In which Marvin reflects on the day's bitter news and decides on a new direction for his life. He says he will take some time off from blogging for awhile. (but I think he will still look at your comments)
Last night I performed Transfigurations-Transgressing Gender in the Bible at Imago Dei Metropolitan Community Church in Glen Mills, PA (about 15 miles outside of Philly). I had a diverse audience of about 45 people -- college students, Quakers, straight, bi, trans and lesbian, young and old. I took my time with the piece maintaining a gentle meditative pace. For the ending when I reveal the identity of the narrator, I had instructed the light tech to dim the lights. Then as the closing music swelled, I asked her to raise the lights to their brigthest intensity. With the music playing, I exited. Always (up until last night) at this point the audience applauds, I wait 5 seconds then come out to take a bow. Last night I exited and then nothing. No one clapped. They sat quietly as the music played. I stood back stage puzzled, baffled. Now what do I do? Wait? Go out anyway? And I wondered for a moment, Did they hate it? Did I confuse them? Offend them? Bore them into a coma? After what ...
Comments
Including YOU!
Take your time with your loved ones.
I will miss you!
Take care of yourself. :(
-Jon in Iowa City
Sword of Truth Ministries would seem to be a ministry that would be very confused and frightened of the idea of "let go and let God." This is evidenced by the need to put a "mask" on regarding circumstances related to the suicide. A house of faith should not be a house of fears.
Jerry
I think you've made the right decision to come home and take a break. I wish you well.
I had a clue, but not a very good one, about how complex suicide can be before Dale died. Dealing with it personally was something else altogether.
I didn't come out of it with any magic answers. From other folks I've talked to, it seems it's not unusual to end up with many more questions than answers.
The first lesson I took from my experience was that I needed to be gentle with myself, taking time to work through my grief gradually.
Another lesson I took from being a survivor of Dale's suicide, though, was simply that I had to let the experience change me. I couldn't go back to being exactly the same person I had been before. I couldn't accept that it had happened for a reason or that some greater good would come of it.
The common wisdom in caring for survivors of their loved ones' suicide is assuring them that they are not to blame. As rational and true as that is, though, I have emerged with a sense that I will make different choices if presented with circumstances like those which led up to Dale's death.
There are no guarantees... I cannot control the behavior of another... but I can be thoughtful, aware, and present for my loved ones. I can be conscious of their struggles and hurts. I can look for ways to be a gentle and hospitable soul, changing my behavior when it communicates indifference or causes hurt.
I wish for you, too, that peace might come from letting your experience change you in whatever fashion you find God leading.
Be well, friend...
What the HELL is wrong with the church that it separates gay people from the love of Jesus?