Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Some of you may shudder when you see or hear the words Emotionally Dependent Relationships . This is especially true if you attended an ex-gay program that warned against the perils of emotional dependency. Today I received a voice mail from a friend who attended Love in Action with me over ten years ago. Just the other day when we spoke on the phone he sounded chipper with a wonderful attitude about himself and life in general, but on the recorded message his voice sounded desperate. If I hadn't understand the words in his message correctly, I would have inferred from his tone of voice that he had spent the night strung out on crack cocaine engaging in multiple unprotected sexual encounters. He sounded defeated and demoralized. What terrorized him? It wasn't a "sexual fall," as we called it back at Love in Action. No, he encountered the specter of emotionally dependent relationships. Now this is a guy who has not really had sex with another guy in his whole life. ...

Doug, one of my hosts here in Portland, jokingly confessed that he assumed I would spend my spare week here in his place in silent meditation filling his home with a mystical holy aroma, as if I were a plug-in spiritual fragrance--a Glad™ Prayer Freshener . Well, I do my part, but I can't take credit for the wafting up of any sacred scents. Yesterday Doug, his husband Bruce, and I went to West Hills Friends Church. This is a semi-programmed Quaker church. Unlike my normal Quaker meeting, this one has leaders who give sermons, lead songs, say prayers and do Bible readings. Lots more bells and whistles than I normally go for, but a great service all the same. They had about 20 minutes of silence, which I confess was my favorite part. I'm unprogrammed that way, but I can see the value of a semi-programmed meeting, especially for folks who are new to Quakerism. It can be daunting to pop into a Quaker meeting where no one starts anything. We just sit down in silence with no welcome...

They say a picture speaks louder than words. So here are three photos of where I am staying this weekend in Colorado. Sweet! The air is crisp, clear and fresh. The Colorado regional meeting of Friends (Quaker) brought me out to Colorado to deliver a keynote address about inclusion. I will also lead an interest group and help facilitate a session with the teens. Traveling in the ministry (which is technically what I am doing since I received my travel minute ) becomes a dicey thing for me. For one I am a comic and a theatrical performance artist. I work from a script most times. Among unprogrammed Quakers I have gotten the impression that Friends value it when a speaker does not spend too much in preparation before giving a message. How often I hear people praise speakers who go to the podium without any notes. The message I hear inferred is that one needs to wait on the Spirit/Light and be led in what one says. Too much preparation may limit the intent of the Spirit. As a result, when...

I mentioned in my previous post that I have begun to work on some new projects. One of these is fixing up my cottage that is located in the New York State Catskills nestled in the hills of Sullivan County. About two years ago I got some land with the cottage on it. Lovely little building that used to sit on the nearby lake but over 70 years ago before someone relocated it up the hill and settled it on the property that I now own. The cottage sits on a grassy ridge overlooking a meadow. All together I have two acres of land. Although a nice looking structure, years of neglect left it desperately in need of a new roof, some other structural work and major clean-up. The floors sag from rot. In other words it is not yet ready for habitation. But last week workers finished the roof, so it will no longer leak, and I can begin to get to work on the interior. My plans include keeping it simple. A wood stove for the heating system. A composting toilet . Some solar panels to help with the elec...

I shared the other day how Christine Bakke , Daniel Gonzales and I went to New Life Church in Colorado Springs to share some of our stories as ex-gay survivors. You can read about the event here and see our collages designed by Christine. Below is some video where we tell some of our stories and why we went to New Life. Part One Part Two Why Go to New Life Church? Earlier today I called and left a message for the pastor who asked me to contact him. I look forward to chatting with him.

Jose Luis Maccarone lived as an ex-gay for over 10 years. I first met him during my time at Love in Action when he came for a visit to the US to share his testimony around the country. In 2000 he moved from his home country of Argentina to Madrid, Spain and become Exodus Interational's first missionary. After serving as an ex-gay missionary for a few years, he came out gay. Last week Jose Luis and I spent a day together, and he wanted to tell some of his story. In this series of videos, Jose Luis shares some of his ex-gay survivor narrative, what it was like to live as an ex-gay, the good and the bad that came of his experience, his recovery and a message to his former clients. Jose Luis shares some of the reasons why he became ex-gay. In this video Jose Luis talks about life as an Exodus leader and missionary What good, if any came of your ex-gay experiences and how were you harmed? Jose Luis talks about his recovery from the ex-gay movement and speaks to the people who he had min...

Tonight in Portland (PDX) I got to revisit SMYRC , the Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center. A youth center started by youth some years back, it is a safe space for LGBTQ youth to hang out, play video games, enjoy Dance Dance Revolution, do hair, work on theater, and just be with friends and caring adult volunteers. They do a GREAT job at keeping the young people safe with very clear guidelines about appropriate, respectful, acceptable behavior. The room filled this evening with all sorts of Queers--goth, butch, fem, genderqueer, latino, Black, bisexuals, questioning, transgender and whatever. When I attend the True Colors Conference each year, I hear folks in my generation (Generation X) say how they wish they had something like this when they were growing up, it would have made all the difference. Yeah, I tend to agree. If I had SMYRC growing up, I think I would have found myself so much sooner and would have saved myself and others years of turmoil and heartache. Last January I p...

The workshop that Momma and I presented on Saturday was a HUGE success. (nearly as huge as the news I get to share with all y'all next week ;-) Loads of people packed the theater--all sorts of folks--young old, queer, straight. our theme was spirituality and sexuality, particularly being queer and being spiritual. These two usually diverge. Much of my life I assumed I could not have my God and my queerness too. I had to choose between one or the other like a child in the midst of a bitter custody battle. Each side smeared the other and often with plenty of evidence to back the claims. At a recent presentation in North Carolina, an audience member remarked in the after-show feedback form the organizers provided, After all the damage the Church has done and still does to LGBT people, how could anyone in their right mind choose to be gay and Christian? I understand the sentiment. Worthie (Momma) and I spoke about this throughout the weekend. So many queer folks we meet who once had a...