Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Over at the FAQ page of Beyond Ex-Gay we have the question, What is an Ex-Gay Experience? with the answer: It can be as simple as gay guys trying their hand at football and lesbians sitting in on a Mary Kay Makeup makeover to something as serious and severe as electroshock therapy. The idea is to find change from unwanted same-sex desires and gender differences. In some cases the experience is religious-based, but not always. It can also be done within a group, in one-on-one sessions or solo. An ex-gay experience seeks to change desire, behavior and/or gender presentation. People have tried multiple methods including counseling (with a trained counselor or pastoral counseling with a minister) attendance in an ex-gay support group or a residential program dating (or marrying) someone of the opposite sex in hopes of experiencing change in desire dressing and acting according to the gender normative standards in one’s society reading books and narratives by people who say ...

Nearly every day straight women visit my blog after putting in a search like, "my husband is gay" or something similar. In November of 2006 Susanne shared some of her story and since then other women (and men) have also read about Susanne's marriage and her gay husband. These have also shared some of their own stories. Earlier a woman left the following comment. Betrayal by my husband of 28 years is devastating. He hid his gay life for years... He lied over and over and over. And put my health/life at risk. I am hurt to the core and don't know how to get through this and ever trust and love again... How do you get over the feelings of hurt, rage, anger, sorrow, inadequacy, disgust, sadness, etc.? Please feel free to go to the blog entry and add your own supportive comments, words of comfort and maybe share some of your own experience as a straight spouse or just someone who cares. Often when these women first find out, they struggle to share with anyone in their l...

One of the number one key word searches that bring people to both my English and Spanish blogs has to do with questions from women who want/need to know what to do when they find out their husbands are gay. That or simply the question, How do I know if my husband is gay? Is my husband a homosexual? I have a blog entry, My Gay Husband—A Spouse Speaks Out , (and a similar one in Spanish ) which is my most visited entry. Women have added their own stories and questions in the comments section. Yesterday I received another comment that I want to share. Wives with similar experiences, feel free to offer whatever support you can over at the original thread . I feel at a loss as to what to say, but I have seen you comfort and support each other in marvelous ways. Thank goodness I found this site. I have been married 38 years and I have asked my husband if he is gay or bi but he always said no. Two days ago I found out that he is and it explains so much. Of course I feel betrayed, that our ...

In the Love in Action ex-gay residentatl program, Friday night was movie night. Yeah, we got to see one movie a week in the form of a video (they didn't have a DVD—it was over 10 years ago). In the following YouTube video I reveal the secrets behind watching films in the Big House. Find out what's in, what's out, and why Biblical films were banned! Ex-Gay Watch posted this VERY FUNNY music video that finally explains how it is that "the gays" are destroying marriage. And I posted this before, but here is the entertaining trailer for the film, Chasing the Devil: Inside the Ex-Gay Movement . The man talking about zebras with the cat trying to steal the shot is my father.

My buds in Sweden, Alex and Noa Resare, have a story worth telling. Theirs is a story of love against all odds and the creativity of God. You can read some of Alex's story over at bXg and his blog. Recently a regional publication in the city where they live, ran an extensive article about them and their lives as a gay couple with one of the men being trans. Although lots of Americans have this idea that Sweden is light-years ahead of us in regards to LGBT issues, folks still need lots of education. I believe Alex is the first trans person the reporter met. Here is the opening of the article: Trots att paret Resare lever trogna sin kärlek och har varit gifta i åtta år, sedan de var 20–21 år, har de fått lämna sitt samfund och rent juridiskt ta ut skilsmässa. Orsaken är att Olivia genomgått könskorrigering och nu heter Alex. Före könskorrigeringen gick all energi åt till att hålla tillbaka den han kände han var. – Min Gudsbild och självbild ledde till självförakt, nu ser och uppskat...

Here at this blog I have featured the stories of women married to men who tried to live straight lives, but ultimately could not. The stories and the comments left by others, some just trying to come to grips with their husbands' sexuality, sadden me and move me. The most common key words in search engines that bring people to this sight have to do with questions like, How do I know if my husband is gay? In the post My Gay Husband--A Spouse Speaks Out , Susanne tells some of her story. Just today a women left the following comment. I've been married for 15 yrs. to a caring man. However, he's always had a low sex drive, not ED but more like avoiding sex. He watches movies late at night and goes to bed after me. I've tried many times to approach him on this, but always comes up with an excuse, like we just had sex last week, in reality it could be a couple of months ago, or he says well you fell asleep before me. He vowes that he loves me and does alot of kind things fo...

Barbara Leavitt, a woman married for over 20 years to a man who no matter what he tried could not change the fact that he is oriented to romance and attraction to men, has recently begun to speak out and tell her story. Without bitterness towards her ex-gay husband, in fact, with great compassion and understanding, Barbara has told her story over on Beyond Ex-Gay , in video presentations and at press conferences. Here is video of a recent press conference organized by Truth Wins Out in Tampa, FL in response to the Family Impact Summit, a gathering Christian leaders who went out of their way to spread falsehoods about LGBT people. They also promoted ex-gay conversion therapies and ministries. Thank you Barbara for stepping up and telling your story.

Barbara Leavitt is a straight woman who married her husband over two decades ago in a Mormon Temple (Latter Day Saints--LDS). They spoke the other day outside of Evergreen International, an ex-gay program in Salt Lake City. Lester turned to Evergreen for help for his same-sex attractions. The Salt Lake Tribune published a piece about Barbara and Lester. When she married her husband Lester in a 1981 LDS temple wedding, Barbara Leavitt had big plans. "I was going to be the best wife ever," she said this week with a small, rueful laugh. But Barbara always knew there was a part of Lester she'd never reach, some secret, private place filled with thoughts and feelings he'd never share. In 2006, after 25 years of marriage, it all came out - or rather, Lester did. For most of his life, Lester struggled with his attraction to other men, avidly seeking help and reading literature from organizations that claimed to help gay people become heterosexual or to help weaken attrac...

Yesterday I wrote about Barbara and Lester Leavitt and their press conference outside of the Latter Day Saint's program Evergreen ex-gay program. In addition to telling their stories, the Leavitt showed up to give the Evergreen leadership specially designed collages of the Leavitt's ex-gay survivor narratives. Christine Bakke has spent hours creating beautiful and expressive collages about our lives as survivors. We each provide Christine with photos, journal entries, poems, scripture, etc and see soaks it all in then creates the piece. (You can see mine here ) It takes her four to six hours to design, sometimes longer. As she builds the piece, she absorbs the hopes, the pain, the disappointments of the survivors. Much like our Chalk Talk at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference , the creation of the collages is a meditation on the ex-gay experience--the good and the harm. For Barbara and Lester, Christine created two collages that dramatically demonstrate the breaking apart of...

Over at my Spanish blog, Dos Equis, I have a post entitled ¿Como Identificar si mi pareja es homosexual? which is similar to the English post What About the Spouse? The Spanish site Adriana and I maintain got so many hits due to search results about gay and lesbian spouses that we decided to write about it in Spanish. Today I received the following comment: Sí encontré este blog por el título de este post. Tengo serias dudas sobre mi esposo, y esperaba encontrar aquí alguna respuesta que me ayude a identificar si su comportamiento tiene que ver con una orientación homosexual, pero de eso, nada. Ya que te encuentras en esa situación, quizá puedas darnos algunos tips para aquellas que somos lastimadas por el engaño de un hombre que no se resigna a reconocer su inclinación, lo cual es muy injusto para la mujer. Gracias. I found this blog through the title of this post. I have serious doubts about my husband, and I hope to find some answer that can help me determine if the way he acts m...