In which Marvins, influenced by your comments, reveals a huge hidden problem that's unearthed in his life.
Last night I performed Transfigurations-Transgressing Gender in the Bible at Imago Dei Metropolitan Community Church in Glen Mills, PA (about 15 miles outside of Philly). I had a diverse audience of about 45 people -- college students, Quakers, straight, bi, trans and lesbian, young and old. I took my time with the piece maintaining a gentle meditative pace. For the ending when I reveal the identity of the narrator, I had instructed the light tech to dim the lights. Then as the closing music swelled, I asked her to raise the lights to their brigthest intensity. With the music playing, I exited. Always (up until last night) at this point the audience applauds, I wait 5 seconds then come out to take a bow. Last night I exited and then nothing. No one clapped. They sat quietly as the music played. I stood back stage puzzled, baffled. Now what do I do? Wait? Go out anyway? And I wondered for a moment, Did they hate it? Did I confuse them? Offend them? Bore them into a coma? After what ...
Comments
I just wanted to leave you a comment to let you know how much I enjoy listening to your audio posts. They're all so honest and vulnerable; it's really moving. It's good that you're keeping guard on your pride, and I hope you pray about your situation and do what you feel is right. But I just wanted to tell you that if you decide to stop posting, you will be greatly missed!
It sounds to me like you are what I would call a "truth teller" - and that tends to not be a very popular thing, especially in religious circles. If you tell the truth about how you see things, or how things make you feel, it often gets thrown back at you as if there is something wrong with you, not the situation. And it's really easy for people to do when those of us who struggle with our sexuality issues (I used to consider myself ex-gay, so I know what your struggle is like to some degree) are so willing to think that we're "less than" simply because we are not straight. In other words, everything about us is wrong or tainted because of our sexuality, while everything they say is automatically right because they are "whole" and straight.
I don't know if this applies to you, but it's what your post made me think of. Do you think you really have a problem with authority figures? If you disagree with something an authority figure tells you, does it mean that you are automatically wrong or rebellious? Do they have a legitimate reason to be an authority figure to you, or is it just because they are straight, and therefore more "whole" than you?
I don't know if any of these questions help, but they are questions that I've had to seriously consider in my life.
I appreciate your posts and I hope you continue to do them. They are making me think!
It may be true that there is a natural hierarchy to things, as you say. But every person is accountable first of all to themselves, and, in your case, to God. As you are an adult, it is your responsibility to choose your leaders carefully, examine the person you want to submit to, and make sure it is the right thing to do.
I share other people's worries about a pastor who does not want people outside of the church to know what goes on inside. I hope you will find the way forward.
I enjoy your audioblogs, and would be sad if this were the last one, but it's your decision, and I will respect it, whatever you choose to do.
Thanks for your honest blogging, and I hope we'll hear from you again.
I very much enjoyed your blog! I must tell you that I've dealt with authority issues in my life. This idea of a covering is very important when it comes to living a healthy life before God.
For a long time I thought I was the weak link in the chain. One day however I was talking to a friend who knew of my situation and he said "perhaps you aren't the weak link...perhaps you're under the wrong covering."
I John 4:1 from The Message translation says: "My dear friends, don't believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone who talks about God comes from God. There are a lot of lying preachers loose in the world."
Make certain you're under the right cover! In the meantime, don't go away...your posts have a way of cheering me up. And someone dared call you Marvin "Gloom"...whatever!
j.
I'll leave him another message tonight to just let me know that he is okay. Will keep you posted.
P