In which after much soul searching about his sexuality and the possibility of "change", Marvin announces a bold new direction in his life.
Last night I performed Transfigurations-Transgressing Gender in the Bible at Imago Dei Metropolitan Community Church in Glen Mills, PA (about 15 miles outside of Philly). I had a diverse audience of about 45 people -- college students, Quakers, straight, bi, trans and lesbian, young and old. I took my time with the piece maintaining a gentle meditative pace. For the ending when I reveal the identity of the narrator, I had instructed the light tech to dim the lights. Then as the closing music swelled, I asked her to raise the lights to their brigthest intensity. With the music playing, I exited. Always (up until last night) at this point the audience applauds, I wait 5 seconds then come out to take a bow. Last night I exited and then nothing. No one clapped. They sat quietly as the music played. I stood back stage puzzled, baffled. Now what do I do? Wait? Go out anyway? And I wondered for a moment, Did they hate it? Did I confuse them? Offend them? Bore them into a coma? After what ...
Comments
I'm just a little surprised you didn't think about this out loud with Peterson given that he's got some relevant experience.
I know what it's like, though, to make a decision want to just do it, not question it or obsess about it.
I am afraid you'll find the 'professionals' at Love in Action promise more than the can deliver, and that you'll end up not only homeless and jobless, but still gay on top of that.
Take care.
Something you said in your post Marvin about addictions has me worried. I guess the question I have for you is do you think that by going there because you have addictions (and I am assuming they are sexually addictions ) will change your sexuality if your addictions are under control? See one of the reasons I went into New Hope Ministries was because I had this sexual addiction with men and because of that addiction being gay was wrong. Today, I see my addictions where what needed to be changed not be being gay. There is nothing that can change your feelings for other men, but you can have a happy and full life in Christ and be gay. I know I have been there myself. I wish the best of luck to you Marivin if this is what you decide to do. I will be praying for you. I hope all of this makes sense.
Just when I thought you couldn't shake things up any more than you already have, you go and sell your house, leave Long Island (really? for the first time?) AND enroll in LiA. WOW!! Them's sum big steps brother!
I trust that your interactions with LiA are much more rewarding than the many other's who have walked this path before you. Hopefully you are learning to discern the "wheat from the chaff" and if so, I think you'll find your stay potentially rewarding (Peterson...don't hit me please...LOL).
By the way Peterson, what's your take on all this?
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However, having completely picked up and moved to a whole other state (including starting over at 1/3 of my previous pay, living in basements instead of having my own place, etc) to go to an ex-gay program, I know that you probably won't be able to hear the voices of those who have survived these often negative experiences.
But I really hope you'll at least talk to Peterson about this. He's been in that program (is that how you heard about it?), and I am really worried that it will seriously harm your self-esteem, and more importantly, your relationship with God.
However, perhaps you are the kind of person that needs to make this last-ditch attempt. Lord knows you wouldn't be alone in that.
Just remember, no matter what happens there, and no matter whether your orientation changes or not...just remember that you are worth so much no matter what gender you love. You have so much to offer to the world, and in my opinion, you don't have to change a thing.
Smart people learn from their mistakes, the wise from the mistakes of others.
Not to be unkind, but I wish for your sake you could allow yourself to be wise.
I've always wanted to see Graceland.