Peterson Toscano's A Musing

I arrived safe and sound in Barcelona and will be part of a press conference today about our upcoming conference: Teràpies reparatives per l’homosexualitat Perquè existeixen i quins perills representen or in English Gay to Straight Therapies --The reasons they exist and their potential harm. Already I met three ex-gay survivors in Catonia who have shared their stories with me. One has agreed to come forward at the press conference and at Friday´s conference to talk about his experiences of 10 years of reparative therapy. We met for dinner last night, and I experienced a certain kinship with these other ex-gay survivors both because of the similar route we had taken and some similar negative consequences we now deal with including physical problems like back pain, skin conditions, etc. We can´t say for certain that there exists a direct correlation between our physical ailments and our ex-gay experiences, but many startd up when we began to pursue ex-gay treatment. For me my lower back ...

The US-based ex-gay movement has attempted to make inroads into Spain and Latin America in the past. Exodus Global Alliance (then just Exodus International) sent Jose Luis Maccarone as an ex-gay missionary to Spain. He eventually came out and tells some of his story in this YouTube video . At the end of 2007 a news story hit about a priest doing ex-gay therapy in Galicia, Spain. Just yesterday I also read about ex-gay movement afoot in Mexico . Beyond Ex-Gay working with other LGBT-affirming organizations in Catalonia, Spain has organized a conference at the University of Barcelona on May 30, 2008. Teràpies reparatives per l’homosexualitat Gay to Straight Therapies Perquè existeixen i quins perills impliquen The reasons they exist and their potential harm This conference will consider the phenomenon of gay reparative therapies, discredited treatment plans that attempt to alter a homosexual orientation and identity. Presenters will explore the various types of treatments that have been...

The Advocate magazine published long article about ex-gays and ex-gay survivors and the changing landscape of the ex-gay movement. They quote quite a lot of people including Christine Bakke and me. (They often overlook the lesbians, so I am so glad they gave her plenty of space to share). For more than a year, the website BeyondExGay.com has been a virtual gathering point for ex-gay survivors, many of whom now picket ex-gay ministries events and conferences and attempt to share their stories with attendees. Beyond Ex-Gay also holds conferences of its own. “Our primary goal is being a support group for ex-gay survivors,” says Toscano. Like Christine Bakke, who runs the group with him, he attended ex-gay ministries for years before finally accepting his gayness. “Our secondary goal,” Toscano adds, “is to talk about the harm of reparative therapy” -- therapy meant to de-gay you --“in ex-gay ministries.” The reporter, Tim Murphy, spent time getting to ...

Tonight on Canada's Global Television Cure for Love , a documentary about the Ex-Gay Movement will air. Cure For Love is a new documentary about the " ex-gay " movement - a religious network whose goal is to help their members renounce homosexuality. The ex-gay movement now encompasses 120 ministries in the US and Canada and is active in 56 countries world wide. The film follows two men who have experienced the ex-gay movement in different ways. One gets married, though he admits he is still attracted to men, and another struggles to embrace his homosexuality. The film premieres on Global Television, at 7pm Saturday April 12 . With startling honesty, the men tell their stories of struggle to reconcile their sexual orientation with their Christian values. At least one ex-gay survivor I met through Beyond Ex-Gay and this blog will be featured in the film. The Canadian crew also attended the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in Irvine, CA this past summer. The picture above shows...

Trailer as in movie trailer--no, we did not hold our conference in double-wide metal box (no offense to trailer dwellers). Brian Murphy who created the short film (approx. 15 min) about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference, has just released a much shorter version that he posted on YouTube. So for those with short attention spans, slow internet downloads or just too busy for the whole 15 minutes, you can get a sense of the conference in under three minutes. Thanks Brian! You can view the complete version here .

Brian Murphy , a filmmaker and one of the Soulforce Equality Riders attended the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference this summer in Irvine, CA. He shot video and put together a great short film. Most moving for me is the portion where he films the Chalk Talk where we write our ex-gay experiences, both the good and the bad. Also the film highlights the stories of more ex-gay survivors, some speaking publicly for the first time. The link for the film is here or just click on it above. In other multi-media news, Daniel Gonzales just posted set of videos in an excellent and insightful series where Jim Burroway talks about his visit to Focus on the Family's Love Won Out conference. Check it out here .

Art by Quakers fills my life today. Some months ago Robert Batson, a member of Hartford Friends Meeting (aka Quaker), exhibited some of his work at the meeting house. The art captured my attention, and I purchased piece. Today I brought home the 18"x24" Untitled painting by Robert. I love the colors and the use of space and the emotions, some contrary, that piece expresses to me. (click on it for larger view) Then after meeting we had our monthly potluck lunch where I met a visitor, a retired high school art teacher. Sadly I did not catch his name, but he offered to draw something on my journal cover. He created this dove. Finally while sitting with Jamie Taylor, a Friend from meeting, we chatted about literature and art (and a thousand other things. A PhD candidate doing research in public policy and homelessness, Jamie embraces many interests--poetry, meditation, social justice issues, dynamics of relationships, etc. So we converse broadly) As we talked about art and the s...

We have been getting some great e-mails from people who attended the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. Also, lots of folks have been blogging about their experiences. Check out the BeyondExGay.com Conference Reflections page here . Also, if you blogged about your experience and reflections on the conference, let us know. If you don't blog (wait, there are people who don't blog???), send an e-mail to bxg @ beyondexgay.com

Over at her blog Christine responds to snarky comments Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, left over at Shawn O'Donnell's blog. Shawn wrote about the moving experience he had at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference, The most emotional part of the weekend was a chalk talk we did... where people shared their emotions about their ex-gay experiences on this huge sheet of paper. The entire ceremony was done in silence. It gave me the chills. I don't believe there was a dry eye. I felt like I was at the Veteran Memorial or the Holocaust museum. To which Alan lashes out, Harm? Come on, Shawn. No one is being harmed by Exodus offering people a choice. You KNOW better. Christine digs into this choice that Alan offers, Now, about the "choice" issue. What choice are they offering? Is it the choice between being kicked out of your church, or being loved as "the struggler?" Is it the choice between a relationships with parents who believe we can and s...

Christine Bakke posted a blog entry today about some of the events that took place on Sunday during the optional activities for the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. The big question we had was, What do we do with the Chalk Talk??? We created such a powerful group statement that we couldn't just throw away. Having documented it through the pictures and videos we took, Christine and Pat Walsh and others came up with a beautiful idea of what to do with it. See for yourself. Daniel Gonzales took loads of video during the conference and asked people to talk about change. Did they feel they did change while they were ex-gay? What was that like? He has these posted over at Box Turtle Bulletin. Here is video of my friend Scott who also attended Love in Action. And here is video of Ron, who used to be a Love in Action house leader. You can see more here . And earlier in the week Daniel asked a few of us the same question.

On the blogs and in the media folks are still wrapping their heads around the many ex-gay and ex-ex-gay events that took place last week. Many of these events were organized by Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg) and Soulforce , the most notable being the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference , the public apology by three former Exodus leaders and a private dinner attended by three people from Exodus and four ex-gay survivors. Those of us involved in planning the events of last week are still catching our breath from it all. After nearly a year of planning, it felt stunning to see our dreams and thoughts come to life. Christine and I (with tons of help from our friend Steve Boese) launched bXg in April. Shortly after that we announced the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference that we co-hosted with Soulforce and the LGBT Resource Center at UC Irvine. Anyone who has spent any time looking at the bXg site can get an idea of what Christine and I are about and what some of our goals are. There we post narratives of fellow...

Many people have written to me about how meaningful the Chalk Talk experience was for them this weekend at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . The folks at Soulforce displayed some photos on their site that I have posted here as well. The Chalk Talk provides participants an opportunity to engage in a group discourse through writing and drawing. The facilitator ( Jallen Rix and me in this case) provides a large blank writing space (white board or sheets of paper), plenty of markers and enough room for people to move around so they can write and see. The activity is conducted in silence. The idea comes directly from my work as a CFG Coach and my training with the National School Reform Faculty . CFG coaches provide ways for teachers to improve their teaching practice through peer professional development facilitated through the use of various protocols. The Chalk Talk is one such protocol. They have many others --may favorites being the text-based protocols and the Future Protocol. As a ...

It has been a whirlwind! Do a Google News search on ex-gay and you get scores of article written in the past week. We had the LA Times article which announced that Alan Chambers doesn't believe anyone truly changes their orientation. Then all the fallout from that by folks who disagreed. Then we had the big news with a press conference sponsored by Beyond Ex-Gay and Soulforce where three former Exodus leaders came forward to issue a public apology . That story got picked up by the LA Times, the Associated Press, CNN, tons of bloggers and papers all over the globe. Then we saw some ex-gay survivors inviting Exodus leaders to dinner with some of them coming to listen . Then we had the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference with a powerful Chalk Talk , interactive workshops and some powerful healing and networking. You can see photos here . Then after some spectulation Morgan Fox at the QAC confirmed that after two years of activism the Love in Action Refuge program (for participants und...

Some of you know that Christine Bakke and I sent out an invitation to Exodus leaders to have dinner with some ex-gay survivors. The dinner happened last night and was sponsored by Beyond Ex-Gay and Soulforce . Here is a copy of the invitation. I have received several messages from people wanting to know: Did you have a meeting with Exodus leaders last night? Did they accept your invitation? What happened???? Christine and I told the three Exodus leaders present for our dinner last night here in Irvine, CA that we would not blog about the details or even mention their names. If they wish to blog about it, that is fine and welcome, but not necessary. In seeking dialog we need to develop trust and know that every word we say will not end up out on the web. Three leaders of Exodus member ministries joined four of us ex-gay survivors for dinner. No one from Exodus International senior leadership or from the Exodus board attended the dinner, and those present for the dinner stressed that ...

Last night waiting at the elevator here in the hotel a woman ,also waiting, looked at me. I looked at her. We recognized each other although we had never met. But we somehow knew we were in Irvine for the same thing. She ran over to me, hugged me and told me her story. She was looking for something on Google a week ago and found bXg and the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . She said to herself, "I need to be there". And here she is all the way from Texas. She told a tale of parents and siblings who constantly tortured her because she is lesbian and that she can't stand suppressing her sexuality any longer. She has cried everyday since Mother's Day and she says she is ready for healing. Although the conference doesn't officially kick off until tonight, people are arriving. I met Anthony Venn Brown from Australia. Jeremy Marks is here from England. Folks from Colorado and Florida and New York. Although the fortune telling arm of Focus on the Family yesterday prophesi...

The schedule for the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference is now up! I am so excited about so many of the activities, especially the film forum (where we will have a very special announcement to make). Steve Boese, our web master, has been working very hard to keep the conference page updated with the latest news and links to media and blogs. He just posted a the response Christine Bakke and I have to an erroneous Focus on the Family Citizenlink article about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. Focus wrote: Exodus Conference Offers Hope to Hundreds The 32nd annual Exodus International conference is underway in Irvine, Calif., and God is at work. "We've already seen an amazing turnout, amazing response, amazing speakers," said Randy Thomas, executive vice president of Exodus. "The Lord has really done a great work so far in the conference." The meeting, which began Tuesday and wraps up Sunday, has drawn close to 1,000...

Today in LA three former Exodus leaders publicly apologized for their involvement in the ex-gay movement. Darlene Bogle, Michael Bussee and Jeremy Marks each shared their own personal statements and then Michael read out the shared statement. They signed the apology and presented it to ex-gay survivors who were present at the press conference. Statement of Apology from Former Exodus Leaders Issued by Darlene Bogle , Michael Bussee , and Jeremy Marks June 27, 2007 As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong withvbeing gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acted in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth w...

The Colorado Confidential paper published a great two part interview with Christine Bakke, the fabulous co-founder of BeyondExGay.com (bXg). The article goes through some of her own personal history as an ex-gay, but more importantly her process of coming out of the ex-gay movement, moving beyond the hurt and the silence to becoming a national presence as a lesbian ex-gay survivor. Part One and Part Two Steve Boese, the web master extrodinaire over at bXg put out a call to bXgers to share what the conference means to them. We have begun to get some powerful responses which Steve has begun to post. David F. from Dallas writes, I found out about the conference only last week, and immediately booked it. I spent 8 years in ex-gay ministries, reparative therapy, and aversion therapy and finally left after a suicide attempt. My involvement in these groups has affected every area of my life, from my belief in God to my ability to create trusting friendships and relationships. I have com...

Many believe that only people living in the rural South in the USA have tried to change or suppress their attractions for people of the same sex. They also believe that in order to do so, people enrolled (or were forced to attend) treatment camps at some undisclosed location. In my quest to straighten myself out I did ultimately end up at a residential center on a farm right outside of Memphis, TN. But before that I spent the vast majority of my ex-gay life in New York going anywhere I could to find the elusive cure to my gayness. In my mind I simply desired to stop sinning in body and in mind. There never was a shortage of ministers out there who tried to help me. Most of those who attempted to fix me were not officially part of the Ex-gay Movement. In fact, I imagine that the vast majority of people who attempt to change or suppress their sexuality do so without the assistance of Exodus, NARTH, JONAH, Courage, Evergreen or any of the other ex-gay groups out there. Most people do it o...

Yesterday Exodus issued their reaction to the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . Focus on the Family's Citizen Link Daily Update refers to our conference and states. Just a mile down the road, gay activists, co-sponsored by the University of California - Irvine, have scheduled a counter-conference at which some people will claim they were hurt by ex-gay organizations. Exodus Executive Vice President Randy Thomas weighs in, "We live in a great country where people can have freedom of assembly," he said. Unfortunately, the organizers of the counter-conference will "try to project their experience onto all of us, when in fact thousands of people, myself included, have overcome homosexuality." In casting us as protesters and minimizing the scope of the organizers to a local group in Irvine, CA, Exodus not only knowingly misinforms people, they also miss the point. Sponsored by Soulforce , BeyondExGay.com as well as the LGBT Resource Center at the University of California...