alex. I guess an introduction is in order but I don't really know who I am. Actually Alex isn't really my legal name so even in my first words this starts to get a bit complicated. I am a student, and if you ask any of my classmates who I am, you will probably hear that I am a 19-20 year old boy, well-read for my age, openly gay and that I am someone almost everybody likes but nobody knows. If you ask my mother, the picture may be somewhat different. I believe that she will tell you that I am a 27-year-old married mother of ...

Last weekend when I was driving back from visiting my dad, I first heard the report about the attack that put Michael Sandy into intensive care. The news report initially said that it looked like a bias crime based on race. Sandy (age 28) is black, his four young attackers (ages 16-20) are white. Investigators quickly discovered though that the men lured Sandy through the use of a gay chat room in hopes of robbing him. They beat Sandy, he fled and was struck by a passing vehicle. According to 365gay.com , Michael Sandy died on Friday with his family by his side. This story fills me with profound sadness. hat tip to Joe Brummer

In which Marvin relates the debate with his fellow ministers over the name of Sword of Truth's new ex-gay program. Now with a name in place, Marvin can start the work of ministry.

In which Marvin gives examples to support his loving criticism of Love in Action. He also greets all his commenting friends and reveals how the men in ministry at Sword of Truth keep themselves from getting caught up with Internet filth.

The Times Online (UK) reports that university students using the on-line community utility Facebook have launched a protest against an "ex-gay" course that a Christian student group out of Edinburgh, Scotland hosted. The article mostly talks about how resources like Facebook help to galvanize student protests, but what stands out to me is this under the radar ex-gay ministry that plans to spread throughout the UK. The controversy surrounding the course called Pure, began after pilot courses were held at Edinburgh University. The pilot was deemed a success and the Edinburgh University Student newspaper printed details of the Universities and Colleges Christian Fellowship plans to roll out the courses across Britain. The course recommends literature that has been labeled homophobic and suggests students "Say farewell - itÂ’s a No Go!" to homosexual relationships. What Some of You Were by Christopher Keane is one of the texts recommended by the course. It tells the st...

In which Marvin reveals issues he has with the Love in Action program and highlights the different approach he will take in his fledgling ministry. Marvin also shares his Pastor's Coming Out Day surprise. He is still looking for an appropriate name for his ex-gay program. Suggestions?

In which Marvin reports live from his new "office space" at Sword of Truth Ministries somewhere deep in the heart of Alabama. He is trying to come up with a name for his new ex-gay ministry and is also pondering whether his should become an approved Exodus ministry. I wish I could tell you more about Marvin and his adventures, but as of yet, he has not called me, so I have no way of contacting him. I will not be surprised to learn that he still sees me as off-limits. Even after I graduated from Love in Action, they strongly advised us to avoid all practicing homosexuals.

Now through the end of November I will mostly present at US universities starting with Mt. Holyoke this evening. Often these events are sponsored by one of the LGBT groups on campus, but sometimes other groups book a queer speaker to come as part of a social justice program, diversity event or even a religious sponsored forum. The schedule is not firmed up yet, but so far, we have confirmed: Oct 11: Mount Holyoke College Oct 17: Southern Illinois University Carbondale Oct 31: Sarah Lawrence College Still in the works are presentations at NYU, Old Dominion University, Ramapo College and Knox College. What I like about going to universities is that you never know who will show up. Some professors encourage that their students come to the presentation as part of the classwork. Also, conservative Christians come to the shows and often ask questions during the Q&A session and afterwards. At the Southern Illinois website a running debate has developed over university's GLBT history...

Those folks at Ex-Gay Watch are keeping busy these days! If they keep this up, I won't ever have to write my own blog entries and simply post links to their fine work all day. Timothy Kincaid of Ex-Gay Watch writes an exclusive piece for Advocate.com. In it he responds to an Advocate piece by Kyle White entitled I Hate Being Gay . In which White mentions an interest in getting ex-gay help. Of his same-sex struggle he writes, Being a gay Christian is at times very hard to deal with. Some days I feel as if I’m at war with myself. But I know God would not approve of me acting on my gay feelings, and I have no right to question his directive. I know that in the end I will be happy I lived my life according to God’s standards the best that I could. That means refusing to accept being gay Kincaid replies, I’m not going to try and change Kyle’s mind about his faith. Nor am I going to try and convince him to embrace his sexual orientation or discourage his political activism. But I do wa...

Terry Gross of the NPR program Fresh Air broadcasted an interview today with Exodus president Alan Chambers (she also interviewed ex-ex-gay Shawn O'Donnell and writer Tanya Ezren). Alan claims that he is speaking for his constituents, the people that he represents. Was he elected to a congressional post or something? Taken over Foley's seat? When did he stop working in ministry and begin a political career? Daniel Gonzales of Ex-Gay Watch put together this excellent video with some of Alan's boldest and most inaccurate claims. Unlike Alan, Daniel provides us with some statistics.

This just in from Nillo's Night : October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The Alpha Chi Omega Foundation asks you to take a glimpse inside to learn more about how domestic violence affects everyone. Click here to launch the video presentation--it's very moving.

In which Marvin exits Love in Action with the sword of truth firmly grasped in his hands. He shares one of the challenges he experienced in the program and a whole new ministry opportunity that he has been offered.

Why does someone go ex-gay? The video clip below helps uncover the external pressures that drive someone into the arms of Exodus programs. Anti-gay messages layered over and over as we grow up, messages from churches, parents, religious leaders, and society created an inner conflict that many of us sought to resolve through gay reparative therapy and ministry. Hat tip to David Roberts at Ex-Gay Watch And from the Australian Broadcasting company here is a 22 minute clip from a TV program that visited the Ex-Gay Movement in the US. Hear Mike Haley talk about the male and female packets they sell at Love Won Out. See Richard Cohen at the family dinner table right after he whacked the snot out of someone's past family trauma. Witness John Smid playing with his poodle. Wayne Besen, former Love in Action client Lance Carrol and Soulforce's Mel White counter the ex-gay claims. Oh and gay cowboys! You can view a transcript of the program here .

The Mark Foley sex scandal wearies me. How come I hear non-stop blather about this one sex scandal, yet in a week's time we had THREE school shooting incidents , and I barely hear a word about them other than to see scores of photos of mourning Amish people who do not even want their photos taken? What about gun control and homeland security from our own crazed fellow citizens? In the political arena, the Rebulicans have fashioned themselves as the party of family values. In the advertising world that is known as a marketing tool, one that has worked successfully for years. The dream of the traditional family has been the draw for many white men who have enrolled in ex-gay programs (which mostly consists of white male leaders and participants). Growing up in NY during the Reagan years as a gay kid in a working class Italian-American Catholic family, I would see an image of the perfect family (like the picture I photographed today while rummaging a junk store with my dad), and feel...

The writer at Disputed Mutability recently read the Exodus book God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door , authored by Exodus President Alan Chambers and other Exodus leaders. I have yet to muster the grace to read it myself; I prefer a face to face conversation whenever possible (plus I still have to finish reading Inga Muscio's Cunt .) In her consideration of the book, Disputed Mutability writes, I’ve been listening/reading to Exodus stuff for quite some time, so there weren’t a ton of surprises in here. But one thing that shocked me was their hostility toward the celibate gay route. I had always thought they had a live-and-let-live attitude and were cool with the celibate gay Christians doing their own thing. It turns out I was just projecting. She goes on to list a few quotes from the book along with an insightful runnicommentaryary that exposes the contempt that Exodus (a dedcidedly Protestant group) has for the Catholic consideration of celibacy when ministering to people w...

I adore Terry Gross' Fresh Air radio program on National Public Radio. I've been listening to her interviews for years and always wondered why she didn't do anything on the ex-gay movement. Well, the time has come! This Monday Fresh Air will broadcast interviews with Tanya Ezren, author of Straight to Jesus , Alan Chambers , President of Exodus International, and Shawn O'Donnell, who appeared in the Fish Can't Fly film. Hat Tip to Shawn O'Donnell for letting me know about the show's airing. Hopefully even with the busyness of school and all, Shawn will get back to his blog soon--hint, hint. Click here to find out how you can listen to Fresh Air locally or on-line.

On my recent trip to the UK I met Trish (not her real name) who is married to Trevor (not his real name). She is straight; he is gay. They knew before they married, but they married anyway. She is black and he is white. Not your average English couple. Perhaps there was an ex-gay attempt at one point in their relationship, but now they embrace the reality of their relationship, still love each other, own a business together, are raising two children and have been married over 20 years. He still identifies as gay, not bi or ex-gay, but gay. This works for them because of their love to each other and their commitment to integrity. As far as I know they are monogamous and faithful to each other. Fellow church members and friends look at them puzzled at the complexity of a mixed-marriage. One of Trish's church friends recently remarked to Trish, "You really do live an alternative lifestyle!" Trish, with a bit a cheek and much insight, replied, "As Christians we are calle...

Last night in Oxford I attended a performance of Clare Summerskill's Gateway to Heaven , a play that spans much of 20th century British LGBT history through personal narratives acted out by four performers. Summerskill , "Lesbian Comedienne who performs an original cocktail of stand-up and comedy songs to Gay audiences up and down the country," skillfully crafted the play, so that while educational and didactic as times, it never felt forced or phoney. I must run to breakfast and then catch my plane back to CT, so I don't have long, but a few quicky observations. How refreshing to hear LGBT history other than Stonewall and US-based narratives. I learned of people, places, organizations and movements in the UK similar but still distinctive to the UK. Many of the narratives from the 1950's and 60's spoke explictly about sex and more sex. It reminded me how for many gay and lesbian people during those times, that was virtually the ONLY way to express one...

Today I feel inspired by the words of Walt Whitman , I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease . . . . observing a spear of summer grass. Sitting in a quiet upper room in an Oxford cafe next to the Quaker Centre, it feels good to take a breather after lots of running around. The Courage Retreat gave me so many things to think about. Hearing people's stories of coming out queer, as Christian, as the wife of a gay man has moved me deeply. Over coffee this morning, one man shared that less than a year ago, at age 76, he came out after a French woman friend of his purchased him a one-day pass to a gay gym in Lyons. He knew all his life that there was something queer about him. He knew in the back of his head, but as a Christian and a married man, then a widower of 20 years who had grown up in a different world where there were no visible queer people, he did not comprehend this critical part of himself until he stepped into that gym. Then everything suddenly made sense. T...

Jim Burroway made me laugh out loud with his expertly crafted insightful parody (or is it???) The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing the Myths . The slick subversive layout looks just like something you would see bashing us queer folks with suggestive photos and giant highlighted quotes like One "virgin" had oral sex with ten partners in her still young lifetime. Heterosexual travelers carried so many tropical diseases to New York City that it had to institute a Tropical Disease Center . Learn about Heterosexuality in the Classroom , The Medical Consequences of Heterosexuality and The Danger to the Family and even Children . But don't worry, there is still hope for the heterosexual. You can download your own PDF copy HERE !