Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Languishing in the heat with sharp back pain, Marvin lashes out at the ones who love him and cook meatloaf to prove it.

In what sounds like a modern version of the trials and tribulations of Job of old, Marvin recounts how things have only gotten worse in the past 24 hours. But with adversity we see Marvin's unflinching tenacity to serve his God through sweat and bath water..

In which Marvin realizes that working at Enzo's Christian Books and Videos has actually sapped his joy. Not all that glitters is gold and in this case, there isn't even proper payment for services rendered. Marvin sounds frustrated and could use some encouragement.

I've been at my parents' home in the NY State Catskill Mountains near the Delaware River. After six consecutive days of rain, the river has begun to flood. Since I have been on nephew day camp duty this week, we visited some of the flooded areas. With "live" footage, here is news team Greg and Geoffrey. Here in Narrowsburg, NY on the bridge to Pennsylvania, the river has flooded the Flats where lots of my nephews' friends live. This footage is from Callicoon, NY where some scenes in the movie Transamerica were shot. ***Oh, and this just in, Greg informed me that the majestice Roebling Aqueduct , built in 1847 by the same man who designed the Brooklyn Bridge, collasped into the Delaware River because of the extreme flooding conditions.

The Broadway musical Wicked --The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz, based on Gregory Maquire's book, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West , explores how we as a society define wickedness, not so much based on actual good and evil, but by political ideology and personal ambition. The story and the music remind me of the ex-gay movement and how far some ex-gay leaders have gone in their pursuit of their dreams. Elphaba, who becomes known by Ozians as the very green and despised Wicked Witch of the West, actually starts her journey to "wickedness" in college as a roommate to Galinda, who later becomes known as Glinda the Good. After a rough start, they become best friends, and we see the good heart that Elphaba possesses, her longing to belong and the pain of being different along with her noble desire to help the oppressed in society (talking animals). Galinda, who initially presents as a shallow popular blonde, reveals warmth and depth as her relati...

This weekend I attended a conference outside of Philadelphia put on by the Friends Council on Education . Saturday night's keynote speaker, Ines Talamantez , an Apache/Chicano anthropology professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara, came to the conference on a special grant to support mutual learnings between Native Americans and Quakers. She spoke about how Native American children were removed from their homes and forced to attend white boarding schools. There the Native American children were forbidden to speak their language and practice their religion. They had to cut their hair and dress like the mainstream white children. As she spoke about her pain of going through such an ordeal, of being forced to adopt a dominant culture and identity unlike her own, of being taught that her own way and identity was wrong and inferior, I began to weep. Today I read about Wesley Thomas , a former Indiana University gender studies and anthropology graduate student and Navajo...

(Warning, I am in a parenthetical mood) Ah, talk of the gay gene has been knocked about the media for some years. (No not Gene Robinson--that is the openly gay Episcipol bishop, a different sort of gay Gene) Daniel at Ex-Gay Watch, (who btw recently gifted me with a stunning collection of Indian spices and curry packets), posted about a study that states men with older brothers are more likely to turn out gay. He then wondered how ex-gay spokespersons might respond to a possible biological link to gayness. Comments ensued including one from Peter O who explained, This research doesn't prove either way because the causation of the homosexuality wasn't studied. All the research does is *observe* that younger brothers are more likely to be homosexual, but there is NO biological data to go alongside to show why. Good point. (and where have you been Peter O? I miss your comments on this blog--oh and I am coming to the UK again soon!) It got me thinking (and commenting) about the e...

In which Marvin helps a Christian businessman out of a tight spot.

Former ex-gay Shawn O'Donnell has begun to blog! Shawn, who appears in Tom Murray's film Fish Can't Fly , is also the the guy whose face appeared on the Exodus website years after he came out and in spite of many requests to have his image removed. He only has a few entries up so far, but he writes about his time in the New Hope residential ex-gay program and his feelings at the time and in looking back. Shawn, welcome to the world of blogging! Shawn's blog: allgodschildren

In which Marvin responds to criticism and explains how challenging it is to produce quality on-line audio truth. Speaking of truth, He calls on Jonathan and all listeners to follow his own example to stand up for the truth.

In which Marvin justifies his actions and explains exactly what is going on in his life.

In which Marvin, attempting to sell a giant flat screen TV and share the Gospel of Jesus at the same time, ends up having to decide just how far he will go for the truth.

Commenting on Eve Tushnet's recent piece for NRO , Dave Rattigan at Ex-Gay Watch raises the issue of exaggerated claims by some ex-gay leaders. This has led to the posting of a series of comments on wide ranging topics from recent killings of autistic children by their own parents to the culture of dishonesty in the ex-gay movement. With the recent revelations of Focus on the Family distorting scientific data for their own purpose and Paul Cameroon doing much of the same (except without actual scientific data), I thought I would expand on comments I posted on Ex-Gay Watch. Is it lying if one is deceived and really believes the message, even with all its duplicity? Contemporary Evangelical Conservative Christianity can be an incredibly complex belief system with inconsistencies believers massaged away through myriad linguistic and interpretive devices. The duality that exists of being in the world but not of the world , of being wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove , of being...

In which we go behind the scenes to hear how Marvin prepares for his ministry and learn about how different types of people respond to his strip mall evangelism. Marvin also shares with us his ministry theme song .

From Ex-Gay Watch: The Canadian Broadcast Company reports how Melissa Fryear, Focus on the Family's resident ex-lesbian, "hijacked" and distorted Canadian research on lesbian teen suicide to support her employer's political beliefs. The post goes on to provide details of the study and how Fryear misused it. Shocking? Not really, this sort of thing goes on all the time. The anti-gay "researcher" formerly known as the licensed Dr. Paul Cameron, recently published a paper in the Journal of Biosocial Science. As Christine points out in a recent post , The paper is called "Children of Homosexuals and Transsexuals More Apt to be Homosexual." The first words are "'Common sense' holds that homosexuality is 'contagious'" and goes downhill from there. Where does he get his data from? He says he's getting it from three other "books." OK, so what are these books? Studies? Research books? Nope, they're just books. ...

Dave Rattigan a new contributor to Ex-Gay Watch (Yes!) and has already offered thoughtfully presented posts to an already wonderful blog for all things ex-gay. Dave also recently wrote an article on the Ex-Gay Movement in the UK that appeared in June 2006 edition of the British Evangelical magazine, Third Way . Rattigan blends his personal narrative with interviews and history of the ex-gay movement in the US and the UK. “God make me straight,” I used to pray nightly. It’s what every dissatisfied gay Christian wants more than anything. I would wake up the next day and sometimes get as far as lunchtime thinking maybe that was the day I’d wake up healed. But always it would end in disillusionment, the same feelings coming back, and I knew I wasn’t changed inside. He goes on to write about Exodus, Love in Action (including Zach Stark and incidents surrounding his time in the Refuge program), True Freedom Trust, Courage and LIFE Ministries, an off-shoot of the NY ex-gay program of the s...

Christine posted some thoughts that I had been considering on my walk to Quaker meeting for worship this morning. I also would like to remember today all the dads out there who aren't allowed to have contact or meaningful relationships with their kids because of their sexual orientation. For all of those who have been vilified and kept out of your kids' lives, I'm so sorry. Please don't let that keep you from sharing what you have with kids around you who may need it. from Some Father's Day Thoughts

In which Marvin shares the set of songs he belts out while doing his strip mall ministry. Think of it as Evangelism Explosion--The Musical. If you can make to the end, you just might hear a personal message for you.

If you are new to this site, you may notice occasional links to audio posts by someone named Marvin Bloom. Last fall, Marvin, a Long Island Jew for Jesus, Republican and Ex-Gay agreed to come onto my blog and post some audio blogs. His story has captivated the minds and hearts of people from Idaho to Sweden. To begin listening to Marvin, click here then click on the last page to start with the first Marvin posts. My personal favorites: Marvin's Crazy Church Experience Marvin & Leonard Marvin Takes on Lesbianism Marvin Interviews Peterson! Okay Marvinites (a term coined by Joe G.) what is your favorite Marvin post?

A national gay-affirimng leader, who I respect, contacted me today to ask if I know any of Richard Cohen's former clients who would be willing to speak with him. So I put it out there. Any of you been with Richard Cohen , therapeutically speaking that is, or do you know of someone who has who would be willing to talk? Please email me . Thanks.

In which Marvin's young disciple invites him over for a meal and to meet the family. Marvin shares the Good News of salvation for young people through the church's youth programming. Pressures mount on Marvin's job but he remains firm in his faith.

Eve Tushnet after attending Focus on the Family's Love Won Out conference, wrote a piece for William F. Buckley's National Review Online . In it she quotes Joe Riddle, Lance Caroll, Mike Haley and Peterson Toscano (um, me). Homo No Mo’? A report from the June 10 Love Won Out conference.

Go to this site and listen . Apparently some UK shopkeepers, trying to control the teen traffic and gathering in front of their shops, setup a speaker that emits a high-pitch tone that only people under the age of 20 can hear. According to NPR , the teens have struck back and have begun to use the tone for text message alerts without adults knowing what is going on. So wonderfully subversive. Hat tip to my nephew Greg for alerting me to something I cannot hear (which gives him and his friends so much pleasure).

David Roberts at Ex-Gay Watch reports , that responding to recent criticism surrounding the practice of "ministering" to youth forced to attend Love in Action's Refuge program, program leaders attempt to dispel concerns through vaguely worded FAQs on their site. Do parents have the right to force their child to come to our program? There are currently no laws prohibiting Christian parents from rearing their children according to their faith. Because Refuge International, Inc., is a Christian discipleship ministry, no belief is forced on anyone; in Scripture, Jesus Christ never forced anyone to believe in Him. What will happen if I make my child come against his/her will? Again, as we trust in the inerrancy of God’s Word, we adhere to the commandments for relationships between parents and children. We believe God is faithful to bless those who strive for obedience to His commands. Roberts provides insightful analysis of these questions and answers. In conclusion he write...

Steve Boese over at Tenable Belief , (and frequent Marvin commenter) attended the Love Won Out conference recently held in suburban Maryland (near to DC). He shares his thoughts in a series of blog entries: Check out the Love Won Out Chronicles .

It's official, I've been invited to present at Greenbelt , "a Christian music and arts festival – established in 1973 and first held in 1974, Greenbelt festival is in its 33rd year, and, at the last festival, attracted around 19,000 festival-goers." It is held in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, England from August 25-28, 2006. This will be my third time presenting in England. Each time I have, people came up to me and say, "You need to perform at Greenbelt!" So here it is. I will also be in England, Wales, Sweden and Denmark September 9th to October 4th (details to be released soon). Hope to meet up with some of you there!

Queer and insightful Blogger, Vlogger, and Podcaster, Nillo , presents a moving, short podcast where he shares an incident of racial biogotry in his town. He then looks at the bigotry perpetuated against queer folks. How much are we expected to do to become good enough? Listen to Nillo's Night-- Bigotry is Bigotry .

On his new Truth Wins Out site, Wayne Besen , (feared and hated by some ex-gays), lists 10 actual strategies for overcoming those pesky same-sex desires. My personal favorite-- Gaining Weight Will Help Make You Hetero “My weight started to increase, and I found little desire to keep on a strict diet and stay fashionably slim. My very appearance was changing. I was looking less and less gay. And I was perfectly happy about it.”(John Paulk, Spokesperson, Focus on the Family) Of course these are somewhat tongue and cheek and taken out of context, but I have to say, I've heard many of these ideas during my 17 years of trying to go straight. And Lord knows those Texas Sized biscuits they served us at Love in Action forced us out of our spandex. Check out 10 Wacky 'Ex-Gay' Ideas. Hat tip to the super blogger Pam Spaulding .

In which Marvin recounts the stunning results of his recent evangelistic expeditions. His basket is brimming with fruit. He also defends his use of Chick tracts and lunch hour revival meetings.

Jennifer Burke over at Transcending Gender posted two entries exposing violence against trans people. Quoting a Houston Voice piece entitled, Vatican slams free hormone treatments for transgender people , Jennifer shares, The Vatican’s official newspaper criticized the government of Italy’s Tuscany region June 9 for providing free hormone treatments for people transitioning . . . . A U.S. transgender advocacy group condemned the newspaper’s comments. “The Vatican’s criticism is a glaring example of the widespread ignorance surrounding the health care needs of transgender people,” said Simon Aronoff, deputy director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. Jennifer also speaks about protests in New Zealand held outside the Portuguese Consulate in Wellington and attended by Transgender MP Gorgina Beyer . Agender, a transgender support and advocacy group organized the event " to demand action by the Portuguese government over the brutal torture and murder of Gisberta, a tran...

Tanya Erzen, author of Straight to Jesus--Sexual and Christian Conversions in the Ex-Gay Movement, wrote a piece about her time researching New Hope, an ex-gay program outside of San Francisco. It appears in today's Boston Globe. Read Partners in Prayer . Hat tip to BarbieAnn Rounds.

My 17-year-old nephew Greg skateboards everyday, rain or shine. He builds his own ramps and jumps with my father, a skilled carpenter. Greg does AMAZING and daring stunts off-camera, but unlike his uncle (who adores an audience), he can never quite get the stunt right when he is being filmed. I think he did a fine job. Here we have Greg's Kickflip Here's his Ollie In this one he attempts a Varial Flip . He does not succeed, but his attitude is great, so I asked if we could include it. (The voice in the back ground is my funky father yucking it up) From watching Greg I discovered that there is no way that you can learn these stunts unless you are committed enough to fall flat on your face (and your butt and your side and sometimes even your head). How true for so many of us-- comic artists, cartoon artists, performance artists , and ministers who preach in drag , men who attempt to build healthy gay relationships , trans women and men , queer and a tad bit odd podcasters , ...

UK-based comic artist Willie Hewes announced yesterday that her GothBoy Mini series can be seen on-line! Of course I have my own printed version, giving to me personally by her greatness, but you can enjoy the wit and the wonder of GothBoy for yourself. It's only a click away. Willie also created the moving Free Z comic, about a teens forced experience in an ex-gay program, which you can view here and will be available in large comic form very soon!

Okay, I am on West Coast time with nothing to do but look at other people's blogs. Over at Gregg's Gamble blog I learned about creating a Word Cloud . It looks at keywords on your site then creates an image with the words (I know Christine will eat this up with her love of movable type).

I wrote a piece for Friends General Conference (FGC) REsource , a publication that provides resources and news about Quaker religious education, mostly in the unprogrammed tradition . The piece is now available on-line. So many Quaker bloggers, so little time! Quaker Blogs

Jim Johnson over at Straight, Not Narrow , demonstrated with several others in protest of Focus on the Faggot's, um Family's anti-gay conference Love Won Out. Jim shares some of what happened during the demonstration, who spoke and how he felt being part of it all. Demonstrating Against "Love Won Out" Conference

Breaking out of tradition is nothing new for Marvin. Here drawing on the creative power of God, he preaches the Gospel through song and Chick tracts in a Long Island strip mall. Buy a bagel, drop off your dry cleaning and hear the Gospel--fun for the whole family.

From Sept 2001 until June of 2004 I worked at the Watkinson School in Hartford, CT. A co-ed independent school for grades 6-12th, the school's mission is to help students shape their lives and the world around them. In doing so, students (and staff) are encouraged to pursue their passions. At Watkinson I worked as the 9th grade infusion teacher in which I partnered with the 9th grade teachers to help them develop better teaching practice and met with individual students to help them develop better learning practice. In essence I served as a coach, helping people to reach their potential. I loved my time at Watkinson. For all that I gave to others, I received so much more. I doubt I could do the work that I do today if it wasn't for the people and experience at the school. Watkinson graduation is like none other I've ever attended. Part reunion, part tent revival and loads of hugs. They never have a graduation speaker, rather every member of the graduating class can have u...

In which Marvin, moved by the Spirit preaches the Gospel to a captive audience..

Having completed months of intensive training in the Evangelism Explosion class, Marvin gets commissioned with the laying on of hands and is catapulted into a lost and dying word armed with evangelical zeal. Look out world!

I finish up my time here in LA with Joe G. of Beppepodcast fame. We actually recorded a crazy podcast interview this morning. He desperately wanted to just have me on without any characters. I succumbed to his charms. I enjoy Joe's company immensely. A fellow Queer (and a tad bit odd) Quaker with Italian-American roots in the Northeast, I feel like I am with family. What impresses me about him is his integrity mixed with his humor and humanity. It comes through often in his shows. We then had a late lunch at the epicenter of West Hollywood Gaydom, The Abbey , where I shot this short film. (somehow the audio outpaced the video when the movie uploaded) Speaking of films, Esteban Rael, a USC Student Film Maker, interviewed me for his newest documentary which will be about the Ex-Gay Movement. He asks excellent questions and strives to understand why people choose to go ex-gay and how do people integrate their faith with their sexuality. If you have had an ex-gay experience (parti...

Joe G over at Beppeblog (pictured here) writes, Today is the pivotal vote within the U.S. Senate regarding the Federal-James-Dobson-Definition-of-Marriage, I mean, the Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA). For those of us from the USA, Joe provides links so that we can contact our Senators TODAY so that we can share our thoughts. Joe shares his letter to senators about the Federal Marriage Amendment . Pictured is Joe busy at work on his blog. He is hosting me for my last two days in LA. We had Ethiopian food with Daniel Gonzales last night. Ethiopian seems to be the food of choice for ex-ex-gay bloggers. That's what Christine and I had in Denver. Then I met with Mike Airhart and his partner Steve Boese at an Ethiopian restaurant in DC in February. Maybe it is the whole communal eating out of the same plate thing.

Many of you know that the Queer Action Coalition (QAC) organized two protests in front of the Love in Action / Refuge compound outside of Memphis, TN. Lance Caroll , a participant who attended the teen program last year, spoke publically about his experience. The first things I saw at the Love in Action campus were the protesters. I spent the entire summer between my junior and senior year of highschool in Memphis, against my will, at Refuge, where I underwent many forms of “therapy” that were supposed to turn me away from being gay. These so-called “therapies” included group activities where one person was singled out and made to be ashamed of very personal occurrences in their lives. I had to participate in this activity many times. Other “therapies” included isolation, where you wouldn’t be allowed to communicate—we were not even allowed to make eye contact, with any of the other participants; making the women wear skirts and makeup to help them become more feminine; and making the...

Today when President Bush announced his support of a heterosexual only marriage amendment, a bold and sinister move to use the US constitution to deny rights to citizens, he invited Alan Chambers and Randy Thomas of Exodus to the festivities. Don't they realize they are simply pawns in a political game that simply takes advantage of the ex-gay struggle? Writing for Huffington Post, Michelle Goldberg insightfully exposes the exploitation of ex-gay ministries for political gain. By inviting Chambers, Exodus's president, and Thomas, its director of membership, to the White House, Bush is at least implicitly endorsing the ex-gay movement. This is of a piece with the administration's continuing embrace of pseudo-science and its frequent attempts to elevate the institutions of the religious right to places of public authority. In a sense, Bush needs the ex-gay movement, because it provides a veneer of moral justification for his new anti-gay marriage push -- the refusal to offe...

Photo of the stage where I performed this weekend--Michael Kearn's Space at Fountain's End Tonya wrote a recent comment on this blog: All the suffering you endured trying to be straight has been rewarded with you getting to travel to great places to tell your story. And, you get to meet all these wonderful people that you talk about on your blog. Well said and here are more photos of wonderful people, places (and meals)! Blogger makes it nearly impossible to properly label photos, but here goes. Bob Cook (beige shirt), my host while I stayed in Encino (with the pool and killer views) joined me for lunch at the Californian Vegan Restaurant. And moving so quickly in the Spirit that he cannot be filmed is Anthony Caruso of He Loves You Ministries . Here are some of the lovely women I met at the first anniversary party of The Space. Great gathering (but I can't remember anyone's names except for Gina, the blond woman pictured alone who has a great upcoming show about a 11...

Some of the guys from the Gay Christian Network met up for lunch on the Santa Monica pier. We then took in some of the street performers. Inspired by Tonya and her original videos, this is my first shot at taking and uploading some of my own. I love seeing other performers do their thing. Eliah played the Chapman Stick, an amazing instrument that exuded such warmth and sexy charm. Now THAT is a Chia Pet ! Here musician Rahi High sings and plays one of his original compositions. When he finished he exhorted us that if we like original independent music, then we need to stop buying the corporate stuff and support indie performers. I took this shot espeically for Marvin , who has a thing for palm trees. Dave, Steve and Me on the Pier Santa Monica Beach on the HOTTEST day of the year. Here is my favorite street performer of the day. Shame he wouldn't stop long enough for me to get his name.