Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Christine and I get lots of messages every week through Beyond Ex-Gay . Most come from people looking for answers or to connect or to share their stories. Some want to thank one of the many people who have shared their stories through narratives or art work . Last week we received a message for ex-gay survivor Darlene Bogle . Many have written in before to express gratitude to Darlene for both stepping up to tell her story and for also coming forward to issue a public apology for her previous role as an Exodus ex-gay leader, one who firmly promoted and provided ex-gay ministry before she found a better way. This message we received and came from another former Exodus leader, Anthony Falzarano, who still promotes an ex-gay agenda. His message shocked us so much we wondered if we should even share it with Darlene. But she is a strong and thoughtful woman, and from getting to know her this past year we felt she would like to see it, so we forwarded the message. Darlene decided she wan...

This Thursday, in a conference call open to the public, Darlene Bogle and Christine Bakke will share their experiences as lesbians in the Ex-Gay Movement. For a while I have been considering how the Ex-Gay Movement is an anti-fem movement. Most of the participants in it are male with curriculum and treatment plans geared towards "male issues." Many of the men involved have felt the need to "change" after years of taunting for being sissies. They learned both on the playground and from the pulpit that the world does not value feminized men. The cornerstone teaching of nearly every ex-gay program takes a swipe at women while also reinforcing the belief that women must be subservient to men. What makes a boy gay? According to most of these ex-gay providers and proponents gay boys are a bi-product of an "overbearing mother." This false teaching infers that once a woman usurps a man's authority and no longer remains submissive, this transgressive act alters...

Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out spent last week in Asheville, NC with a group of citizens concerned about Exodus International and the annual convention that pulled into town. Read Wayne's overview of the week and his insightful and appropriately cutting commentary on the events and especially of the words spoken by Exodus leaders and guests. See Exodus: A 'Loving' Call to Battle . Battle indeed. Exodus and the Evangelical Protestant Church (and other churches) insist that gays, lesbians as well as bisexuals and transgender people, go to war against themselves. According to one eye-witness. The closing ceremonies included a clear call to those amassed during the ex-gay jamboree: Life after Exodus means lopping off whole parts of yourself--your wardrobe, relationships with other LGBT people (of course including partners), quitting jobs if need be, making critical and what will no doubt be regrettable decisions all for the sake of following Exodus leaders' and supporters...

Recently over at Beyond Ex-Gay Christine and I posted three narratives of ex-gay survivors from around the world. One is from the US, another from South Africa, and the third is someone I met here in Malta. Each person has had different experiences, which reveals some of the diversity of ex-gay experiences. Also each one reacted and responded differently. Each narrative deserves attention from ex-gay leaders and those who promote ex-gay ministries and reparative therapy as well as from those of us concerned about the impact of these initiatives to alter someone's sexuality, especially when it is done in the name of religion. Many of those who partake in these ex-gay efforts suffer silently for years. In the promotional material and the testimonies offered by groups like NARTH, Exodus and others, we only hear part of the story. The reality is that the vast majority of people who attempt to go ex-gay find it is not realistic or necessary. In coming to those conclusions many realize ...

In his latest video, replete with an appropriate cuckoo clock sound effect, Daniel Gonzales took on the anti-gay, pro-ex-gay campaign, inaccurately titled, The Day of Truth . By the end of Daniel's video, I think you will agree that "Day of Truth" misleads and misinforms on the facts about people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. The Day of Truth people can't even come up with 30 seconds of truth. How do they think they will actually fill up a whole day of truth?

Randy Thomas, the executive vice president of Exodus and an ex-gay yesterday answered some questions about transgender children for Focus on the Family's CitizensLink on-line newsletter . Throughout the article I see evidence of confusion, misinformation and downright fear. Hearkening back to the 50's and 60's Thomas laments, With my parents' generation — the boomers and older — there were deeply taught gender roles, but that started breaking down with Gen X. Now people don’t know how to teach being a male or a female to younger males or younger females. His answers quickly turn to highlighting lavender scare of gay activists in the school system and the fears he has of the consequence of letting young people decide for themselves if they are a boy or a girl, The schools are being co-opted by a worldview that is undermining a child’s ability to learn how to be a responsible citizen, and they are going to create chaos. Teenagers are confused enough about their identity; ...

Last week I blogged about Alan Chambers and his announcement that Exodus was moving away from politics. Through Ex-Gay Watch Alan Chambers asserted that after listening to friends and critics alike — but mostly the Lord — we decided to back out of policy issues and our Director of Government Affairs took a position with another organization. Today David Roberts at Ex-Gay Watch reports that Exodus continues to maintain ties with a politically active conservative group. After XGW discovered information indicating that Exodus International is a member of the prominent religious conservative political organization, The Arlington Group (AG), we asked President Alan Chambers to respond on the record. He replied that Exodus was indeed a member, and they planned on maintaining that membership. Publicly Alan stated that he was willing to take a leap of faith. He suggested that the Lord was behind this decision to back out of policy issues. The author of James asks the critical question, But...

I keep having to remind myself that it is not even a full year since Christine Bakke and I launched Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg) and the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement . That was in April of 2007 after an all night crazy session where we posted nearly 30 pages of content in eight hours. Now we have over 120 pages of content with loads of narratives, art work, articles and resources. Soon we will have a recap of what happened in Memphis with photos, video and more. After the launch of bXg, we partnered with Soulforce and UC Irvine's LGBT resource center to organize the first ever Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in Irvine, CA. By choosing to have it in the same city and the same week as Exodus' annual conference, we saw the beginnings of a deeper sharing that previously had not taken place between ex-gay leaders and ex-gay survivors. By telling our stories through art, in the media, over dinner , in a chalk talk, apologies , through video and written narratives, our message has been that for man...

Via Victoria Lavin at Daily Queer News (which you can subscribe to by e-mailing dailyqueernews (at) myway.com) I found out about a great Orange County/Long Beach, CA Blade interview with ex-gay Survivor Eric Leocadio (who is also featured here at Beyond Ex-Gay ) Long Beach blogger Eric Leocadio learned to reconcile his strong Christian faith and his sexuality. He now uses his website, Two World Collision, to share his story with others. For nearly 14 years, a young Christian prayed his attraction to men would disappear. When his faith was strong, he trusted God to provide him with a wife and the desire for her. When his faith faltered, he tried to kill himself. Now comfortable with his faith and sexuality, Eric Leocadio shares his ongoing story on his Web site, Two World Collision . Leocadio spoke with the Blade about his personal saga. Blade: Tell us about your experience in the ex-gay movement. Leocadio: I went through ex-gay programs. I was part of Desert Stream Ministries in a pro...

Truth Wins Out posted three great new videos with individuals speaking about the ex-gay movement and their personal experiences. The one that moved me the most features Susan Stanskas, a parent of a gay man who, discusses how ‘ex-gay’ organizations divide families - in the name of family values - and even cause some gay teenagers to commit suicide. In this video, she urges parents to accept their gay and lesbian children and warns about the harm done by rejecting them. “Would you rather have a gay child, or a dead child?” she poignantly asks. Clint Trout, who spent 13 years as an ex-gay, shares some of the outrageous things he did in order to get "healed" from being gay and also talked about the teachings he received that blamed his parents for his same-sex attractions. He also talks about life post-ex-gay and the clearness and fullness he has found since he left Exodus ministries and embraced the reality of who he is.

Change is Possible! For years that's been the major slogan of the ex-gay organization Exodus. Of course for people weighed down with the expectation that they must be straight at any cost, the vague promise of change lured them to seek a cure from being gay. Once in the doors, they learned that an actual change in orientation was not a realistic goal for most, yet leaders dangled other vague promises before desperately hopeful strugglers. "If you stick with it, you will find that some of your same-sex attractions will actually diminish just like they did for me." (statement replete with photo of ex-gay leader accessorized with wife and some children). People should feel free to live the lives they desire. If someone who experiences primarily same-sex attractions wishes to explore a heterosexual life, no one should hold them back. But if "growing into" that life requires years of counseling, weekly support groups, hundreds of hours of prayer, annual conferences...

Jim Burroway and Daniel Gonzales over at Box Turtle Bulletin posted two new videos about the Focus on the Family Love Won Out Conference and specifically messages by ex-gays Mike Haley and Alan Chambers. Mike Haley-- The Hope for Marriage Alan Chambers--I Live a Life of Denial If you are in the mood for some fabulous logic (with a sprinkling of sparkling humor) around gay sex, "the gay lifestyle" and so many of the arguments that anti-gay people throw up about queer folks, check out John Corvino 's newly released extended trailer of the DVD What's Morally Wrong with Homosexuality . And the following video is a fun and subversive view of the terrifying heterosexual disease that infects good wholesome American queer families. Remember anyone, anyone can be a heterosexual. It's but so sad too. Shame No More directed by John Krokidas.

Last week I posted a blog entry outlining the various types of harm ex-gay survivors may experience. In Ex-Gay Harm--Let Me Count the Ways I listed nine categories of areas where people who attempted to live ex-gay or were coerced to do so might experience harm: emotional psychological spiritual relationship financial career physical sexual developmental One commenter, John, suggested a 10th category of intellectual harm. Many people commented so far giving specific examples of how they experienced harm in one or more of the categories. Reading these accounts I imagine many people feel moved by the pain and suffering ex-gay survivors have endured and still endure. I also find it encouraging that survivors have also found ways to recover and reclaim their lives. In this post I want to address specific groups of people--Ex-Gay Survivors, Current Ex-Gays, Ex-Gay Providers, and Allies. I ask the query, But what does this mean for you? Ex-Gay Survivors Seeing the categories of harm, readi...

Last week BeyondExGay and Soulforce announced that three former ex-gay leaders from Australia publicly apologized for their roles in providing and promoting ex-gay conversion therapy. Anthony Venn-Brown, (who appears right about now on 60 Minutes in Australia), a Christian leader in Australia, shares on his blog about two other leaders who also reveal how their perspectives shifted from when they were ex-gay leaders. John Meteyard, a former Exodus Asia Pacific & Living Waters leader and former member of the International Advisory Board of Exodus, states, Whereas once I was ardent in my opinion that homosexual orientation was unquestioningly a result of the 'fall' and God's intention was therefore always to heal the same-sex attracted believer and help them to be 'whole', my position is now somewhat different. What I now believe is that being a Christian with a homosexual orientation often causes a great deal of strain and angst for those of us so affected. ...

Former ex-gay leaders in Australia have added their voices to a public apology for "the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith" caused by the message that gays and lesbians must change or suppress their sexual orientation in order to be good Christians. On June 27, 2007, Soulforce and BeyondExGay (bXg) brought together former ex-gay leaders from the U.S. and U.K. to issue a public apology for their prior involvement in providing and promoting ex-gay conversion therapy. As part of their apology, Darlene Bogle, Michael Bussee, and Jeremy Marks appealed to other former ex-gay leaders to join the healing and reconciliation process by adding their names to the apology. Inspired by this historic statement, Vonnie Pitts, Wendy Lawson, and Kim Brett--all former leaders of Australian ex-gay ministries--have come forward to confirm with their American and British counterparts that ex-gay ministries cause more harm than good. Pictures and complete text of the Australian leaders...

Some of you know that a German TV crew trailed me for about a month filming me in my home, in NYC, at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference and at shows in Connecticut and California. Michael Heussen, the TV correspondent from ARD TV saw the film, But I'm a Cheerleader , a few years back and had been fascinated by the ex-gay story ever since. Although I learned no German during my experience, I enjoyed getting to know Michael and the various cameramen and sound guys. Sunday night on German prime time national TV, ARD aired its piece about the ex-gay movement. In it they show bits of interviews with Alan Chambers, Michael Bussee, some folks at the Exodus conference and me (see me in my backyard among the flowers and in Times Square). You can see the 7 min + clip on-line (link on the bottom left of the page). If you do, you may be able to figure out what Geh wie ein Cowboy has to do with me.

This is the third in a three part series. Part One: What Was I After and Why? Part Two: What Happens When Change is not Possible? Part Three: Living on the Outside After I exited LIA, I lived for a short time as an ex-gay apart from being in the program. I kept accountable, denying myself daily, being careful where I went and what I thought. I took up the struggle as my daily cross to bear, believing that God would give me the strength to bear it each day, one day at a time. It was pretty much everything I did for the past 17 years, but this time with more therapy and tools at my disposal. During his talk at the recent Love Won Out Conference in Phoenix (hat tip to Jim Burroway ) Alan Chambers spoke about denial. I think you can expect a life of obedience. Matthew 16:24 talks about those who take up their cross and follow the Lord. They have to live a life of denial. And in the early days of when I started speaking and debating and doing all sorts of things related to the issue of h...

The Orange County Weekly published a long piece about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference held in Irvine, CA last month. The writer offers a stirring account of the Chalk Talk and gives survivors like Michael Bussee and Eric Leocadio a chance to tell their moving stories. The writer also visited the Exodus Conference held nearby. I am on the road typing this on my phone, so no fancy formatting or links. Here is the link to the article though www.ocweekly.com/features/features/the-closet-and-the-cross/27499/

A few weeks ago I posted video of Jose Luis Maccarone who served as a missionary to Spain in an attempt to start up an ex-gay ministry. After trying for years to be an ex-gay, living in celibacy and even giving up his career as an attorney in Argentina, he came to the conclusion that change is not possible nor is it necessary. He speaks about what it was like to be a leader for Exodus International (note: Alan Chambers wants to make it clear that although it didn't exist as such at the time, that Jose went to Spain with Exodus Global Alliance). Today he has a new message I just uploaded video of Jose sharing his story in Spanish which I have also posted at Dos Equis .

Over at her blog Christine responds to snarky comments Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, left over at Shawn O'Donnell's blog. Shawn wrote about the moving experience he had at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference, The most emotional part of the weekend was a chalk talk we did... where people shared their emotions about their ex-gay experiences on this huge sheet of paper. The entire ceremony was done in silence. It gave me the chills. I don't believe there was a dry eye. I felt like I was at the Veteran Memorial or the Holocaust museum. To which Alan lashes out, Harm? Come on, Shawn. No one is being harmed by Exodus offering people a choice. You KNOW better. Christine digs into this choice that Alan offers, Now, about the "choice" issue. What choice are they offering? Is it the choice between being kicked out of your church, or being loved as "the struggler?" Is it the choice between a relationships with parents who believe we can and s...