Peterson Toscano's A Musing

Yesterday Soulforce organized a press conference outside the headquarters of the National Association for the Research and Treatment of Homosexuality (NARTH). Three ex-gay survivors, one of them a patient of NARTH's Joseph Nicolosi, each read a statement and presented a collage that shares their ex-gay experiences and in particular the emotional, psychological and spiritual damage of reparative therapy and ex-gay ministry. Daniel Gonzales, Darlene Bogle and Shawn O'Donnell stepped up to tell their stories. Daniel over posted about it at Box Turtle Bulletin and also has video of each of the statements delivered.

Love in Action quietly closed the Refuge program. This was a nearly two-month long intensive ex-gay program for young people under the age of 18. Many of these young people attended against their will, forced by their parents who wanted to straighten out their kids. This program is closed. But Love in Action is still in business. In early May I wrote about my parents and the painful experiences they had when they attended Love in Action's Family and Friends weekend. In the post, What About the Parents? I also mentioned how Love in Action recently announced the launch of a new program-- The Family Freedom Intensive . This four day seminar targets parents of lesbian, gay and questioning youth. The Family Freedom Intensive is a concentrated four-day course designed for parents with teens struggling with same-sex attraction, pornography, and/or promiscuity. Lecture, workshops, and break-out discussion groups give parents the information and tools to defend righteousness in their home...

It has been a whirlwind! Do a Google News search on ex-gay and you get scores of article written in the past week. We had the LA Times article which announced that Alan Chambers doesn't believe anyone truly changes their orientation. Then all the fallout from that by folks who disagreed. Then we had the big news with a press conference sponsored by Beyond Ex-Gay and Soulforce where three former Exodus leaders came forward to issue a public apology . That story got picked up by the LA Times, the Associated Press, CNN, tons of bloggers and papers all over the globe. Then we saw some ex-gay survivors inviting Exodus leaders to dinner with some of them coming to listen . Then we had the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference with a powerful Chalk Talk , interactive workshops and some powerful healing and networking. You can see photos here . Then after some spectulation Morgan Fox at the QAC confirmed that after two years of activism the Love in Action Refuge program (for participants und...

This just in from the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference's Film Forum. Morgan Fox of the Queer Action Coalition screened an extended trailer of his up coming documentary film that chronicles the 2005 protests of Love in Action's Refuge program. Refuge was designed for quuer youth under 18, many of whom have been forced to attend by their parents. The protest got sparked when 16 year old Zach Stark blooged about how his parents forced him to attend Refuge's summer program. That entry created a storm of grass roots youth activism and international media attention. Tonight Morgan made a very important announcement that he included at the end of his trailer. He met with John SmidM director of LIA and confirmed that the Refuge program had been "disolved" which is a fancy way of saying that it shut down, closed, ended and is no more! As we watched Morgan's clips many of us wept. One person in attendance actually attended LIA that summer during the protests but was never abl...

Some of you know that Christine Bakke and I sent out an invitation to Exodus leaders to have dinner with some ex-gay survivors. The dinner happened last night and was sponsored by Beyond Ex-Gay and Soulforce . Here is a copy of the invitation. I have received several messages from people wanting to know: Did you have a meeting with Exodus leaders last night? Did they accept your invitation? What happened???? Christine and I told the three Exodus leaders present for our dinner last night here in Irvine, CA that we would not blog about the details or even mention their names. If they wish to blog about it, that is fine and welcome, but not necessary. In seeking dialog we need to develop trust and know that every word we say will not end up out on the web. Three leaders of Exodus member ministries joined four of us ex-gay survivors for dinner. No one from Exodus International senior leadership or from the Exodus board attended the dinner, and those present for the dinner stressed that ...

Last night waiting at the elevator here in the hotel a woman ,also waiting, looked at me. I looked at her. We recognized each other although we had never met. But we somehow knew we were in Irvine for the same thing. She ran over to me, hugged me and told me her story. She was looking for something on Google a week ago and found bXg and the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . She said to herself, "I need to be there". And here she is all the way from Texas. She told a tale of parents and siblings who constantly tortured her because she is lesbian and that she can't stand suppressing her sexuality any longer. She has cried everyday since Mother's Day and she says she is ready for healing. Although the conference doesn't officially kick off until tonight, people are arriving. I met Anthony Venn Brown from Australia. Jeremy Marks is here from England. Folks from Colorado and Florida and New York. Although the fortune telling arm of Focus on the Family yesterday prophesi...

The schedule for the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference is now up! I am so excited about so many of the activities, especially the film forum (where we will have a very special announcement to make). Steve Boese, our web master, has been working very hard to keep the conference page updated with the latest news and links to media and blogs. He just posted a the response Christine Bakke and I have to an erroneous Focus on the Family Citizenlink article about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. Focus wrote: Exodus Conference Offers Hope to Hundreds The 32nd annual Exodus International conference is underway in Irvine, Calif., and God is at work. "We've already seen an amazing turnout, amazing response, amazing speakers," said Randy Thomas, executive vice president of Exodus. "The Lord has really done a great work so far in the conference." The meeting, which began Tuesday and wraps up Sunday, has drawn close to 1,000...

So much ex-gay news on the blogs, TV and print media this week in large part because of the conferences taking place this week in Irvine where people with ex-gay experiences get to meet up and share their experiences. The Ex-Gay Survivor Conference begins tomorrow and Exodus' Freedom Conference is already in full swing. Yesterday bXg along with Soulforce organized a press conference at the LA LGBT Community center where three former Exodus leaders publicly apologized for their roles in ex-gay ministry. Jeremy Marks, former head of Exodus Europe stated, Perhaps I should take this opportunity first to say how sorry I am, and to ask forgiveness from all my fellow Gay, Lesbian Bisexual and Trans-gendered people who might be listening to this—for my part in colluding with the religious right in the Western world. Though at the time we did not see it this way, our collusion involved setting up and maintaining an oppressive anti-gay, and I must also say equally anti-Christian view of h...

Today in LA three former Exodus leaders publicly apologized for their involvement in the ex-gay movement. Darlene Bogle, Michael Bussee and Jeremy Marks each shared their own personal statements and then Michael read out the shared statement. They signed the apology and presented it to ex-gay survivors who were present at the press conference. Statement of Apology from Former Exodus Leaders Issued by Darlene Bogle , Michael Bussee , and Jeremy Marks June 27, 2007 As former leaders of ex-gay ministries, we apologize to those individuals and families who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong withvbeing gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families. Although we acted in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith that this message creates. We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth w...

The Colorado Confidential paper published a great two part interview with Christine Bakke, the fabulous co-founder of BeyondExGay.com (bXg). The article goes through some of her own personal history as an ex-gay, but more importantly her process of coming out of the ex-gay movement, moving beyond the hurt and the silence to becoming a national presence as a lesbian ex-gay survivor. Part One and Part Two Steve Boese, the web master extrodinaire over at bXg put out a call to bXgers to share what the conference means to them. We have begun to get some powerful responses which Steve has begun to post. David F. from Dallas writes, I found out about the conference only last week, and immediately booked it. I spent 8 years in ex-gay ministries, reparative therapy, and aversion therapy and finally left after a suicide attempt. My involvement in these groups has affected every area of my life, from my belief in God to my ability to create trusting friendships and relationships. I have com...

Ah, in sunny LA where I presented a show with Momma this morning at WeHo Church . It is our Dragged Out of the Spiritual Closet piece we did at True Colors this year. This time our audience was mostly gay Christian men (with a smattering of women and a German TV crew that has been stalking me since Friday). After service we all headed off to The Abbey for some drinks, snacks and chatting. Momma, being the big Hollywood big shot, was immediately shown to the best table in the house and given a bunch of free munchies. Glamor has its perks. Since I was first visited the Abbey last year with my long lost buddy Joe and filmed my first vlog entry there, I thought I would take out the camera and shoot some more video and photos. Photos: 1. Daniel Gonzales, Timothy Kincaid and Me 2. Daniel and Momma 3. Momma and Me before our show (I'm playing Dr. Rev. Meadows) 4. Momma momentarily pissed (she got over it right away; she's classy that way) Oh, and Nathan, the cute guy who appear...

Many believe that only people living in the rural South in the USA have tried to change or suppress their attractions for people of the same sex. They also believe that in order to do so, people enrolled (or were forced to attend) treatment camps at some undisclosed location. In my quest to straighten myself out I did ultimately end up at a residential center on a farm right outside of Memphis, TN. But before that I spent the vast majority of my ex-gay life in New York going anywhere I could to find the elusive cure to my gayness. In my mind I simply desired to stop sinning in body and in mind. There never was a shortage of ministers out there who tried to help me. Most of those who attempted to fix me were not officially part of the Ex-gay Movement. In fact, I imagine that the vast majority of people who attempt to change or suppress their sexuality do so without the assistance of Exodus, NARTH, JONAH, Courage, Evergreen or any of the other ex-gay groups out there. Most people do it o...

Yesterday Exodus issued their reaction to the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference . Focus on the Family's Citizen Link Daily Update refers to our conference and states. Just a mile down the road, gay activists, co-sponsored by the University of California - Irvine, have scheduled a counter-conference at which some people will claim they were hurt by ex-gay organizations. Exodus Executive Vice President Randy Thomas weighs in, "We live in a great country where people can have freedom of assembly," he said. Unfortunately, the organizers of the counter-conference will "try to project their experience onto all of us, when in fact thousands of people, myself included, have overcome homosexuality." In casting us as protesters and minimizing the scope of the organizers to a local group in Irvine, CA, Exodus not only knowingly misinforms people, they also miss the point. Sponsored by Soulforce , BeyondExGay.com as well as the LGBT Resource Center at the University of California...

In regards to same sex attractions, the question has been debated over and over, Is Change Possible? but for many of us who attended Exodus programs, in some cases for years, the more important question is not about the possibility of change but the costs involved in pursuing that change. Change at what cost? Next week many Exodus leaders, of both large and small ministries, will gather in Irvine for the Exodus Freedom Conference . A smaller conference will take place nearby where a group of ex-gay survivors along with concerned allies will meet to share and try to make sense of their own ex-gay histories. These concurrent gatherings in the same city present us with wonderful opportunities to connect with each other. With that hope in mind, Christine Bakke and I, co-founders of BeyondExGay (bXg), issue the following open invitation to Exodus leaders. We have already sent a signed copy of the invitation to Alan Chambers, president of Exodus along with an e-mail and will e-mail it to...

Lots in the news yesterday about a possible shift in focus at Exodus, or at least with Alan Chambers. See Ex-Gay Watch for details about the possibility that there is no such thing as an "ex-gay". No doubt lots of discussion has gone on between folks at Exodus and concerned activists and citizens. IN the past few months Exodus president Alan Chambers has made some moves to better protect youth in their programs and has come out against bullying and homophobia . All of this is welcomed news. Dialog helps us challenge our assumptions, stretch our thinking, consider new possibilities. I know that when I speak with people who identify as ex-gay or former homosexual (or whatever term they may prefer), I walk away with a deeper and broader understanding. Some time ago I put out a call to Exodus leaders to hear the stories of survivors, people who attended Exodus programs for months, even years, and at the end of the day came away harmed more than helped. For some of us the proc...

The Ex-Gay Survivor Conference received some recent press coverage on the West Coast. The June 29-July 1 conference in Irvine, CA got a mention in today's LA Times. Yesterday the Orange County Register published a piece about the two "dueling conferences" happening in Irvine this month. Organizers of both conferences got counseling designed to help them "go straight," also known as "pray the gay away." But they came to very different conclusions about the success of such programs and how much harm or help they can be. "I chose to live differently, and my feelings changed, too," said Alan Chambers, president of the Orlando, Fla.-based Exodus International, who is married. "Today, I am a far different person. Not that I don't struggle, but my life has changed. I certainly don't have the desire to be involved in homosexuality. It has no power over me." One of the original founders of the Exodus movement has a different v...

In NYC for the day to meet up with some media types--nice folks all. I also got to see David C. Ah David C! I LOVE David C. For one he first introduced me to Rufus Wainwright years ago when the Poses album first came out. In fact, it was also in his car that I first heard and fell hard for Bjork. David C is also an ex-gay survivor. He graduated Love in Action (LIA) shortly before I arrived back in 1996. We have lived similar lives with David a few steps ahead of me. Before LIA he also married a woman and then divorced. He knew the pain and disappointment of a good relationship that could not work. He worked hard on his program at LIA and from what I learned took his life as a Christian more seriously than most people I ever met. After some time out of LIA, living an ex-gay life, he too went through a crisis and began to question the teachings he spent so much time learning. He dove into an abyss of questions, questions of utmost importance. Questions about everything. With tenacit...

Actually Godcasted. Christine Bakke, (who recently celebrated a birthday!) appears on the recent edition of Candace Chellew-Hodge's Whosoever.org Godcast (#13). She talks about the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference , Beyond Ex-Gay ( bXg ) and her own ex-gay journey. She explains the purpose behind the conference and what will happen there. I love Christine's wit and warmth as she speaks about these issues. You can have a listen here. Christine blogs about some recent international attention lately with a piece in a Russian paper (Sadelle, Vlad says, check out the original to practice your Russian :-) A 35 year old American woman has challenged "Reparative therapy" which supposedly cures the homodemon. 35 year-old American Kristina Beykk wanted to escape from homosexuality with the aid of the program of the so-called ex-gays, who promise to cure the "misguided souls" through the word of the Lord, the lesbian journal "Pinx" reports. I love the "homo...

Hey gang, I miss reading many of your blogs! I hope to have some time this week to finally catch up. So many things in the works. As many of you know, Christine and I over at bXg along with SoulForce and the LGBT Resource Center at UC Irvine will host the first ever Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in Irvine, CA the weekend of June 29-July 1, 2007. I don't know yet how many we will have at the various events, but the response has been amazing from survivors and concerned allies on the West Coast, throughout the US and from as far away as Toronto, NYC and London. All day today I have talked to people coming to the conference to present their films or art or to just join in the discussion. No doubt this will be a historic event and will change some people's understanding of ex-gay experiences. This will be true of survivors themselves who may not ever had the opportunity to effectively unpack their former experiences--the motivations behind seeking change, the good that came of the...

I was not too much in the mood to take photos on this recent trip. But on two days I did take a few shots. One was in Stockholm with Alex and Daniel. We went down into the Metro where they have each station fitted with artwork. You will see Alex looking a the Solar System. We also went to the Museum of Modern art. Then we tried to find a nice cafe, but the one we wanted was closed because the owner needed to take care of a sick cat. Aw, that is so sweet. The other day I took photos was when I was with Jose Luis. I went to a garden near Madrid and took photos of flowers, then he and I went out of the city to Aranquez where I shot some more photos. Oh and in Oxfordshire, I took a photo from my window which you will see below. Click on photos to see MONSTER SIZED versions. Enjoy. I know I did. Oh and here is a little something special that I found over at a fellow blogger's site. You will never guess what they are advertising. I love the UK. hat tip to Mike Ditto